Where else can I read?

I love to read. I read a lot. I can't just read anywhere however, not for any length of time. Before I became pregnant with the twins I used to take baths and read, it was sometimes the highlight of my day. When I became pregnant I was told, by someone whom I can't recall, that I shouldn't take baths, so for weeks I refrained but when leg cramps set in, I was really missing our jetted tub. Finally, around 14 weeks I asked my doctor. I don't know why I waited this long but I finally just went ahead and asked and she gave me the go ahead. For the remainder of my pregnancy I remained in the tub, sometime taking 4 baths a day, especially in the very end. It was the only time I felt anything near good.

And I read about four dozen books as well as completed a lot of crossword puzzles (until I fell asleep and dropped my book in the tub). But as soon as the babies were born my life completely changed. I could no longer take two hour long baths. Or even thirty minute ones. It was one of the hardest things to deal with, I know that sounds silly but it was. I remember the day after I came home crying at the sight of the tub remembering all those late nights with just me and the babies. They moved more at night than any other time. I remember the rolling and poking like it was yesterday.

In the past few months with the kids sleeping from about 8-8 I have slowly squeezed in more and more baths. After I found out I was pregnant and I started getting nauseous the tub is where I would head (it eased my stomach more often than not). And I find I have been reading a lot more, already four books this month. My baths are my quiet me time. It's the thing I do for myself.

I can sometimes stay in the tub for two hours when I'm reading a good book. I just prop my feet up so they don't get wrinkled and immerse myself in a good novel. I wish there was some other place for me to read but it seems that the bath is more comfortable than any other spot in the house for reading.

It's probably time I got a new crossword puzzle book, too. I got really addicted the last time I was pregnant and haven't done one since I dropped the other one in the water.

Gearing up for...Turkey Day?

Have you noticed recently the new name pegged with the fourth Thursday of November? More and more people are referring to it as 'Turkey Day'. I know it's a harvest celebration in which we focus mainly on food but 'Turkey Day', really? Is it really the only day of the year when the 305 million of us in the United States eat Turkey? People hate when Christmas is shortened to Xmas, well I hate when Thanksgiving is slanged Turkey Day, maybe it's the vegetarian in me.

Despite our reluctance to acknowledge this Thursday as Turkey Day we will be having our annual Black Friday/No Turkey Thanksgiving Dinner with a twist this year. We will be having turkey,

not a real Turkey, but a Turkey nonetheless. Ward is so excited about it, can't you tell?

In the spirit of Thanksgiving we will also be reading this wonderful short story to the children about a group of students who visit Farmer Mack Nuggett and his eight Turkeys who are about to be made into Thanksgiving dinner when the children get a better idea. I don't believe this book is 'leftist crap' or 'anti-farmer' as many amazon reviewers suggested. It is a light, funny, make believe story that is a nice twist on Thanksgiving, especially for vegetarian families like ourselves.

Oh, and let's not forget some of the things I am thankful for today:

1. Sunshine.

2. Naptime.

3. Coffee.

4. My Nikon D80 and all the things I have been able to record with it over the past 8 months.

5. Washing machine and dryer. I can’t say that I love them, but can you imagine life without them?

6. Bubble bath, good books and an hour to myself.

7. My wonderful husband who does everything for me and who turns 34 today.

8. Being able to stay home with our children.

9. That my mom, dad, brother, sister and mother-in-law called me yesterday.

-june

I'm Thankful. Very, very thankful.

I haven't had a lot of things to post about this week. I have been chasing around two foot tall treasures and busy at nap times with holiday planning with a very busy four day weekend coming up ahead. I have had several ideas but before I have a had a moments chance to post the thought has escaped and I haven't chased them down.

However, this morning we were having a lazy morning with Banana-Pecan waffles and coffee for us and regular waffles and milk for the kids when I thought about the holidays coming up and how much Thanksgiving is just brushed over, at least in my famiy. It just feels like any other day most of the time, like we are just pushing through so that Black Friday and Christmas can be upon us. I want to take back Thanksgiving, give it some meaning.

So for the next few days I am going to focus on all of the things I am thankful for, little or huge, in no particular order, starting with:

1. Ward, Cooper and Bailey. Thankful seems like such a small word for how lucky I feel to have these people as my focus, my center, my core.
2. My friends and family. I won't take time to list everyone, you know who you are.
3. Our roof. And by roof, I mean our shelter, our home. We have a roof over our heads that we often take for granted when we really shouldn't, especially in a year when Americans are losing their homes at all time records. And yet many of those people are still far more fortunate than millions of other people in the world, without a roof or shelter of any kind.
4. Bread and cherry coke.
5. That my Father who turns 70 tomorrow is still alive, that his mother, who turned 90 in April is still alive and that my maternal grandmother who is 80 can still keep up with us at Potomac Mills.
6. That I am finally a mother.
7. My children's laughs.

Ok, I could go on and on, and I probably will as the week progresses but I have to start thinking about dinner and grocery lists so I should log off. But I encourage all of you to take time this week and reflect on all the things you are grateful for.

-june

221 To 460

This morning the twins and I went to Romp and Roll for a playdate with our playgroup. We got there late because we had to drop payroll off with Ward and I wanted to walk through the house they are building. When we got to Romp and Roll most of the Moms and children we had come to meet were leaving so we hung out playing on the floor and sucking on Koosh Balls until noon. I hadn't been out for a while to take any pictures, I have taken some here or there so that I will have something to post but I hadn't really been out on a photography mission in a few weeks so I figured that after lunch I would do the unspeakable and let them nap in the car while I drove around taking shots from my window. It turned out to be the most peaceful afternoon I have had in quite some time.

My father was a Greeting Cards Salesman when I was growing up. Here in the small towns of Virginia, West Virginia and North Carolina and for a time South Carolina, Georgia and Tennessee, there used to be quite a few small grocers and family owned convenient stores and my dad sold them Greeting cards. He had fixtures and boxes upon boxes of cards in his back seat and trunk and he spent every day for almost twenty years driving the back roads finding these places and servicing them on approximately six week rotations. My little brother was never put in daycare but was taken along with my dad almost every day and watched by my grandfather the rest of the time. On days when my dad was investigating new accounts and my grandfather was busy he would pull my sister or I out of school to sit in the car and watch Ricky. Older stores were used to my tag along brother but it wasn't professional to have Ricky tag along into new accounts.

New accounts were acquired in this way: My dad would put $5 in the tank (which was not a lot it seems, even back then) and would wander back roads and side streets aimlessly looking for stores that seemed like they would be persuaded by his sales pitch. I loved going along with my dad (especially on overnighters) because I got to have lunch out with him, read all afternoon and sleep when I wanted. But more than any of that I loved the scenic routes we encountered along the way.

When my mom moved out my brother moved with her and my dad no longer needed my babysitting services so I was not invited as often and so I almost completely stopped going. Between the fall of 1998 and the summer of 1999 he hit a rough time and spent a combined total of 3 months in the hospital due to various illnesses and accidents. By the time he was fully recovered most of his accounts had decided they no longer wanted to stock greeting cards. He got a job as an Inventory Specialist with RGIS and moved to Maryland in early 2000.

Since that time I have seldom travelled back roads and side streets but with my new blog that terrain is what I am seeking. I came home the back way, or the long way really, today from Romp and Roll. I did a big circle around Bedford County, taking a few dozen pictures and listening to Brian Hall, which is perfect for this type of excursion as he sings about South Boston, the road to the farm and closing factories. Driving through the countryside was overwhelmingly touching and beautiful. I doubt that the people around even notice all the beauty that surrounds them because they encounter it everyday. Several people almost stopped and one actually stoppped their vehicle to watch what I was doing while I was parked on the side of the road snapping photos.

I was saddened when the billboards picked up and the road I was on merged with the highway 460. I wished it would have gone on a little longer but the kids were stirring and the belly grumbling, so we headed home.

Happy Birthday To Me

Anyone who knows me very well knows that I like to celebrate my birthday so yesterday I was having a bit of a Samantha Baker experience. I woke up to find Ward working on the S.S. Death Trap and a messy house to de-clutter. Several family members wished me happy birthday by way of Facebook or Blogs and my Dad and sister called to wish me a happy birthday but other than that is was like any other Saturday. Ward didn't even come in and wish me a happy birthday until 10 a.m.

My neighbor came by a little after that for me to accompany her to the auction down the street but she didn't wish me a happy birthday but I figured that she just didn't know. When I called my friends to tell them they should bid on the house (that is now up to $300K) they didn't wish me a happy birthday. My brother called at 3 to wish me one but then asked to speak to Ward.

I wasn't expecting whistles and bells but I was a little bummed at the brushing over of my birthday. My sister had plans, she couldn't even see me on my birthday and there weren't even any good movies at the theatre. I was feeling jaded and like a high schooler and yet I couldn't shake the bummed feeling.

Last weekend I had asked Ward if he wanted to have people over to play games on my birthday and he just shook it off, when he called on Monday and asked me out to a dinner and a movie I was excited. Yesterday that was the one thing I was really looking forward to. Dinner at Olive Garden, where I have not eaten since the day before I was induced and then a movie. I was supposed to make my own dessert, but feeling jaded and bummed I skipped it completely.

Ward suggested an early dinner and an early movie. Lucy dropped Ricky off and headed to work, Ricky mowed the grass and we got ready for our night out. I was worried about how the twins would handle our absence and I busied myself with getting ready and setting out PJs. At 5:30 I gave Ricky detailed instructions. We won't call, I told him. Call us if you have any problems but don't worry with crying as they may cry because we are gone.

We left without long goodbyes because I didn't want to draw the twins attention to our exit. When we were pulling out of the neighborhood Ward commented on how early we were going out. Even though he had suggested it I suddenly felt rotten. I felt like we should be seeing a later movie and only went ahead with the 5:30 thing because he seemed so sure of his plan.

We got to Olive Garden and there was a wait. He suggested heading to the bar. We treated ourselves to a drink which we never do. Within 15 minutes our buzzer went off. Almost as soon as we were seated my stomach started to bother me. We ordered appetizers and our meals. I kept feeling worse. I couldn't describe it but it kept getting steadily worse. Ward started to suggest that we not go to the movie but go home. By the time our dinner came I was feeling awful, I felt extremely hot and I was even beginning to feel physically ill. Ward wanted to go home and I was getting upset about ruining my 'birthday dinner' and our evening. Ward assured me that I wasn't ruining his evening, that he didn't even want to see the movie but I was getting so upset. I couldn't touch my food and Ward got the check. I was feeling worse and worse both physically and even emotionally. I couldn't shake the immature feeling that my birthday was a bust. I felt stupid for feeling that way and I wondered if I was feeling anxiety over leaving the children at home.

Ward went to the restroom and I headed outside to get some fresh air. I pictured myself home on the couch sick and I just wanted to go home and go to bed and wake up when it was no longer my birthday. When he came outside he asked if I was feeling better and I was, I was beginning to wonder if I was sick because I had left the kids at home and having decided to go home I was slowly feeling better. He asked if I wanted to go to Target, my most favorite place but I just wanted to go home.

On the way home I started feeling better and I asked him if he wanted to go to the movie. He said we should go home and get some medicine and if I wanted to see a later movie when the kids were asleep then we could head back out, I was beginning to feel almost fine. He started joking about my birthday being a waste and him not buying me a cake or even a card. He was getting me to smile and I was starting to like the idea of putting the kids to bed and going back out to the theatre even though I was still bummed about dinner.

We got home and came through the garage as usual and when I opened the door to the house

SURPRISE!!!!
There by the laundry room was my sister and her son, her husband, some couples who I had spoke to that morning and had not even wished me a happy birthday, my brother, the twins, our neighbors, and a few other couples all throwing me a surprise birthday party. I was instantly thrown off guard, laughing and wondering if Ward had poisoned my dinner. I can't describe how surprised I was. We had only been gone for a little over an hour. The house was decorated. The kids fed and in pajamas. I couldn't stop blushing and wondering where everyone was parked.

Ward had called my sister and a few of our friends and arranged the whole shebang. There was even Ice Cream cake, my favorite. I couldn't get over how I had never caught on. It was pretty cool.

I got a few pretty cool gifts but I have to address my favorite. My brother Ricky lives with us. He and Lucy's gift really hit me hard. In a blue bag there was a Hallmark card that said

june,

As I sit in your basement scribbling you this card so I can bring it to you, I just can't thank you enough for all you've done for me. Keeping me housed, fed and loved while our mother failed.


(Back)

Anyway, here is at least one step towards your photo studio.

And in the bag was this:

(Note the Disposable cameras)

In the 'Open Last' envelope was this.

Make that 2 steps.

And the next thing I know Ricky runs over to the steps leading to the basement and brings out a lighting kit from Ritz. I was shocked at the gift but even more so by the cards and his thoughtfulness, it wasn't that he isn't thoughtful it was just a really powerful experience with the card coupled with the whole surprise party.

The whole evening was awesome. I couldn't believe that Ward had thrown me a surprise party, it just isn't like him and everyone else had been so hush hush about it. I felt utterly silly and juvenile for thinking that no one remembered me. On the way home last night from Olive Garden Ward was saying things that could have made me suspicious but a surprise party is just too unlike him. I can't imagine what he must be planning for our anniversary!

-june

Our Kids Just Got EVEN Better!

Coop has started reaching for me and it melts every ounce of me. For a few days I couldn't really tell because when he gets angry he throws his arms out to his sides like he has wings but twice so far today when I have come in the living room from the kitchen he sees me and he starts to cry and when I reach down for him he puts his arms above his head like he is reaching up for me. And I love it.

I'm thinking triplets might not be so bad.

And I am also thinking he has found my soft spot and it could all go downhill from here for me. They'll be thinking, That Mom, all you have to do is pretend to like her and she is like putty in your hands.

Oh well, it could be worse.

-june

Darkroom Desires

Oh, that title sounds as though I am going to delve into taboo topics. I am not. The other night my brother was showing me his Photography Class Portfolio from high school and it was making me think about my own days in Photography 101 at that very high school some ten years ago with the very same teacher when the class was new, my sister and I took it at the same time. Very interesting that we all took the same class in high school. Other than Freshman English it may be the only class all three of us took.

Anyways, his shots were very good and though it may be boring for many I rather enjoyed the test strips and the stacks of the same shot at different stages of development. There was even a shot of me, four days before I was induced (which I will certainly post later). Looking through the portfolio re-sparked an old desire of mine.

A darkroom.

When I was seven or eight my parents bought me and my sister Kodak cameras (I know, I already told this story) and ever since I have really enjoyed photography. When I was twelve I read a quote in Time Magazine beside a picture of John F. Kennedy and his wife Jackie on their yacht, it read 'Pictures help us hold onto what we know will disappear.' Though a rather sad quote I have never forgotten it and it makes me treasure my photos and albums even more.

Since March I have taken over 2200 photos with a camera that was so worth the moratorium on spending you cannot even comprehend. Sunday I bought a 500G External Hard drive to back up my family's treasure. But since viewing my brother's portfolio I have been thinking about that darkroom. I remember how much I enjoyed seeing my prints develop in the developer. The smell of the fixer. The light from the enlarger.

OK, it really wasn't that romantic, but I really enjoyed it. I was going to take more shots in college but I never got around to it.

I am not a photographer, I do not take awesome snapshots, I do not capture moments in all of their brilliance, no I save that for the real photographers but that isn't going to stop me from loving photographs and all the honesty of the past they hold.

And someday, maybe I can use my brother's darkroom.

-june

If We're Lucky

I am reading Anthony Swofford's memoir Jarhead. It is OK, but I like to look at Jake Gyllenhaal so I think I prefer the movie, but the other night when I was reading I came across this paragraph and it really struck home with me:

"While me mother worked on my iron-on, my father paid bills or wasted time inside his study, either unwilling to take part in the historic moment occurring in the kitchen or simply disinterested in the elite future his son might frasp, the USMC iron-on considered with the same paternal irony as Boy Scout camp and trumpet lessons and Little League, money gone and time possibly wasted but what the hurt, this is life, and life goes on and children live happily if we're lucky and raise them well."

So I really enjoy where Swofford is going at the end there, "children live happily if we're lucky and raise them well."

I think of all the things we want to do for our children, and with our children and even those silly romp and roll classes and I wonder if we should even be doing them, but here I find some solace that what's the harm? That maybe it;s time wasted but only if you look at it that way. I think I would rather think of it as cherished time, all of it, even the bad.

Coop is sitting up. All the time, for 45 minutes at a time. He won't fall over, instead he cries if he wants to lay down or change positions. And I am so proud and happy of this inevitable feat. I feel like my child is special and of course he is to me and all the people who love him, but really what is he doing that most other humans aren't capable of? In a few weeks he will be sitting up and it won't surpsise me and I will think nothing of it, but for now I think it is incredible. Reminiscent of all the smaller milestones prior and all the larger ones to come. In five more months he will be crawling and eating more foods and perhaps speaking words or even walking and sitting up will be rather small potatoes. Bailey is right behind him, just grasping the sitting up technique. And I think they are miraculous, and really they are.

And I don't want them to change and yet I want to see them conquer every obstacle before them and the two sides of me are at odds. But I know they most grow up and so I want them to succeed everywhere they turn and I want to be there behind them pushing and encouraging them. And of course I want them to be happy.

And maybe, if I am lucky...

They will be.

-june

Why Sharing is Bad

Several years ago for Christmas we received a Whirley Pop popcorn popper. At first I thought it was a little oddball gift that would never get used, but we purchased several yummy glazes that made the popcorn rather scrumptous. Whenever we have people over for games or brothers in from Arizona, we make the yummy popcorn, the Strawberry being a big hit with my sister-in-law as well as myself. This past week we used the last of the Strawberry (which supposedly made 48 quarts of popcorn before it was empty {if used accordingly}) while our family was in town thinking I could just replace the Strawberry glaze at Target at my earliest convenience, or my brother or sisters earliest convenience. After three trips to Target made by each of my parents children (thank you Erin and Ricky), one trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond and a lengthy search on the ole internet I am faced with these realities:

Back to Basics no longer makes Strawberry Glaze for popcorn, only Caramel (OK) and Kettle Corn (YUCK!!).

I shouldn't have made this scrumptous popcorn again for my family, even though they enjoyed it last time they were here.

I emailed the company telling them how bad a mistake they have made as I won't be buying popcorn glaze from them once every millenium (Of this I know WILL be their economic downfall I am sure) and gave them my email address in case they come across any cartons in their warehouse.

I LOVED this popcorn. I wonder if I can make my own strawberry glaze or if I can locate any on the ole e-Bay (who I despise thanks to PayPal).

-june

**UPDATE**

I got a not so friendly email from Back To Basics that said rather shortly that they have discontinued the Strawberry Glaze. Perhaps they read my blog and were offended?

Congratulations, Ricky Ticky Timbo

As you can see I am still working on a new nickname for my little brother as I just haven't really found one that has stuck. This evening, at 7 p.m., Ricky and Lucy are graduationing from high school. I can't believe that my little brother doesn't ever have to go to school anymore, or that I will never have to give him lunch money or a ride to school anymore. We're kicking him out, pronto.

I do not intend to get all sappy, but I can remember my mom being pregnant with the little booger and then coming home from school and him being asleep in a laundry basket because my dad had gone out to get a bassinet for him. They didn't want to count their chickens before they hatched and that same mentality was present in me for the first few months of my pregnancy last year before I went buck wild buying everything baby in sight. I remember begging to have him sleep in my room so my parents set his bassinet up in my room so that I could be awoken in the middle of the night when he was crying, back then I didn't mind it, I still don't mind it (much). I wrote my first poem for him, which was later published in a young author's compilation. My first and last successful attempt at poetry.

I remember the terrible bowl cut I gave him when he was three, I may have been the first one ever to cut his hair. I remember persuading him to buy with his birthday money things I would like to play with.

I remember being really sad when he left with my mother, he was just getting fun and then they left and for the next few years we weren't very close. Over the last few years though Ward and I have tried to be a present force in his life and just the other day, when I was freaking out, he was very nice and told me, that he, my younger brother would take care of it and everything would be well. I told Ward, we've raised him pretty well.

In the fall he is going on to study for at least a semester at my alma mater, Lynchburg College and I look forward to watching him mature more and more and telling people at parties about my younger brother, you know that lad whom solved the fuel problem by designing an alternate fuel vehicle.

Until then, congratulations and here's to great things in your future, T-Y (another nickname).

My little brother, kindergarten circa 1994.

-june