George Lucas Is Trying To Destroy Everything Pure From My Childhood

Alright, let me get straight to the point, George Lucas has become a menace to society and he must be stopped at all costs!

We just watched Indiana Jones and the Mystery of Why This Movie was even Made, and I must say that I am beyond disappointment. You can read our review of this piece of crap here. But what I want to talk about here is integrity, and why there is none left in Hollywood.

When I was a lad my favorite movies were the Star Wars films and the Indiana Jones films. I mean I wanted to be Indiana Jones until I was almost 25 years old. But now all of that is tainted for me. Between Jar Jar Binks and that ridiculous Refrigerator scene I have a hard time connecting with those pure memories from my childhood when I would pretend to be Luke Skywalker, or BobaFett, or Indiana Jones. Now all I have is my memories of bee-stings, bike crashes, and being locked in a closet for days at a time.

I wonder what my kids are going to have as favorite movie heroes. The disturbingly dark Dark Knight? Iron Man? Perhaps Harry Potter, or the increasingly annoying Spiderman? What will they have?

Or what won't they have, that I did? I enjoyed those movies and anticipated them as they came out. I cherished them and relived them over and over again. And looking back on them they are still good movies. But I don't know what's happened in the movie business. Perhaps I was raised with too much TV and too many movies, and now it all just seems like regurgitated second-hand ideas packaged in a new shinier-than-ever wrappers. Perhaps those of us who have been paying attention have seen too much, and they have nothing new to offer us. Maybe my kids will enjoy The Adventures of Indiana Jones' Illegitimate Son, or STAR WARS Episode 2.75 -Obi Wan VS Jabba's Nephew, or whatever crap they decide to dole out to us hapless entertainment junkies.

I wonder what happened to the George Lucas and Steven Spielberg who created those gems of such nostalgic power? Perhaps they've been abducted by aliens with elongated skulls made of shiny-blue-psychic-power-enhancing crystal. Maybe they've been replaced with robots who look and sound and smell like them, but lack the heart and soul to create anything meaningful. Maybe these robots really liked Happy Days and thought that Jumping the Shark was a good thing.

I mean you can't really be so hard on them if they're just dumb soulless robots can you?

But what do I tell my children when they ask about my favorite movies from when I was a kid? Will I be embarrassed to say Star Wars and Indiana Jones, all they're going to know is Clone Wars and that guy from the Transformers movie with the funny hair and the leather jacket. They're going to think that Raiders is stupid and cheesy.

Parenting is hard.

-Ward