If We're Lucky

I am reading Anthony Swofford's memoir Jarhead. It is OK, but I like to look at Jake Gyllenhaal so I think I prefer the movie, but the other night when I was reading I came across this paragraph and it really struck home with me:

"While me mother worked on my iron-on, my father paid bills or wasted time inside his study, either unwilling to take part in the historic moment occurring in the kitchen or simply disinterested in the elite future his son might frasp, the USMC iron-on considered with the same paternal irony as Boy Scout camp and trumpet lessons and Little League, money gone and time possibly wasted but what the hurt, this is life, and life goes on and children live happily if we're lucky and raise them well."

So I really enjoy where Swofford is going at the end there, "children live happily if we're lucky and raise them well."

I think of all the things we want to do for our children, and with our children and even those silly romp and roll classes and I wonder if we should even be doing them, but here I find some solace that what's the harm? That maybe it;s time wasted but only if you look at it that way. I think I would rather think of it as cherished time, all of it, even the bad.

Coop is sitting up. All the time, for 45 minutes at a time. He won't fall over, instead he cries if he wants to lay down or change positions. And I am so proud and happy of this inevitable feat. I feel like my child is special and of course he is to me and all the people who love him, but really what is he doing that most other humans aren't capable of? In a few weeks he will be sitting up and it won't surpsise me and I will think nothing of it, but for now I think it is incredible. Reminiscent of all the smaller milestones prior and all the larger ones to come. In five more months he will be crawling and eating more foods and perhaps speaking words or even walking and sitting up will be rather small potatoes. Bailey is right behind him, just grasping the sitting up technique. And I think they are miraculous, and really they are.

And I don't want them to change and yet I want to see them conquer every obstacle before them and the two sides of me are at odds. But I know they most grow up and so I want them to succeed everywhere they turn and I want to be there behind them pushing and encouraging them. And of course I want them to be happy.

And maybe, if I am lucky...

They will be.

-june