Thursday, August 13, 2009

Any minute now.

Yesterday was my final ultrasound. When the baby is as big as this baby, there really isn't much to make out because things like his face are hidden and his profile is too large to be depicted on the ultrasound screen. But is was still nice to see his beating heart and to have it confirmed, yet once more, that he is definitely a he. According to the ultrasound, which the tech said could be off as much as a half pound either way, puts him at 7 lbs 15 oz. My doctor said that is smaller than she thought he was but that I have more amniotic fluid than normal and that may be why I am measuring as big as I am. Almost 8 lbs sounds HUGE to me, Bailey and Cooper were both 6 lbs 6 oz. The fact that they weighed almost 13 lbs together doesn't really make me feel any better about this ONE being almost 8 lbs. Everything looked good, his heartbeat seemed low to me but the tech said they only worry if there heartbeats go under 100, apparently 118-120 isn't too low.

The baby has dropped but that's about it for news reporting on going into labor and now I literally feel as though I have to go to the bathroom every ten minutes no matter how much or little I drink. I know that with a second baby the labor can go faster but I just don't really feel labor approaching any time soon. I have been blessed with Braxton Hicks contractions for months now and have only experienced, if anything, more intense ones lately. Not anything to get excited about.

I have, however, entered the cannot sleep stage. I consider myself very fortunate. With Bailey and Cooper I entered this stage at about 24 weeks. It was a long and difficult 3 rd trimester. If sleep deprivation doesn't show up until 38 weeks can you really complain about it? I figure, probably not. I did take advantage of nap time this afternoon which was nice, but almost assures that I will be up all night tonight. Can you take Tylenol PM when you are pregnant? Due to the lack of sleep I am reading a book every other day. This week, since Snow Flower and the Secret Fan I have read The Bean Trees, Speak and am due to finish Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets when sleep doesn't come tonight. I find this to be a great consolation that I can read this much now, when the new baby comes I won't be able to sleep well or read much for at least a few weeks.

I have two friends, whom I've only gotten to know this year, who are being quite wonderful about the new baby's arrival. They have offered to watch Bailey and Cooper if I go into labor and are willing and wanting to bring dinner to this vegetarian's home at least three times after we have the baby and have even offered to pick the twins up and take them to Romp and Roll for classes. Even if they don't do any of it their sentiments are very moving to me. I have a few other friends who have offered to help as well. The only problem is I cannot seem to ask for help. Even when I know I need it and really really want it. I keep thinking I need to get over this little idiotic hump of mine, that people wouldn't offer if they didn't want to help, but I just have a hard time accepting help and reaching out for more of it when I need it.

Several people have asked lately if I'm ready for this baby. This question seems harder for me to answer than explaining the quadratic equation. I mean it's so complicated and I think the easiest answer and possibly most accurate, is I really don't know. On the one hand I am ready to meet this little guy and have my stomach back, or at least one that barely resembles mine, so that I can reach down for the children and have them sit in my lap again. I'm ready to move forward as a family of 5. On the other hand, the concept of no longer being pregnant is actually a little depressing to me. I was overwhelmed with this feeling last time at least, which I didn't expect. I am hoping it doesn't hit me too hard this time, but babies are so much easier to care for in the womb.

Also, I cannot begin to explain how I feel like I am taking something away from Bailey and Cooper by having a new baby when they are only 19 months old, instead of the thought of giving them a new brother, I worry about their jealousies and their complicated minds taking in the new situation. I worry, I worry, I worry. Just another one of my beautiful character flaws.

So for now, I sit and wonder and worry and wait. It's driving me a little batty, I could use a little distraction. My mother-in-law is bringing dinner, I am sure she will do the trick and for this I will be grateful.


TwentySomethingMomma said...

Wandering in via MBC's Under 100 Club.

Let me say that your fears and concerns are not only valid, but they're perfectly normal as well. Welcoming a new member into your family is a big enough change without worrying about how this will affect the children who are already there.

If it helps alleviate your worries at all, I'd like to tell you that my baby's transition into our family felt literally seamless (despite the fact that he was in the NICU for a week before we could even bring him home).

He was born when his brother was only 21 months old, and while I feared that our first son would experience feelings of jealousy at being "replaced", this hasn't been the case. In fact, if there's someone in this world who loves my baby more than I do, I'm fairly certain it's his big brother. =)

Good luck with everything - I wish you lots of peace while you await the arrival of your little boy!

(By the way, I'm now following you - hope you don't mind!)


Cheryle said...

You will all be fine. Bailey and Cooper will have their jealousies, but, given their young age, will never remember a time before Baby and all will soon be routine.

You will be sad and that's normal. I loved being pregnant and was sad when I knew I was never going to be pregnant again. And yes, babies are definitely easier to take care of when they're inside, but you never can put them down! And, as you mentioned, there is no lap available for Bailey and Cooper!

Be well, my blogger friend. I pray for you a safe delivery, a healthy boy, and many years as a happy family of five.

And some day you'll sleep through the night again!