Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Parenting With Fear: Holding Onto Worries

So Cooper is rolling over now. All the time. If you put him down he immediately rolls over to his tummy. Good thing right?

Maybe if you aren't a nervous Nancy like myself.

So I awake out of a deep sleep tonight and it is 4 am. Just about the time (or even a little later) than Coop usually wakes up. Only probably is, jee wiz, no one is crying. I could go back to sleep, I feel pretty tired, but no instead I go to investigate and he is asleep on his tummy.

And what runs through my body? Not pride but absolute terror.

Is he breathing? Should I wake him? Should I turn him over?

So I go and lay down but now I am wide awake and am strickened with fear.

I should be happy or proud right? But I am terrified of SIDS and supposedly it is just as bad at 4-6 months as it is in infancy. I've read that you shouldn't worry after babies are rolling over, but I can't seem to help it.

I laid in bed waiting for him to wake just worrying away. And then Bailey woke up and before she even really got to crying I was up and checking on them. I decided to feed her but in retrospect I should have left her to cry and wake her brother up first.

(2 minutes later) So I have put Bailey back to sleep and I mean 'back' to sleep. Coop is still alive and sleeping on his tummy. He now has his little tush in the air. It is rather cute but I feel like I need to go in and wake him or at least remove those murderous bumpers or something.

I could be sleeping. But I seriously doubt that I will fall asleep now.

I am crazy but at least I am not alone. I woke Ward up at a little before 5 am and asked him to come look at Coop and tell me if he thought it was OK to let him sleep like that. He picked him up and put him on his back and within minutes he was up and crying. I fed him and put him back to sleep. I know it sounds crazy. I wonder what the name of that fear is.


1 comment:

James said...

I believe the scientific community refers to that fear as "first time parents."