Wednesday, January 2, 2008

I have been misled

After almost six years of trying we finally succeeded in getting pregnant.

At six weeks, we learned it was twins.

So after finding out I was going to have not one but two babies my pregnancy was recategorized as high risk. This didn't mean that I got to see the doctor more often but only that when I saw her that she would continue to remind me that twins are often born premature "small and sick", that their mothers almost always develop gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, anemia, placental problems, or something just as bad and that I would almost definitely experience bedrest no later than week 20. My many books on twins reinforced the notion that twins often come early, too early and have to spend time in the NICU, so gain weight early, at least 50 lbs. These books, as well as magazines and other helpful advice from friends and family continued to remind me that I would be lucky to carry two babies for 32 weeks, the majority of twins are born premature.

I was warned about vanishing twin syndrome.

I was warned about the costs of twins and the medical costs associated with prematurity and long NICU stays.

I was warned to buy a pump and plan to use it to keep milk production up while the babies spent time in the NICU.

I was warned that most twins are born via C-section.

So I expected Thanksgiving babies even though my due date wasn't until January 2008. But (fortunately) they didn't come. Then I expected early December babies. As we neared Christmas and I began to dilate I began to expect Christmas babies. They'll be here by New Year's, I thought. It has finally dawned on me that these babies are never going to be born.

Now don't get me wrong, I love carrying around 40 extra pounds and so does my back. I love having feet that look like bricks but feel like jelly. I love having stretch marks that don't just cover my belly but everywhere else, at least those places I can still see. But I must admit that why I was warned of prematurity, bedrest, small babies, and weeks in the NICU I was able to prepare myself emotionally at least a little bit for what was in store. BUT what I wasn't prepared for was making it until my 39th week, which is a miracle for which I am grateful when well rested, but I feel as though I have been misled.


No comments: