Monday, March 30, 2009

And You Thought I Hated Complaining

I never get headaches.  I consider myself very lucky.  When I was pregnant with Bailey and Cooper I had a few headaches but only once was it so bad that I took ONE Tylenol and laid on a heating pad (because it was accompanied by a backache that I believe may have started the headache).  That was the only Tylenol I took that entire pregnancy.  I don't like to take painkillers or any other kind of medicine unless I deem it absolutely neccessary.  I might take Tylenol or Aleve four times a year when I am not pregnant.

This pregnancy has been different than my last in so many ways.  But one way that appears to be standing out to me more and more is my health.  I have been sick more this pregnancy than any other time I can remember.  I have had the flu twice this season.  I never get the flu twice.  But one thing that has really been bothering me is the number of headaches I have been having.  I have probably had between 12-20 headaches in the past two or three months.  Some of them aren't so bad, maybe tension headaches or something, and usually go away on their own.  However, some of them have been bad enough that I have resorted to taking Tylenol.  I think most of the time that has helped. 

This past Saturday I started to get a headache about 3 p.m.  I thought about taking something and decided I would wait and see if it passed on it's own.  By about 9:30 I decided I needed something.  I took one Tylenol.  It may have eased the pain but it definitely didn't end the headache.  I decided or something, to go to Walmart late that evening.  It only got worse.  I was so ready to just go to bed when I got home that I only put the cold things away.

The next morning I woke with a sore throat, aches and pains and an even worse headache than the night before.  I took two Tylenol because I felt I had been hit by a semi.  The pain again eased but did not disappear.  By afternoon the headache was back in full force.  I slept horribly last night and woke with a headache like my head against a board.  I took a long hot shower that didn't help and somehow made it through the morning routine with the kids.  I emailed my doctor's office to find out how much Tylenol was safe during pregnancy, as I do not want to hurt the baby, and asked if I could take anything for the sore throat. 

I got an email about 15 minutes later saying I needed to make an appointment with my family doctor.  I was rather angry.  They can't recommend how much Tylenol to take?  So I cancelled Romp and Roll and loaded the kids in the car and headed to Walgreens where I decided I would consult a pharmacist on the matter.  The pharmacist recommended that I take NO more Tylenol.  That I find someone to watch my kids and put a cold compress on my head.  I am not going to lie.  I really wanted to cry.  I just said thank you and bought my Sucrets.  I didn't ask the pharmacist if they were OK.  My doctor said they were.  I wasn't taking any chances.

So I went shopping with my mother-in-law who helped a good deal with the kids and my headache came and went as the day went on.  By this evening it was as bad as it has been.  I used to think I was a tough sick person.  Now I don't think so.  I just want to be well again.  I tried a cold compress.  It didn't help.  I tried a hot one, it seemed to work better.  But then I did the worst thing.  I took another Tylenol.  I couldn't help it, I really want something, anything to work.  Of course now I am terrified that I am effecting the baby and I don't plan on taking anymore if I can make it.  I just don't know if I can make it. 

The headache is not gone but it has subsided.  Instead of pounding there is a more dull throbbing when I turn my head.  If I sit prefectly still, I almost think that I am fine.  Then I stand up.  I realize I am not. 

It's been going on for more than 55 hours.  How long can a headache really last?  I mean enough already.  So is this the pregnancy?  Are hormones doing this to me?  I am pretty sure this is the worst headache I have ever had in my entire life.  However, I can be a bit dramatic at times.  I need to go lie down.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

For Embarassing Him Later and Me Now

This is our son Cooper in his Saturday morning finest.  Notice the lovely green color crocs.  With him in the picture are Chewbacca and Yoda, Christmas gifts from the Great Grandmother.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Because This IS My Blog and I Am Allowed My Own Opinion Here

(a-hem.  Takes Soap box out of closet and sits on it to write blog)

At the risk of offending more of my readers (and I know who you are) I am going to share my opinion about vehicles.

I love new vehicles.  I love their shiney exterior, their new car smell interior and I just like to spice it up every two or three years.  Before we ever had kids I bought a van.  A nice but not brand new 2002 Dodge Grand Caravan that I really loved.  It had sliding doors on both sides, middle row bucket seats and lots and lots of room.  However, I got hassled far too often about why I had a van.  I didn't have kids, why would I want a van?  I wasn't on the way to soccer practice, why would I need a van?  One day I even had a door to door salesman challenge me about whether I had children in my home, he 'knew' I had kids, I drove a mini van.

It wasn't long after that we had the opportunity to trade in our van and get a small S.U.V.  Because I love that new car smell and because I couldn't seem to keep a car for more than 3 years we traded up, for a more costly, brand new vehicle.  It is a nice S.U.V. but do you know what happened almost immediately?  I had buyers remorse.  I realized all too late that I loved my van.  I loved the room even though I didn't have a bunch or kids or even any.

Two summers ago when we were pregnant with the twins we decided (OK, I nagged) to buy a new vehicle.  I had decided in my head that we were going to get a Toyota Sequioa or however they are spelled.  So one week later that is what we got.  This time I had to sell my soul (I can't have a new car for quite sometime) and we got a 'basic' model with no frills even though it was brand new.  I love the Toyota.  Other than the rough handling that is felt on poor roads it is a decent ride.  But when we found out we were having a third baby in just under three years, what did I do?  I once again felt remorse that we no longer owned a van. 

I don't need to be trendy (have you seen me, that is OBVIOUS) and I don't think there needs to be such a bad rap on vans.  Don't get me wrong, I like my S.U.V. A lot.  But I don't see anything wrong whatsoever with a van.  I am still mad that I let others persuade my opinion all those years back.

So my sister and her husbad are looking into a new vehicle.  Good for them.  They both own cars and could use the extra room of an S.U.V. or van.  I had heard they were probably going to look into vans.  I was happy for them, if not a tad bit jealous.  Today they went car shopping.  I have no idea how it went other than my sister's facebook status that says something about a Trailblazer.  So I asked, quite innocently, I might add, what happened to a van. 

*Quick note.  I looked into the Trailblazer, it looks really nice.  The ONLY thing I don't like about it is that it is a Chevy and I am on a anti-GM kick so other than that Erin and Chris I think it is a sound option quite possibly.  Not that you asked. 

So anyways.  Someone who I won't name and who, to be completely honest, I don't quite give two licks for, commented that this particular S.U.V. is rather nice but that (and I'm paraphrasing) vans are 'just not where its at'.

What?  This is a 30 something year old guy saying that vans are just not where its at. Why?  Because they aren't 'cool' enough?  Because they tend to get better gas mileage than S.U.V.s?  Because they tend to be more practical and  seat more people than their 'rugged' counterparts? 

I own two S.U.V.s so I am not saying that I think they are the devil, but I was often given a hard time about owning a van to which this very day I am still bitter about letting my weak minded self be swayed.  I just don't want someone to be swayed either way because they think a vehicle isn't 'where it's at' (and fortunately I doubt the decision will be made on that criteria). 

Vans seat more people.  They tend to be more accessible for families and older people.  They tend to have more cargo space.  They tend to get better gas mileage than S.U.V.s that hold the same number of passengers.  They tend to have a lower sticker price.  They can come with spoilers.  Emissions standards are stricter on vans.  They tend to tip over less frequently.  Apparently, practical is just not where it's at. 

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

17 weeks, 5 days

You asked for 'em, you got 'em. First off, I just love black and white. I can't help it I just do. Secondly, I really didn't want to show the whole belly but changing the photo to black and white hid my wonderfully awful stretchmarks.
I believe my side profile actually looks better than a full on shot, who would have thought. And I hate my chest. I know, I really shouldn't complain but I feel like my breasts get disgustingly huge during pregnancy. I have to buy bras in letters I didn't even know existed before pregnancy. I found that when I lifted the awful things off my stomach, I don't look all that big. I weigh a few lbs less at this stage of my pregnancy then I did at this stage in my last pregnancy but I am carrying one less human so that probably explains a lot.
The baby has continued to move though the movements are still rather subtle. I just love it. I feel like it's this little secret I can tell you about but it's only something I can experience. I will continue to love it until at 29 or so weeks the baby decides to crawl into my ribcage. Bailey was wedged up under my ribcage for the last month or so of her gestation and it was one of it not the worst things physically about being pregnant with twins. I am hoping that this baby has enough room in there that he sees no reason to go crawling into my ribs. I thought I would be deformed for the rest of my life with all the pain I went through last time.
I am going to try and take pictures at least every two weeks but I can sometimes be a slacker so who knows what will happen. My number one reason to take them is because I think it will be neat to show the kids someday.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

We could all use a nap.

I like to think that I have everything 'together'. I know that I am crazy but I like to think it's because I want to be, that it adds to my personality and flair. However, the past two days, I have been feeling more like the crazy is less something I have control over and more something that is taking over.

I was stressed when I was pregnant with Bailey and Cooper. They were the result of an expensive and stressful IVF procedure. I was worried almost constantly that I would lose one or both of them. I was troubled with thoughts of preterm labor and long NICU stays. Fortunately, everything seemed to work out. The babies came full term and healthy and the last year has been really wonderful.

But I have been feeling a lot less balanced this pregnancy, so unbalanced that at times I even fall over. I have responsibilities that I just didn't have to worry about the last time around. I am worried about the small day to day realities of three children under two. How will I get them in and out of the car? I am concerned about the jealousy that will likely deepen as it has already begun to rear its ugly head around here. I am still overjoyed about this baby, I am just feeling a little less levelheaded and a slight bit more looney.

But back to these past two days. I have a child, I won't say which one, who is really suffering from seperation anxiety. I hardly ever leave the children alone, maybe two or three times a month for a few hours, but this seperation anxiety arises even when I don't leave. It occurs when I try to go to the bathroom or retrieve a pair of socks from my dresser drawer in the next room. As soon as my face is no longer in view, the crying ensues. This could make me feel good, my children love me so much they can't bear the thought of my absence, but it really doesn't. I just feel retched for having to go to the bathroom.

On top of the seperation anxiety I have two children who have begun fighting over their toys. One of them tends to be the agressor and takes just about anything from the other one. The defender runs to mom, pointing and crying. It is happening constantly. Today, I finally had to just take a certain toy away because it was being battled over non-stop. I felt like a big meanie but I just didn't know what else to do.

When the best toy in the whole wide world was taken out of commission for the rest of the afternoon the children resorted to more fun antics. Thier next mission they worked together on, which is nice, that they at times work together, and it involved driving mom bananas because they can't see just how close I already am to being committed. They started going through cabinets, rolling high chairs all around the house and terrifying the bigger of our dumb dogs who likes to quietly growl so that I think something bad is going to happen. It isn't that these things are so bad, it's just I felt like it had been a long afternoon by this point. We ate some Nilla wafers and decided it may be best for nap time.

My biggest problem is that I want everything always to be perfect. I want to remedy the seperation anxiety. I want to have toddlers that treat each other nicely all the time. I want to have children that work together but not on destroying the house. I shouldn't probably expect these things until 16 months or so but I can be very demanding.

I am really just nervous that I am turning into a terrible mother. I really wish I had all the right answers and said all the right things. Instead, I feel I am making the worst decisions possible.

While I am disclosing everything you want to know something else? Sometimes ALL I think I want is help but then I am faced with two more problems. First, I want help but I am not very good about specifying what I think is helping and I often am so stressed about the 'help' being truly helpful that I waste these wonderful oportunities to get things done. Secondly, I hate what happens when the help has to go back to work or go home, that feeling of no longer having help. Often, I think it's best to just do it on my own and then I am not disappointed.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

What color should this be?

I have been asked by everyone at least once if I'm feeling the baby move yet. I am in my 18th week and have been feeling more and more like I should be feeling something but I am the kind of person that wants to know for sure that is what I am feeling before I confirm it. There were a few times over the last few weeks where I thought it might be the baby but I just wasn't sure.

Earlier this week I had a mishap. I tried to open our jogging stroller to go for a walk with the twins as I am trying to be a little more active this time around and I lost my balance and fell flat on my back into our crushed brick that surrounds the shrubs in our front yard. I was so worried about the baby that I didn't even care about the scratches from the brick. I called my doctor's office and the first thing they said was "are you feeling the baby more". At this point, frustrated and scared, I told the nurse that I hadn't but I felt like I should be because everyone keeps treating me like I should be feeling it. The nurse assured me that it is still a little early and that some people don't feel the baby move until 22 weeks. She told me the baby is still very small and that my body took most of the brunt of the fall if not all of it. I had no spotting or cramping but I have been worried ever since.

Today, however, I was sitting at the computer, doing nothing important and I thought I felt what was obviously a light kick. I stopped and thought to the baby, "OK, now do it again" and the little baby did, twice. I have been sitting here smiling ever since. I feel confident that what I felt this afternoon was definitely the baby.

I recorded the first for certain kick of either Bailey or Cooper at 18 weeks 6 days and it was so strong that I believe I felt it almost everyday from then on. This is a little more than a week sooner but I feel pretty confident it was a kick or maybe a nudge. When I felt Bailey and Cooper move for the first time I started my baby belly shots. I wasn't very good at them, I only took them about once every four weeks because I hate having my picture taken. In celebration of this monumental occasion I am going to begin the belly photos. Unfortunately, the wonderful stretch marks accrued during the pregnancy with the twins will force me to keep my shirt down but I may post the belly shots here. I haven't quite decided. It will depend on just how bad the double chin looks.

I have to go uncover my tripod and bask in this wonderful moment.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

"Years ago, I was an angry young man"

It isn't that I've given up on blogging it's just that I don't know what to write about anymore. I am so paranoid that I am going to offend someone that I find a reason not to blog about anything that comes to mind lately. And to be honest, I'm a little bitter about those 200 lost posts. I mean this was supposed to be my outlet, a way to get things off my mind whether because they were funny or because they were annoying or... And I know that I said I had changed my mission statement but I'm not feeling great about that either. I mean as absolutely awful as this may sound, I liked venting. My sister said it best the other day, I have an abrasive personality that comes out best through my blog. I wasn't offended, well at least not overly offended, that she said I could be abrasive. I mean, I like to think of myself as compassionate and caring but I guess I need to be honest with myself. Would a caring, compassionate person talk about other people on thier personal blog? Well, you see I've been thinking about this and I've decided that yes. Venting here allows me to be caring and compassionate later. I'm being totally serious. I mean sometimes if I don't vent, I think I may just harm someone or myself. I think that my funk here lately is the result of having nowhere to vent. So anyways, I'm not saying that I'm completely back to my old ways, but if I ever hope to be back, I need to tweak the mission statement. I hope you understand.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Really, I Don't Have A Lot Of Extra Time To Do Nothing.

Even though I know this post is going to suggest otherwise.

I have a few websites I check every morning. My email, my favorite blogs, facebook, babycenter and now Twitter. Babycenter is my newest obsession. When I was pregnant with the twins I had a lot of pregnancy symptoms from the very beginning and I read twelve dozen pregnancy books seven times each while soaking hour upon hour in the tub. This time I have had very little symptoms for the past six weeks and I am almost constantly in doubt that there really is a baby growing in there somewhere. I haven't spent much or any time reading those pregnancy books (I mean I practically know them by heart by now anyways) and I have spent hours upon hours reading 'Middlesex' (and have yet to finish).

No, this pregnancy I have taken the energy that I used to read pregnancy books last time to be absolutely crazy. Reading about baby names (we've decided, I think), taking gender tests and now chatting with (other second trimester) babes on-line. It's been pretty interesting to say the least, to read about all of these women's symptoms and their mother-in-law rants but yesterday I came across the most interesting thing to date. A Parent and Child Horoscope Tool.

You are into horoscopes aren't you? Well, at the risk of sounding even crazier than you may already suspect, I do read about horoscope signs. I don't care for the day to day horoscopes in the paper but I am intrigued by how on the nose they can be when describing my sign or those of others I know. A few years ago, or a dozen, I don't really remember, I read that Leos (which is what I am [July 23-August 22]) have the closest relationships to Aries [March 19-April 19] and Sagittarius[November 23-December 21] signs. Well, my best friend throughout school was an Aries and my husband and his sister are both Sagittarius. Sagittarius signs don't take much heed in following their astrological signs, but they should because they can really be quite insightful to ones life. For example, you may know if you would be better suited with a Leo or a Virgo [August 23-September 22] for a child if you were say, a Leo pregnant with a child due August 27th.

If we were to have a Leo this is what it says :"Remember your little one craves the spotlight, just as you do. You both feed off attention, so be sure to give your child plenty of approval for his many talents. On the other hand, you can expect some battles when your little Leo pits his authority against yours." and then later it says "Since you're both a bit emotionally sensitive beneath your courageous exteriors, you could easily hurt each other's feelings."

First, I am not so sure I feed off attention (you know where to leave comments right?) or crave the spotlight but I do know that I can be a little emotionally sensitive and I don't want to hurt my child's feelings. A Virgo seems much better suited perhaps for my courageous, adventurous exterior, read on:

"She admires and adores you -- and you love being adored! " I do love admiration and adoration-they're two things I always look for in a child. But please read on:

"She's naturally more reserved than you are, so she'll always look up to your bright, courageous, dynamic personality. In fact, you're the perfect parent to draw her out a bit and help her relax more. As she tends to be a bit on the anxious side, your open, playful energy can be a really good influence on her. Best of all, you're steady and loyal enough to provide your Virgo child with the solid foundation she depends on. "

Now I am a little worried about my unborn anxious child but I look forward to drawing 'her' out of 'her' shell, but let me draw your attention to the words "perfect parent". That is exactly what I am going for with this naturally 'she' has to be a Virgo now-right?

Oh, and by the way I'm feeling a bit yellowish.

Saturday, March 7, 2009


You know I am just kidding right? I am always joking except of course when I am being extremely serious. For example, I am not really a blog writer extraordinaire that is a joke. I am however not joking at all when I say that I am an oligomaniac. That is very serious. I am however joking when I say that Todd is going to trade me in, however I am being serious when I say should I go missing, have the police look under the cement foundation at his most recent jobsite.

The problem is, I think I am funny. I try to be funny. But recently my sarcasm and extreme wittiness have gotten me into quite a bit of trouble and I just don’t know if I can be funny anymore. At least not right now. Not on purpose anyways. I do think, however, I am having a nervous (what makes it nervous) breakdown. I think I need to get out of the house.

Maybe today I can talk Todd into going to the park with us. It is supposed to be 70 degrees or more and I really think that the fresh air could do me well.

Thursday, March 5, 2009


I am sort of in a funk. It may be that I am reading "The Bell Jar" and finding myself relating far more than I should be. But then my reading can get me a little carried away, I mean last week I was obsessed with gender predictions and last month I was ready to join the circus, but I really do think it's more than that.

Cooper has been sick. More than a cold I fear but less than the flu. 105 degree temperatures had us rushing to the doctors office on Tuesday only for his temperature to be 98 by the time anyone saw us, sometimes Tylenol can work too well and you find yourself worrying if anyone even believes you had a sick child. He was all smiles and reading about the time Eeyore lost his tail and I felt silly for being there but wondering what else I should have done. I didn't want to be that parent that jumps at the thought of a sick child, but I also don't want to be the parent that should have known something was wrong. It can be hard, finding your parenting niche. In retrospect, I'm glad that we went and there wasn't anything worse than a cold going on. That high a temperature is scary.

I may be suffering from Cabin Fever or some lesser grade infliction. I was not happy about our first of March snow and I feel like it's been hanging around for too long. Although we only got about 8-10 inches, it's been so cold out it took much longer than normal to melt. Romp 'N Roll and playdates were cancelled. The weather man is now luring me back in with predictions of 70 degree weather this weekend and telling you I am ready for spring should be no surprise. I want to go for walks, go to Toddler Tunes as scheduled and hang the coats up in the closet for good instead of having them glare at me from their not so temporary position in the eat-in-kitchen. I want fresh vegetables and fruits. I'm ready for cookouts and bonfires. Ok, so we probably won't have bonfires, even if the weather improves, but I can dream right?

Today I based my whole morning around a playdate that was cancelled and then I moved on to planning my whole afternoon around Open Gym at Romp 'N Roll. I tried to be productive by vacuuming and putting away laundry in the hopes that my husband won't make good on his threats to trade me in for a younger, less lazy, less pregnant wife. I didn't however, take the coats from the barstools, because I figured what's the point. I'm so ready for spring. I am wondering how impossible it would really be to move to the west coast.

At Romp 'N Roll I can't help but notice that something is wrong with me. I could not be less concerned with the way I look, my lack of interest in make-up, my boring hair, my bland too-tight clothes. I wish that I knew how to be more of a girly-girl. Maybe it's best that I have more boys than girls.

The manager helps me take Bailey and Cooper to the car. She thanks me for accepting her help and not trying to be a super woman. Once upon a time I wanted to be a super woman, now all I wish for is more help and then almost instantly I feel worse. It isn't that I can't do it all on my own, it's just that every now and again it's nice to have the help.

I was going to blog about top albums and Cyndi Lauper this afternoon while the children were napping but almost instantly when I sat down at the computer I knew that wasn't what was coming. I hope to be over this funk spot in the next little while, then maybe you all can hear all about top albums and Lauper songs, but this is all I can muster up for now.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Because Every One Could Use A Few Widgets

On this here Sunday morning, I am being EXTREMELY lazy perusing baby names, finding widgets and above all else, not cleaning my house for today's family dinner that may not even take place.

Today is the first day of March so Mother Nature has decided now is the time to bless us with up to ten inches of snow in the next 24 hours. And here I was thinking spring was just around the corner. I guess I was wishing it was just around the corner.

Being stuck inside can lead to boredness and being bored can lead to doing things you never really thought you would, like for instance mixing your own urine with Drano (or rather have some other person do the mixing) in order to find out the gender of our third child. You see I was never concerned with the gender of the twins. The day we found out we were having twins a lady in the Reproductive Endorcrinologist's office told me we were having a boy and a girl and so I was always a little confident in that prediction and it turned out to be right at 23 weeks. I never did a lot of gender quizzes and the only time I peed in cups was at the doctors office. But this time around I seem to be fixed on this babies gender, I think to be honest with you, it is because I am reading 'Middlesex' right now and even though Todd is not my brother or my second cousin I seem to be fixated on gender determination (the fact that my doctor seems to wait longer than anyone else to do the BIG ultrasound could also be contributing). So yesterday, in the throes of boredom, we carried out the highly scientific Drano test and our results were...boy.

Now, do we really know if this is accurate, no not really. But Todd already thought it was a boy and he had convinced me and now with the results of our Drano test I feel like I can back down a little in the crazy department (or at least focus my attention elsewhere, like on widgets) and just tell myself it is a boy. We like to pick names far ahead of ever knowing what we are having and so we have already picked out the babies name whether it is a boy or a girl. Like his or her brother and sister, he or she will also have two middle names. If you will remember, I won baby naming rights to this singleton child but Todd's veto power carried more weight than I imagined and I will only say that coming up with possible names for this child has been no where near as easy as it was with Bailey and Cooper.

So the baby is a boy, blah blah blah, maybe, we'll see in 8 more weeks, blah blah blah.

On to other news. We have decided to go to Arizona in May for two weeks to see Todd's brothers and sister and all of our neices and nephews. And even though I will be approaching my third trimester we will be going with them on a trip to Disneyland. I am very excited about the whole trip though I am nervous and worried about how the twins will do with travelling on a plane, sleeping in someone else's house, and long days in Disney. I am optimistic however that any difficulties will be over shadowed in the long run with great memories with family. We will also be seeing Todd's dad (whom I've only met once) and his new wife (whom no one in the family has met). It should be an interesting and fun-filled two weeks to say the least.

In honor of babies and trips to Disney and because I have not wanted to get off the couch, I have found some interesting and fun-filled widgets to countdown to the biggest things happening around here because everyone could use a few widgets.