Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Random Confessions of a New Mom

That tree, the nine and a half foot tall one, the one that I begged my husband to help me put up on Novemeber 12 of last year, it is still standing tall in our foyer. We have now started to think of ways to keep it up all year long. Maybe hearts next month and eggs or four leaf clovers in March. Soon there won't be any reason to take it down, it will be close enought to Christmas to just leave it up.

I take a shower not so much to get clean and shampoo my hair but to be alone for five minutes and not feel guily about it. Of course, yesterday Trauma started to cry while I was showering and it became a two minute shower.

I used to have a ten time a week habit at Target, now I get to go on Saturday morning while Ward stays home with Trauma and Trouble. I used to think that I would be the kind of mother who would never leave her children, not until they were pulled away from me and put on the bus to go to Kindergarten. I realize now that no one should be like that, I'm not saying that I want to get away from my children. I just want to go outside. So that I don't end up like this:

I miss the belly. I know that goes againt Post #1, but it's true. Not all the time but occasionally I feel this way. I miss how easy it was to take care of them in utero, now I worry about every cough and wonder why Trouble still spits up through her nose. I miss them wiggling and pushing. I miss the way Ward treated me, like I was carrying precious cargo (and in our opinions I was).

I keep telling myself that it will get easier, but I don't really believe this and I don't think that I should. It probably won't 'get easier', I will just get better (hopefully) at my new position. How can dealing with a toddler going through the terrible twos or a defiant teenager going to be any easier than a six pound infant that sleeps (although in cat naps) for fifteen hours a day?


wesley's mom said...

Wow! I too was severed from my internet connection this morning. I feel your pain.

Now, about that tree, I happen to know for a fact that your mother in law could hook you up with some serious seasonal ornamentation--plastic canvas even.

I would love to see video of the through the nose vomit. - Really any video at all of the littles would be great.

Ward and June said...

Boy am I glad that the iternet started working around here. I came home for lunch today and found that my wife had been replaced by a wild bear. But now all is calm.