MIA

So some of you are probably wondering what has happened to me, not even a video posted in a week. Well it turns out that a few days of feeling OK were followed by several much longer days of the flu. It was my second time with the flu this winter, I thought I'd already paid my dues for this year but apparently not. Today is the first day I have been back into rotation entirely. I hate to sound silly but I am really lucky, luckier than I really thought I was. Between my husband, mother-in-law and sister I was able to do (or get done) some things that really needed to be done. Ward washed the heap of dirty clothes that were growing exponentially and I have been spending the morning tackling the clean heap. I was going to take a picture but I was honestly too embarassed.

Because it's really cold here in Virginia (there is a 100% chance of a wintery mix tonight and tomorrow, 100%, I would never make that kind of guarantee if I was a Virginian weatherman) and construction on the S.S. Deathtrap has long ceased but Ward has moved onto a new project, a new space shuttle, I mean playroom for the kids. This new adventure in our lives is to be built right off of our bedroom in what was once our "bonus room" (also known as junk room). I meant to take pictures of the wreckage before we started the junk transition to other parts of the house but for some reason I plum forgot.

We went to Charlottesville so Ricky could buy his car. It turned out to be nicer than I had remembered, or ever knew. It was a 1995, not a 93 and where as it may not have air conditioning it has heated leather seats, all for the bargain price of $1, nice. It has a few more miles than I had realized but no one will ever be able to argue the price. The gas alone in the vehicle was worth more than the $1 that exchanged hands. So now we have a fifth car in our driveway to shuffle every time we go anywhere. We have officially declared the two car garage a wasted effort as far as vehicles are concerned, besides with the relocation of six tons of junk the garage space has come in handy. I never realized how much stuff was in the bonus room.

I should get back to the heap. I have put away eight loads so far today, only four more. Keep in mind Ward washed all twelve loads, what a great guy. We often say around here that he would be a way better stay-at-home spouse than I make, but instead he has to work and then come home and take care of all of us.

"One man come in the name of love"

Just some things you may or may not know about the man whom we celebrate today.

• Martin Luther King, Jr. is known for leading the Civil Rights movement in the U.S. He believed in nonviolent opposition to segregation and racial discrimination.
• King also spoke out on the Vietnam War and poverty. He felt that money and resources used in the Vietname War would have been better spent on the War on Poverty he believed to be taking place in the U.S.
• His non-violent approach came mainly from the teaching of Gandhi.
• Became Time's Man of the Year in 1964.
• Won the Nobel Peace prize.
• The FBI put wiretaps on King's phones both at home and in hotels across the country to monitor phone calls with King and one of his trusted adviser's, New York lawyer Stanley Levinson, because of his ties to the Communist party.
• After King's "I Have a Dream" speech in Washington in 1963 the FBI said King was "the most dangerous and effective Negro leader in the country".
• The FBI threatened King to discontinue his civil rights efforts.
• In January 31, 1977, United States district judge John Lewis Smith, Jr. ordered all known copies of the recorded audiotapes and written transcripts resulting from the FBI's electronic surveillance of King between 1963 and 1968 to be held in the National Archives and sealed from public access until 2027.
• Conspiracy theorists believe that the FBI may have been involved in King's assassination.
• Stevie Wonder's "Happy Birthday" was released in 1980 as he and Coretta Scott King rallied for a Federal Holiday to celebrate Martin Luther King.
• President Reagan signed the bill in 1983 recognizing a federal holiday in celebration of MLK, Jr.
• The first holiday was celebrated in January 1986.
• Arizona Senator John McCain, voted against the bill in 1983. Arizona did not agree to recognize the holiday until 1992. The NFL even moved Super Bowl XXVII from Tempe to California in protest of the State's refusal to recognize the holiday.
• In 2000, South Carolina became the last state to recognize the holiday.
• Lee-Jackson-King day was celebrated in Virginia from 1984 until 2000, thus celebrating Confederate soldiers and a civil rights activist. In 2000, Virginia Governor Jim Gilmore proposed splitting them into two separate holidays. Only some counties recognize both. Campbell County, the county we reside in, recognizes both. DMV's across the commonwealth are also closed for Lee-Jackson day.
• Martin Luther King was shot on April 4, 1968 on the second floor balcony of the Lorraine Motel, he was pronounced dead later that evening.
  
  

Sale of the century

My uncle has a hunter green 1993 Volvo Wagon that he has had for years. Over Thankgsgiving it came to my attention that he was going to try and sell the car and I immediately thought of my brother Ricky who just got a license in October and has yet to get a car.

I called my uncle a time or two during the holidays but we were never able to get with each other and so at Bailey and Cooper's birthday party he approached me about Ricky buying the car. I told him I really wanted the car for Ricky and that we would try and find a way for him to buy it. Only problem is we don't have any money to lend anyone (not even my mother who is in danger of having her utilities cut off from not working since September, but that's a different story altogether) even for a car. My uncle and aunt said they would talk about how much they wanted for the car and get back to us.

This past week we have been talking to Ricky about the car. We looked it up on Kelly Blue Book and even without air conditioning and high mileage the car is still worth somewhere between $2-$3k. My brother wasn't sure he could afford both the car and the insurance on the car, especially with being a freshman in college who isn't allowed to have a car on campus without a "good" excuse. To my chagrin he decided against the car. I thought it would be a good investment but I understood (mostly) his decision to not buy the car.

I put off calling my uncle back because I was a little embarassed (because that's the kind of freak I am) about not buying the car. Finally, this morning I called. I told him about Ricky not being able to afford both a car purchase and car insurance at this time but asked him if they had decided what they wanted for the car. They had.

He wants to sell the car to my brother for $1.

I took it. I mean we were thinking $1000-$1500 would be a great deal and at best maybe he would take pity and offer us $500 but $1, I can't find a reason to turn that down. So I told him that we would make arrangements to come to his place in Northern Virginia but he said that he would meet us in Charlottesville.

My uncle is strange. Not in a terrible way, just in a very quiet you can never tell with him sort of way and I must admit that I am a little taken with his offer to sell us his vehicle for $1. He told me that the stereo was better in the Volvo than in either of his other vehicles. I told him Ricky would like that but really I think he would just like the price period.

And he did. I called him immediately and he called me back about a half hour later and was just as surprised as I was about the offer. He worried that a car and insurance would stretch him too far but with just the insurance to worry about it sounds a lot more feasible.

I am excited for my brother, having your first car, especially when you're young, is like a rite of passage. I remember having my first car and working just to afford the gas and insurance for that car and being really proud of myself. I hope my brother is at least half as excited as I am for him.

Because You Can't Shut Her Up When She Has Something On Her Mind.

A guest post from Todd’s favorite sister.

Dear Anonymous’s,

I’ve noticed a trend over here the past few days. It seems that some people have “stumbled” upon this blog that belongs to my favorite brother and my favorite sister-in-law. And some of those stumblers have read some things they didn’t like. I get that. Nobody likes to hear that they are annoying, or insensitive, or that someone thinks they are goofy. Nobody likes to hear it, but I promise you, everyone is to someone. Sometimes we even annoy or embarrass or offend our friends or our family. Heaven help me, I do it on a regular basis. We usually don’t mean to, at least I hope we don’t. In fact, I’d say, often the things that bug others are things we aren’t even aware we are doing.

I would be willing to bet that those same people who have “anonymously” commented here and gotten themselves in a snit have, at some point, vented at work, or the park, or at a family party, or the most unforgivable of all, to mutual friends over lunch. Maybe you have even had a laugh at the expense of my favorite sister-in-law here. Who knows, maybe you and she have had a nice chat about me, though I’d be hard pressed to believe that, as I am practically perfect in every way.

At the risk of offending even more of Alexis’ family and friends I’m here to stick up for her. I want you to know, that she loves her family, every one of them, even the ones who can be hard to love sometimes. Try as I might to lure her here to the land of forever blazing summer, she won’t budge, nothing could pull her away from her sister, her brother, her nephew who she adores, her parents who she longs to understand and have in her children’s lives, and her grandmothers’ who both mean the world to her.

She loves her friends too. All of you. Even the nutty ones. She loves that she has known you forever and that you have known her forever. She loves your children. She puts up with your husbands (I’m kidding, she thinks your husbands are great, really). Sure you get on her nerves sometimes; I bet she gets on yours once in a while too. That’s what friends do.

All I’m saying here is that you guys are all pretty lucky to have Alexis in your lives. If I could live down the street from her and my favorite brother and those twins I would be willing to put up with being mocked on the internet every now and again. It’s a small price to pay. You should thank your lucky stars, and before you start throwing stones, you might want to make sure you aren’t living in a glass house, if you know what I mean.

Yours truly,
Bailey and Cooper’s favorite aunt

Couldn't Get You Off My Mind

I may have posted this song before, I can't recall. I know I told you all about the book I first heard about the song in, but I don't know if I ever played the song for you.

When Bailey and Cooper were babies (I know they still are, I mean when they first came home and I felt less foolish singing to them) I would sing this song to them. Coop loved it.

So anyways, because it's playing in my head, Lucinda Williams:

In 1993 a little known, yet some would say overly sexually confident woman put out her first major album under Matodor Records (who've also given us great stuff from Belle and Sebastian, Guided By Voices, Teenage Fanclub amongst many many other things). The album went on to make Rolling Stones Top 500 Albums of all time (#328, after The Cure 'Disentegration' which was #326). However, the list is not fool proof as P.J. Harvey made the list twice and Guided By Voices and Luna didn't even make the list, but regardless, this album I'm talking about today, made the list.



Have you guess yet? The only person I am willing to be who reads my blog and whom would know who I was talking about would be my brother-in-law, for the rest of you I am probably enlightening you, or at least boring you.



Anyways, the lady is/was Liz Phair and the album "Exile in Guyville" is one of my all time top 10. It's not for everyone and my two favorite songs have quite a bit of babd language so unfortunately I do not recommend it for your teenagers, even though I think I was all of twelve the first time I heard it. It is not everyone's cup of tea, actually I don't think Ward can even stand to listen to it, but there is something about Phair, especially on this album, that really gets to me. I love the songwriting, the honesty, the bluntness. And I love to sing along so it really doesn't bother me that I only get to listen to this album when I am alone in my car.



Possibly my favorite Phair song ever (tied with one won't post because of the language):

Baby It's Cold Outside

Do you want to know how cold it is here in Virginia? Well, Monday afternoon we put a bag of ice that we no longer had room in the freezer for outside and now, Thursday afternoon, we still have a bag of ice.

It still hasn't snowed but county schools are closing school tomorrow because it's so cold they don't want to make students stand at the bus stop for the bus. I guess they also figure that they have those 15 snow days built in and it looks like they may not get to use any of them.

Tonight is Bunko. The theme. Blue with white snowflakes. In hopes that we will see snow.

I think I may be the only one that is OK without any snow. I mean I was expecting a bad winter what with all the acorns and the Farmer's Almanac and all, but then again it is only January 15th.

Will I Always Be Like This?

Today the kids and I went back to Romp 'N Roll after a six week hiatus. We took December off because it was too busy and hectic to try and squeeze in any romping and I thought that we may better afford the rolling after the first of the year. We also moved up from Babies Gym to Tumble Tunes which is for walkers 10-24 months old. There were twelve children total and 15 parents and grandparents present. I love how many fathers and grandmothers come to Romp 'N Roll. Of the eleven other women there in our class this morning I overheard two of them talking about being pregnant, one "8 1/2" weeks along the other "11 or so" weeks along. They appeared to be telling people they didn't know very well or at all (me) about baby names and morning sickness. They went on happily sharing due dates as I sat there wondering what was wrong with me. Coming out on my blog was a big deal. Really big. And if Ward hadn't come out days before on his own blog you all would still be in the dark, though it's nothing personal. It's just me.

I have slowly told those members of our family close to us and paused for cramps or some other sign of Armageddon. I'm not superstitious, just filled to the brim with fear. I know I've been to the doctor and had good hcg levels and saw a pole and beating heart, I know I've been sick and dragging my feet throughout the day, but it just isn't enough, I want something that I can't have. A guarantee that all will be well.

I am much more relaxed this time around, don't get me wrong. We didn't tell anyone we were pregnant for almost three weeks last time, just kept the secret to ourselves. And then slowly over six weeks confided in those nearest and dearest. But this time, I told myself, I want to revel in the excitement of being pregnant, I want to share the wonderful news. But now, now I'm more fearful than I thought I would be. I haven't told any of my friends here in town. Only you blogging buddies.

When we did the first IVF, we told everyone. We told all of our friend and family. We kept them up to date so that they knew when we were having retrievals and when we were having blood tests. The day that I found out that neither of the eggs took everyone called to find out. Everyone of them hoping for good news. I felt like a failure that I had bad news to deliver. I made Ward answer all of those calls. The sadness in the voices, I knew, would be too much for me. I knew that everyone calling was hoping for me, concerned for me, but their sympathy was just too much to bear. I avoided everyone for days and hoped that we didn't have to talk about it when we met. It was this reason alone that the second two IVFs were a total secret form the world around us, and probably the reason everyone keeps asking if this baby too is a result of top secret science experiments.

My Dad called this morning. I told him (he was in Florida last week and I didn't want to tell him while he was on vacation, though I can't exactly explain why), he seemed excited, a little shocked. He asked what my sister had said and I told him that she said she was more excited this time around than last. He told me that it was just different last time, that they wanted to be excited, but not too excited, that they were 'guarded' in case something happened. This time, he says, will be smooth sailing. Maybe he's right. But I'm stubborn and scared anyways.

I'd love to tell you that after sharing all of this with you that I am going to be less guarded and shout this exciting news from rooftops, but I just don't think it's completely safe, rooftops during pregnancy that is. So those of you who have been pregnant, did you share the news immediately? Did you wait, and if so, how long? Is there some taboo time or am I just a little, you know, crazier than I thought?

I Forgot One of The Best

Like I'm Totally Feeling Retro You Know?

My brother Ricky and his girlfriend Lucy bought me an XM radio reciever for my car and a three month subscription card. I was totally thrilled, like totally that is because not only had I been vying for XM Radio for years but it has the best 80's stations I've ever come across. Next week on Channel 44, 1st Wave, a whole week of The Cure. On the way to the grocery store today I got to listen to New Order, Depeche Mode and Tears For Fears. When I was young my sister loved Tears For Fears, we had a thing for male duos I guess (They Might Be Giants and The Coreys) and I can remember coming up with dance moves to "Everybody Wants to Rule the World". It's fun to be eight. Or ten. Or just young. We also had a whole dance routine for The Eurythmics "Last Time". Anyways, because I thought you would like a visual to walk down memory lane with me:




We danced way better than Annie Lennox and I think if paid enough, we could still perform the entire thing by heart. Forever embedded in our minds. What do you say Erin? At family dinner, Saturday?



My favorite of New Order (next to Regret, gotta love that intro)

Blog Stalking

I am totally inspired. By this.

Not only do the cupcakes look divine and the photography more than impressive, I want to know how to make these , I mean how does she get her cupcakes to drink diet soda or look like a 'Mom' tattoo?

Not that I'm feeling up to baking anything, but maybe someday. When there aren't babies the size of blueberries kicking my butt, I will attempt my own...

Positive

I figured since the cat was already out of the bag (thanks, Ward), why not go ahead and come out on my blog as well. We are still in the very early stages (I'm in my eighth week and I probably wouldn't tell anyone until twelve weeks, but Ward is super excited).

And just so you know, because you may be curious and everyone has already asked...we did not do IVF or anything else, we couldn't afford it and we wouldn't be crazy enough to do it that close to the twins anyways.

I have been really sick, really. Mostly at night though. The baby (yes, there is only one) does NOT seem to like Candy Cane JoJo's...at ALL.

One

Today Bailey and Cooper turn one. It's incredible how much more that means to me than them. They aren't even aware that it was their birthday. In the last few days leading up to their first birthday I took a little trip down memory lane, reading journal entries from this time last year. Not that I had forgotten everything but the words brought back a flood of memories, stored comfortably for the past eleven and a half months.

Yesterday morning I thought about getting up at 3 am on January 4th of last year, anxious and excited, thinking my babies would it make there entrance sometime later in the afternoon. I counted the minutes down until 6 am when I could call the hospital to see if they had room for me.

Yesterday evening I thought about watching the Incredible Hulk and not being able to feel my legs thanks to the epidural. How pointlessly we spent those last few hours as a family of two. Bana's Hulk was the reason we swore off television after our children arrived.

I've thought about the nurse checks, the pain returning as the epidural wore off, the happiness that surrounded me the moment Coop was born, followed by fear when Bailey turned. The pushing on my stomach that ensued, the wheeling me to the O.R. Being strapped to the table. The sound of Bailey's first cry and how much stronger she sounded than Coop despite the circumstances. How happy I was when they told me she would go straight to the nursery, how alone I felt when Ward left to take her there.

The long morning of recovery, the visitors and flowers. The desire to sleep I'd never felt before and haven't since. My stubborn persistence to not share my children with our visiting friends and family.

I wonder if these memories and emotions will always return to me in this powerful a way on the celebration of their birth, or if they will fade as year's pass? I know one thing, despite their being unaware of today and it's significance, their birthday means a lot to me.

Resolution Time

Wow, I haven't posted all year (ha, ha, ha). I have been super busy or super lazy the last few weeks and I have felt either to busy or guilty to post much but I thought we should gather round and talk resolutions. It is after all, the second of the new year and that is the time to really get on the ball.

So here are my resolutions as of now, for the new year:

1.) Get out of debt. This is important to me because we have carried little more than a car payment and mortgage payment for the past half decade. With the economy in a slump and a spec house that just won't sell, we have over the past year, incurred a little debt. It's time to pinch pennies and face dreaded ole Wal-mart. The down side, I forgot to eat any black eye peas yesterday.

2.) Lose weight. I'm big, I know it. I need to drop some weight, I know it. There I said it. Must we really talk more about it?

3.) Gain more patience. With the children getting into everything and my not wanting to be too harsh, I need to find some extra calm. Here's hoping for my kids sake that this is the new year's resolution that sticks.

So what are your big plans for the New Year. What do you want to cut out or add to your lives?

Happy New Year!!!

When Good Pranks Go Terribly Wrong

I am putting on my Betty Crocker apron right now.

I was going to be a realy sweet older sister this morning and go help my little brother move out of the dorms for winter break but when I called him this morning he said something like "What need your help? As if."

Ok, he didn't really say that, but he did tell me that I needn't drag my kids over to the college to help him pack up. So now what would have been possibly a busy morning and afternoon has turned into hanging around the house. The kids are down for a nap and I'm thinking...time to make more cookies.

I did make over five dozen sugar cookies with my mother-in-law on Tuesday but we are having a Christmas Party on Saturday and can you ever really have too many cookies and treats? Ok, maybe you can at Flag Day, but not Christmas.

So I'm looking for some great holiday cookie recipes. If you have any ideas or recipes I would love to hear them. I am really hoping the baking will further highten my holiday cheer. Or make me extremely frustrated. That happens sometimes when I try and make new things.

So here's to holiday baking version 2.0

And seriously, I would love your holiday cookie or snack recipes.

I'm Getting To Them, I Promise

So I was in what seemed to be the biggest hurry ever to get our christmas cards here but I appear to be in no hurry whatsoever to send them out, I am going to do them today, I promise.

I can't believe that Christmas is less than a week away, and yet somehow I still don't have that festive feeling. I think we need to watch Christmas Vacation. I'm hoping this weekend's Christmas party will spice up the season, make it feel like a holiday.

Or maybe a few Christmas videos will do it. You think? Let't see.

This is my favorite Christmas song.



poor video, good song

Because I Can't Find Anacostia on You Tube

If you have access to an online music library you should check out 'ANACOSTIA' by Son Volt. My Rhapsody radio station keeps playing it and I can't get it out of my head and it's a really good song.

I hope you like the Snowman Cardigan and matching socks

I am very funny when it comes to Christmas. First, I like to wrap everything and I appear to be in no hurry, I have been wrapping since mid-November and still have more than half of our gifts left to wrap. Actually, that is what I am supposed to be doing right now but I had this thought and I needed to share.

I think the best gift given is the truly thought out gift. I am in the middle of putting together several thoughtful gifts. Even if they aren't truly appreciated I will know that I put a lot of time and thought into them. I think the worst gift given is a gift card-in a gift bag. Nothing says I thought of you very little and spent very little time on you this holiday season like a gift card in a gift bag, except maybe nothing at all, not even a holiday card (yes, I'm eventually sending out cards).

Now with that being said, I don't expect you all to agree with me. Don't get me wrong I LIKE to receive gift cards, I just don't like to give them, just a personal preference. If you knocked out your whole Christmas list in 5 minutes at Sam's Gift Card Center, good for you, you saved about 143 hours compared to me this holiday season. I on the other hand, am sorry to say this year I had to resort to buying a gift card.

I had these wonderful (or so I thought) Christmas gift ideas for all of our family that live elsewhere and it was not a neon pink shirt with all of their names written on the back in lime green, I promise. I had made a list of everything I was going to get for each family and was feeling pretty good about it. But then my sister-in-law responded to some silly forward I sent her via e-mail in which there were like 50 Christmas questions to answer, one of them being 'what is the worst gift you ever received'. Her answer was something about a not too pretty sweater she once received and that she hates to get DVDs for gifts and that they have a pile of them unopened and unwatched. A DVD was at the center of her families gift. In fact, that part of the gift had already been purchased. But how could I, at this point, finish compiling my gift and send it to her when I knew that she hated the core of it? Well, I just couldn't. I immediately was able to scrape up gifts for her two children (at a much higher cost than my original plan) but I have been unable to come up with ANY ideas for her. I don't know her that well, I've only spoken to her a few dozen times maybe. I am almost afraid to get her something for fear of it being the wrong color, size, shape, or just plain wrong. So after much thought and consideration, yesterday afternoon in a desperate attempt to finally be done shopping, I bought her a gift card.

And I learned a valuable life lesson. Gift cards can often be the result of TOO MUCH thought and consideration. Gift cards can sometimes be the answer for the picky people you WANT to get something for, but really have absolutely no idea what to get.

So I still don't prefer gift cards to give-even if that's what people prefer to receive. And I will NOT be sending the gift card in a gift bag. I'm stubborn like that.

There's Hope For Us Yet...We Could Be Like The Duggars...OK, maybe not

What was once primary infertility has become secondary infertility in our lives as we try and add to our family. I try and soak up every minute I can with Bailey and Cooper and try to accept that we may never have any more children, some people are completely content with two, I tell myself, why can't I be? After almost six years, we did finally have a child, two in fact. I told Ward just last night that we will have more, because we are stubborn and we don't give up easily.



The way I see it, I have another 45 years to keep trying to have another baby. I mean if 70 year old women in India can have babies that has to be promising news for me, right?



In all my research and reading over the past half decade, I have read alot about getting pregnant while you're young, while time is on your side. Being 35 on you due date is considered 'advanced maternal age'. What about 70?

Earlier this week a woman in India gave birth to a daughter, the result of IVF, at the 'advanced maternal age' of 70. Earlier this year a 70 year old woman gave birth to twins, the result of IVF and a year earlier, another woman gave birth to boy/girl twins, also the result of ...IVF, at age 67. Most IVF clinics here in America, they don't even allow women into their programs if they are in their early 40's, but I guess that is mainly if the women want to use their own eggs.

In case you were wondering, there is no way that these women were using their own eggs. Women are born with all the eggs they will ever have, actually the number of eggs a woman carried peaks in utero and begins to decline almost immediately. By the time a girl reaches puberty more than half the eggs she started with are gone, and around 28 a woman's fertility and chances of becoming pregnant further lessen, even though some women have been able to get pregnant, using their own eggs, at 45, the chances become slimmer and slimmer. But 70, nope, not her eggs.

And in St. Louis, doctors have announced that they successfully transplated a full ovary from one sister to another that resulted in the birth of a baby girl early last month. So if anybody has an ovary they're not going to be using...

I Ran Out of Sugar Coating Sunday.

I don't think I will ever watch the Twilight movie. I was not the fan of the book that half of America seemed to be and my sister, who watched it the night it came out, emailed me early the next morning to say that it was the 'best worst movie' she had ever seen. It seemed to have done well, and they will probably make all four books into movies, but I doubt I will venture to the theatre to see them and if we bought them they would probably just end up on a shelf next to 'Sex and the City', so I will probably pass indefinitely.

I aim to gain at least eight pounds this holiday season. I thought I was doing ok until we had our Cookie Exchange party on Sunday and were introduced to eleven new treats, one of which was an Easy Oreo Truffle that I keep sneaking into the fridge to get a sample of, those alone are going to do me for five pounds before the New Year, I almost guarantee it.

I am possibly in the process of destroying my children's high chair pads. They are spot washable only, with the exception of dry cleaning and they had become, in my opinion, beyond disgusting and I am not in the habit of taking anything other than bedding and coats to the dry cleaner. Today, after the kids fed themselves lunch, I decided I couldn't take it any more, I put them in my now perfectly functioning washer and set it to delicate/handwash. After one wash they were still not clean enough for me, so I am currently running them through the washer again. Being proactive however, I have already found economical and washable replacements on amazon, in case I do actually destroy them in the washing process.

My husband and I have made a meal calendar in which we are going to make five days out of the week a theme night. Last night, Mexican. Easy. Everything I love is of that persuasion. Tonight however, is Experimental Tuesday. I spent almost all of the twins morning nap looking for something new and interesting to make, I still, at 2 p.m., have no idea what we are having for dinner tonight.

'Tis the season to by crazy.

You're going to think I'm crazy, but that's ok, I probably am. Ward and I have been sending Christmas cards for nine years now and we had a 'system', a fun system in which we would buy one to two boxes of holiday cards every year and we would sit down and pick cards for each member of our family and all of our friends, making sure that no one in the same family or town would recieve the same card. One night every year we would get out the lists from each card box and get to work, wishing our loved ones a happy holiday from Ward and June. I liked our system, it seemed thoughtful and unique.

But deep inside, I was jealous of all those photo Christmas cards I would receive in the mail every November through December. When I got pregnant and Christmas rolled around I was excited that we would soon have children and could join the ranks of photo christmas card senders. So as the months progressed I built up our phantom photo card in my mind, picturing the most festive, beautiful card imaginable. Ward was on board as much as can be expected and we shopped for everal Saturdays looking for matching colors and outfits, we were beyond dorky and I was loving it. I wanted to take the picture in late November but Bailey mauled her own face and the even had to be postponed. Then we had company, and then, well life just happened. Finally, this past weekend we marked the calendar and added it to a list, ensuring it would get done.

On Saturday morning, after the twins first nap, I shot over 300 photos of my family, being a perfectionist, not one of them made me happy. But I uploaded them to the computer and in some sort of hurry ordered them from Walgreens, one hour. That afternoon I went to pick them up and found that I hated them. My brother, who lives with us when he's not in college, had been cropped almost completely from the photo and it was the glossiest card I had ever seen. I hate glossy photos.

I was so sad. I had done what always happens to me, I had built an event up so high that life could never match my fantasy. I found the pictures so bad that I was in no hurry to send them after hurrying to order them.

I was in a complete funk over it, I have to admit. This morning, after looking at them again I sat down at my computer to rework the cards and found that I had just skimmed over some decent photos. I began working on a new card and became increasingly dissatisfied with the card I had in my possession.

I started to wonder if I could return the old photo cards and order new ones, ones that were more up to my standards. After talking to my sister, husband, and sister-in-law I decided, what the heck, I will try and return them.

Fortunately, they were one of the easiest returns I've ever been involved in (or at least it seemed that way) and instantly my holiday mood was brightened. I have learned a lesson here, that rushing into something can yield terrible results. So I am beginning work on a second card, and maybe it won't be everything from my wildest dreams, but I can't imagine that my second attempt will be so disappointing.

-june

Missing.

Shortly after Ward and I were married I joined a gym with my sister, Erin. One evening when we were heading to the gym we decided to run into Wal-mart and grab who remembers what. As we were exiting the double doors in ran a small black and white short haired cat. We grabbed him and took him to the car. He was still a kitten but probably six months or older. I called Ward and told him of our find, we had wanted a cat for sometime and had a short affair with another short haired black and white cat before we were married that ended in a couch that smelled bad for years and a slightly used litter box. Instantly, Ward's heart was won and the cat allowed to join our family. The cat we got at Wal-mart was named Sammy. Ward has always had more affection for feline's than myself. In the course of our marriage we have had four cats.

Sam was an indoor cat, a secret from our landlord, and he enjoyed box tops and looking through the blinds. When we bought our first house it was because of him that we went with the faux wood blinds, the plastic ones would not do for him. Being feisty, he did not take well to our move or the fact that the mother-in-laws dog was allowed inside at our new stomping grounds. After a few intentional accidents with the new living room furniture he was uprooted and taken to my mother's house. I felt terrible about the decision almost immediately but it wasn't until my brother told me they were letting him outside that I decided to go and rescue him once again.

In a rescue mission my sister and I went up and got Sam and three kittens, all who were dying from flea infestations and something else we coined 'the sickness'. I took Sam and a new cat, Chester, while my sister took the other three kittens. Sam and Chester did well together and Sam had less outbursts (with the exception of that year we went to Disney and left him at home). When we got Max and then Jake within a year or so later, Sam was not pleased but handled it well enough.

When we had family come and stay with us in late 2004, Sam decided he preferred the outdoors and I didn't argue, I've never been a fan of the litter box cleaning. It was during this time that I realized how much Sam loved little girls, he took to our neighbor's little girl so much that he stayed at their house almost as much as our own. When we moved in 2006 I was pleased to find that a little girl just a little younger lived next door, Sam and Mackenzie were instant friends.

When we moved here Sam never strayed or left us to find our old home. Maybe he loved us, maybe he liked the new neighbors better. He enjoyed the garage and we set up an area for the cats (by this point we had three) on top of the dog crates. Surprisingly, our cats have always gotten along well with the dogs, Max used to carry around one of the cats in his mouth until we put a stop to it because he was rubbing her neck bald.

When Chester disappeared early last year I was sad but knew that Chester had always been a roamer and I figured he had possibly found a home where he liked the people better. Sam and Crookshanks however, remained and stayed close to the house. Every morning they would greet one of us reaching out their necks for a rub.

I thought Sam was happy and that is why it came as a surprise last week when Ward asked me when the last time I had seen Sam. When I thought about it I realized it had been at least two days since I had seen him last. When I mentioned it on Thanksgiving to my neighbor she said that Sam hadn't greeted her and Mackenzie at the bus stop all week. I began to get worried.

About two months ago I accidentally locked Crookshanks in our little car that we never drive and it was just as accidentally that I saw what I thought was movement in the back of the car three days later. The car smelled horrible but the cat was ok. Then a week or so ago my brother found the same cat, Crookshanks, in the storage room in the basement. Luckily, she had only been shut in there hours earlier. But I can't help worrying that someday I am going to open a closet or door and find him, too late. I have looked throughout the house and have found no trace of him.

This afternoon Ward called me and asked if I thought that the Humane Society may have him. I called both the Humane Society and Animal Control and left missing reports. They haven't seen any animals matching Sam's description in our time frame. Is this a good thing or a bad sign?

I can't seem to fight the feeling that Sam isn't just missing. I just don't feel optimistic about seeing him again.

Ouch. That Hurt.

So this morning I was going to log on and post over at thethomastwins in honor of the wee folk turning 11 months old when what to my surprise do I find but this. That's right folks, Ward has left me.

And he didn't even tell me he was going to leave. Just left that blog for me to stumble across next time I went to blog. Keep in mind he did start the blog last night when I had gone to a fantastic!! Tastefully Simple party at a friends, so maybe he was going to tell me and I just found it before he had the chance.

So why do I feel sad? Well, maybe because this whole blog thing was supposed to be a joint endeavor that Ward seemed to have gave up on some time ago, writing less and less. Maybe this blog wasn't all he dreamed it would be, maybe it was the playlist?

So it appears it's just me now folks, I don't even feel like carrying on as June you know, after this split it feels a little pointless.

You want to know the thing that really drives me bonkers, it's really stupid but I am going to divulge anyways, I hate our blog url and have for sometime and now that my husband is no longer a part of my blog I want to change it (actually I've wanted to change it for a long time), gosh I'm sad, huh?

-?

Me, The Oligomaniac

Have I mentioned that I have 27 photo albums and have not yet reached my 27th birthday? Have I mentioned that my memory is sketchy at best and I rely on photos and journals to help me remember the things that have past, however inaccurate of skewed? Have I mentioned that I love the way it looks and feels behind a camera, that the world looks different through a lens, more beautiful, poetic, softer?

Well I do, it is and it does.