Friday, October 3, 2008

I know we're Lancers, but we're just not THAT close.

I love my neighbors, not all of them necessarily but I really like the people who live closest to us. They donated their dilapidated playhouse to us, they fix Ward's guitars for free, they let us come in their house when they're gone and borrow eggs and we always have dependable house/dog sitters when we go out of town FOR FREE (they have a dog with whom we do the same). They come to our house for holidays and parties, we buy from their children's fund raisers and they, being the horticulturist type, trim our shrubs and flowers when we are 8 months pregnant. We all went to the same high school even though we attended ten and twenty years apart from one another (with the exception of Ward, who was a Colonel). We are pretty close, as far as neighbors go.

Or so I thought.

Recently, like yesterday, a friend of mine told me that her neighbor went into labor. She hadn't seen or spoken to the new parents but she had spoken with another neighbor who had told her all the details. How did she know all the details, why she was in the room, how else (OK, I understand someone could have told her but I am looking for dramatic effect here people). But she wasn't the only neighbor who attended the birth, two others did as well.

As stated before, I really like my neighbor's, but I also like privacy. When I gave birth it was a family only ordeal and when I mean family it was Ward and I. I would have perhaps had more people in the room (my sister) but I just felt too uncomfortable about how the situation could end up (like it did, emergency c-section at 5 a.m.). But my neighbors, they were never on the attendance list. I did see my neighbor when I was in labor, but only to my surprise on the hospitals Epidural video. I like privacy, I don't tell many people about the origins of my children's existence, I didn't tell people I was pregnant until my second trimester or that I was pregnant with twins until I had passed the twenty week miscarriage date and I certainly don't invite them to my deliveries. I know, I am the one with issues.

I know a lot of people though, who embrace a lot of people attending the miraculous event that is childbirth but now that I have both attended one and been responsible for one I feel even more the need for privacy in the delivery room. I don't mean that parents, siblings, or other close people should be kept from the delivery, I just think that it is not a place for friends and acquaintances. Things can happen without any warning and I just have to wonder is it really a good idea to have so many people in attendance? My doctor would only allow Ward and one other person in the room, I am sure that was mainly for her liability purposes but I don't think it is such a bad policy.

I think that mainly for me it is that I am a controlling person. I like to be in control and giving birth is one time when I felt that I was only in partial control of the situation (until the c-section when I felt I lost all control of the situation). But what do you think, am I just being weird? I have watched those birthing stories on TLC, I would just never want to be on their show.


I was given full permission to tell this story, no names or other information have been disclosed, mainly because I didn't get any other information, it seemed too private.

1 comment:

Cheryle said...

I fully agree with not wanting the world in the delivery room! My "babies" are 38, 37, and 28, but I vividly remember how vulnerable and undignified I felt while in labor, and how little I wanted to have to think about anyone but ME ME ME! Unfortunately, when my kids were born, no one was allowed in - not even their dad! Three years ago I was thrilled, though, to be at the birth of my youngest grandson (my d-i-l was most gracious to invite me!), and it was a wonderful gift! But my neighbors - no, thanks! I wouldn't even have wanted my sister there!

I like your writing style and will follow your adventures.