Friday, March 7, 2008

Recipe for Instant Popularity - Have Multiples

It is hard to go anywhere with twins. Not for the reason you are probably thinking of right now, because it’s two babies and it’s twice as hard. Well, it’s at least three times harder probably but that isn’t why it’s hard to go anywhere. It’s all the spectators that make it hard.

On Tuesday, the really thorough housecleaners came for the last time so I took Trauma and Trouble to the mall, by myself. It was the first time out alone just the three of us and that seemed really daunting but it all went pretty well. We were only out for a little over an hour (our mall is truly pathetic). But while strolling through American Eagle (where I picked up the cutest little sack) a Liberty College student came up and ‘just (had) to see the babies’, she didn’t ask if that was alright, no she just moved the canopies to eye the children below. Of course she commented on their cuteness and that it was a boy and a girl (everyone points this out, like maybe we haven’t noticed). But all I could do was consider how rude and inconsiderate an action it was to just start messing with someone else car seats and stroller. I love children and babies but I would never have the audacity to saunter over to a stranger and start touching their personal effects and children. It’s one thing to look, but to actually touch. Didn’t their parents teach them anything?

So then on Wednesday the twins had their two month check-up. All that spit up, normal. How much Trauma’s eating, normal. The lack of bowel movements, normal. The slow weight increase, normal. All that gawking and questioning, apparently normal. There was even a lady there who had two year old twins of her own and she was even prying. From conversations I’ve had with other parents I’ve heard that babies are always an attraction, but evidently a group of babies is exponentially more thrilling for onlookers.

Thursday I had to take our 6 month old (only has 2800 miles on it) Sequoia to Toyota to have fabric around the never even used sunroof re-glued. The gentleman at the desk gave me a voucher for the waiting area café. I didn’t like the look of the café but I hadn’t eaten and I had time to spare so I said the heck with it. Well as soon as I strolled up to the counter the wait staff and other waiting Toyota owners began questioning me on names and ages, sex (the babies) and sleeping patterns. And of course they had to move the canopies. Ladies and Gentleman, those things are covering up the babies for a reason! All I wanted was eggs and toast, being a vegetarian I didn’t want to take the chance of ordering their “Grand Slam” and having bacon and sausage sit on top of my other food so I just ordered eggs and toast with butter. What did I get? A plate full of the greasiest bacon I have ever seen and toast that had been marinated in butter. No eggs. Apparently my order wasn’t as interesting as the twins so no one had paid attention to it. Fortunately, it was a voucher and I had brought along a Fiber One bar so I didn’t complain. I just threw the plate away and left. (I want to quickly add here, have you seen the cost of the newly redesigned 2008 Sequoia’s? Let’s put it this way, if the 2007’s cost that much I wouldn’t own one.)

So this afternoon we run to Sam’s. Most of the way through the store we were left alone but as you would pass some aisles you would hear people say “Oh, they have twins”. So we get to the check out and the cashier starts in asking us questions. Are these our first? Yes. Do we have any other children? No, first means initial, nothing preceding. Are we going to have any other children? What? We don’t know you and why would you even care. That hasn’t been decided on yet but when we decide she’ll be the first to know. Then she starts calling other people over to look at the twins. And canopies are moved and I can hear Ward mumbling the Lord’s name in vain and I think what are we in for over the next year or so or maybe even longer?

I know people, they’re twins. I gave birth to them and that I will never forget. I know they are the cutest babies ever, thank you. The pink clothes are because one is a girl, the blue because one is a boy. The canopies are there for our privacy, how about giving us some.

Are we unintitled as parents of twins to walk through the mall or buy crappy food and be left alone? Must we get rude with you? Do you even realize you’re being rude? Should we just stay at home to avoid the intrusion?

The morale of our story, introverts shouldn't have twins.



Ward and June said...

Intoverts should have SWORDS!


James said...

Ugh. You couldn't be more right. My wife and I are house shopping these days and went to several open houses last weekend. When deciding what to do with the kids that afternoon, I told her I didn't want to take the twins with us because I didn't feel like talking to EVERYONE we saw. And people have no concept of personal space. The next time someone reaches for your baby carriers, you should start rooting through their purse while they're standing there. You know, if people want to be all friendly and all...