What was once primary infertility has become secondary infertility in our lives as we try and add to our family. I try and soak up every minute I can with Bailey and Cooper and try to accept that we may never have any more children, some people are completely content with two, I tell myself, why can't I be? After almost six years, we did finally have a child, two in fact. I told Ward just last night that we will have more, because we are stubborn and we don't give up easily.
The way I see it, I have another 45 years to keep trying to have another baby. I mean if 70 year old women in India can have babies that has to be promising news for me, right?
In all my research and reading over the past half decade, I have read alot about getting pregnant while you're young, while time is on your side. Being 35 on you due date is considered 'advanced maternal age'. What about 70?
Earlier this week a woman in India gave birth to a daughter, the result of IVF, at the 'advanced maternal age' of 70. Earlier this year a 70 year old woman gave birth to twins, the result of IVF and a year earlier, another woman gave birth to boy/girl twins, also the result of ...IVF, at age 67. Most IVF clinics here in America, they don't even allow women into their programs if they are in their early 40's, but I guess that is mainly if the women want to use their own eggs.
In case you were wondering, there is no way that these women were using their own eggs. Women are born with all the eggs they will ever have, actually the number of eggs a woman carried peaks in utero and begins to decline almost immediately. By the time a girl reaches puberty more than half the eggs she started with are gone, and around 28 a woman's fertility and chances of becoming pregnant further lessen, even though some women have been able to get pregnant, using their own eggs, at 45, the chances become slimmer and slimmer. But 70, nope, not her eggs.
And in St. Louis, doctors have announced that they successfully transplated a full ovary from one sister to another that resulted in the birth of a baby girl early last month. So if anybody has an ovary they're not going to be using...
Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Confession of an Obsession
The twins are almost seven months old. They are harder and yet more rewarding than I ever would have imagined. This may all sound sappy and cliche, but it is true.
When we were building our house I thought daily how the house was too nice and someone coming from my background could never live in such a nice place. I kept waiting for the house to burn down or the bank to change their minds. It is pessimistic, but it's also a force field set in place years ago to shield me from disappointment. Even after we moved in I would walk around in what I can only term disbelief, that we actually lived in this house. And now, two years later, that feeling is a little gone now that the trim is scratched and the furniture worn, but I still think that this house is more than I would have ever imagined living in.
The only reason I bring all of that up is that I feel the same way about the twins. After several years of infertility, not having children became the norm. When I finally became pregnant I felt like I was in a dream state, like I should pinch myself hourly (could that explain the lack of sleep looking back?) to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I just couldn't imagine having any children, I couldn't picture it. As my belly grew (and boy did it) and they babies started to kick and squirm I became slightly more convinced that I was going to become a mother. I started wondering what the babies would look like.
The first few weeks of the twins life, I was tired and stressed but I was also in disbelief. I think that the post partum period would have been tougher if it weren't for the fact that I felt like I was in a fairytale, (as corny as it sounds) with the husband, the house and the children. What more could I ask for. I couldn't be negative, this was what I had begged and pleaded and prayed for, this was the miracle ending. I would look at them sometimes amazed that there were now people where there weren't people before. That however broken our reproductive systems were, that with a little (lot) of coercing we could make a child.
Since the twins were about six weeks old Ward and I have joked about having triplets next. Now that the twins are reaching for us and crawling, we have upped it to quads. We are only half way joking. Both of us know how much we love the twins and yet we know that where as being pregnant seems to go OK, getting pregnant is much more challenging. We know that we may never get pregnant again, or have any more children. But we would both like to and we would both be content with another set of multiples. We have even started talking about when to try (as soon as January) and what we will do for extra bedrooms if the need arises.
People on the outside probably think we are nuts. Or that we don't appreciate the two that we already have. Being nuts is probably not far off but we appreciate our children more than I will ever be able to find the words to convey. I don't feel that wanting more children suggests a lack of love of interest in the ones we already have. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, long before the trying and the tests.
I told Bailey yesterday that I couldn't believe she had been in my life for almost 7 months (I guess longer if you count the pregnancy but I meant in my arms). If only the five years of struggle had past so quickly. They can hold their bottles now but last night I decided to hold Bailey and feed her because I know that before long bottles will be gone and she will be too big for my arms.
Is it really so bad to want more children? I am not looking to be the next Duggar's or Gosselin's, but what is wrong with wanting more than two? I am very fortunate that we have twins and that my pregnancy went so well the first time but sometimes I am really frustrated with my PCOS diagnosis and annovulatory cycles. I was foolishly hoping that pregnancy and childbirth would have regulated my cycles. If it weren't so hard, there would be no questions, we would have more. But with it being so hard I have to wonder...
When we were building our house I thought daily how the house was too nice and someone coming from my background could never live in such a nice place. I kept waiting for the house to burn down or the bank to change their minds. It is pessimistic, but it's also a force field set in place years ago to shield me from disappointment. Even after we moved in I would walk around in what I can only term disbelief, that we actually lived in this house. And now, two years later, that feeling is a little gone now that the trim is scratched and the furniture worn, but I still think that this house is more than I would have ever imagined living in.
The only reason I bring all of that up is that I feel the same way about the twins. After several years of infertility, not having children became the norm. When I finally became pregnant I felt like I was in a dream state, like I should pinch myself hourly (could that explain the lack of sleep looking back?) to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I just couldn't imagine having any children, I couldn't picture it. As my belly grew (and boy did it) and they babies started to kick and squirm I became slightly more convinced that I was going to become a mother. I started wondering what the babies would look like.
The first few weeks of the twins life, I was tired and stressed but I was also in disbelief. I think that the post partum period would have been tougher if it weren't for the fact that I felt like I was in a fairytale, (as corny as it sounds) with the husband, the house and the children. What more could I ask for. I couldn't be negative, this was what I had begged and pleaded and prayed for, this was the miracle ending. I would look at them sometimes amazed that there were now people where there weren't people before. That however broken our reproductive systems were, that with a little (lot) of coercing we could make a child.
Since the twins were about six weeks old Ward and I have joked about having triplets next. Now that the twins are reaching for us and crawling, we have upped it to quads. We are only half way joking. Both of us know how much we love the twins and yet we know that where as being pregnant seems to go OK, getting pregnant is much more challenging. We know that we may never get pregnant again, or have any more children. But we would both like to and we would both be content with another set of multiples. We have even started talking about when to try (as soon as January) and what we will do for extra bedrooms if the need arises.
People on the outside probably think we are nuts. Or that we don't appreciate the two that we already have. Being nuts is probably not far off but we appreciate our children more than I will ever be able to find the words to convey. I don't feel that wanting more children suggests a lack of love of interest in the ones we already have. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, long before the trying and the tests.
I told Bailey yesterday that I couldn't believe she had been in my life for almost 7 months (I guess longer if you count the pregnancy but I meant in my arms). If only the five years of struggle had past so quickly. They can hold their bottles now but last night I decided to hold Bailey and feed her because I know that before long bottles will be gone and she will be too big for my arms.
Is it really so bad to want more children? I am not looking to be the next Duggar's or Gosselin's, but what is wrong with wanting more than two? I am very fortunate that we have twins and that my pregnancy went so well the first time but sometimes I am really frustrated with my PCOS diagnosis and annovulatory cycles. I was foolishly hoping that pregnancy and childbirth would have regulated my cycles. If it weren't so hard, there would be no questions, we would have more. But with it being so hard I have to wonder...
Monday, July 28, 2008
A Very Happy Birthday To You
This post is mainly for myself. Most people outside the realm of infertility will probably find this information unimportant or even boring. And that is fine.
On Friday July 25th, Louise Joy Brown turned 30. Do you know who she is or why she is known to anyone outside of England? She was the first baby ever born as a result of In Vitro Fertilisation, the very procedure that lead to the birth of Bailey and Cooper. She also, has a sister, Natalie, also born through IVF and the first person conceived via IVF to go on and get pregnant naturally.
In 1977, when Louise was conceived, treatment for infertilty was just really beginning to be addressed. Since that first successful IVF cycle there have been more than 3 million babies born worldwide. That means 3 million successful attempts, with a success rate of about 25% depending on the clinic and the various reasons for the infertility (I myself had two unsuccessful bouts before falling pregnant with the twins) that would translate to possibly as many as 12 million IVF cycles. Maybe more considering that in the beginning the odds weren't even 25%.
So anyways, Happy Belated Birthday Louise, I think it's pretty cool that you're alive.
I don't think it is that big a deal that our children were conceived in this fashion (especially with our Abstinence Forever plan that we are going to teach the twins). The doctors didn't alter them, didn't single them out or do any genetic testing on them. They just helped two people who wanted to be parents achieve their dream.
So in addition to Ms. Brown, here's to the Anniversary of IVF.
On Friday July 25th, Louise Joy Brown turned 30. Do you know who she is or why she is known to anyone outside of England? She was the first baby ever born as a result of In Vitro Fertilisation, the very procedure that lead to the birth of Bailey and Cooper. She also, has a sister, Natalie, also born through IVF and the first person conceived via IVF to go on and get pregnant naturally.
In 1977, when Louise was conceived, treatment for infertilty was just really beginning to be addressed. Since that first successful IVF cycle there have been more than 3 million babies born worldwide. That means 3 million successful attempts, with a success rate of about 25% depending on the clinic and the various reasons for the infertility (I myself had two unsuccessful bouts before falling pregnant with the twins) that would translate to possibly as many as 12 million IVF cycles. Maybe more considering that in the beginning the odds weren't even 25%.
So anyways, Happy Belated Birthday Louise, I think it's pretty cool that you're alive.
I don't think it is that big a deal that our children were conceived in this fashion (especially with our Abstinence Forever plan that we are going to teach the twins). The doctors didn't alter them, didn't single them out or do any genetic testing on them. They just helped two people who wanted to be parents achieve their dream.
So in addition to Ms. Brown, here's to the Anniversary of IVF.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Maybe? Baby?
A year ago today our suspicions were confirmed, our hopes verified, and our worries just beginning.
I awoke at 3 am on May 9, 2007 in pain, nervous and unable to return to slumber. I watched Scrubs on DVD and tried to keep my mind off of my 8 am test. The test we had been waiting weeks for, anxious for results. But at 3 am I wanted the time to go by slowly. Because at 8 am it could all be over, for good.
At 6 am Ward gave me my shot on the side that was less bruised and brought me my routine breakfast of oatmeal, toast and Pomegranate juice. He filled the cooler for the day. He told me he loved me.
I got up and showered. Maybe I would take a really hot bath later. I dressed in something other than pajamas. I walked downstairs slowly. Having not been on stairs for two weeks the motion seemed awkward and uncomfortable. I drove into the city.
I made it to the office right at 8 am. The nurse took my blood. I'll work my mojo on it, she said. It was nice of her to offer, I had no mojo of my own to offer.
They'll call you later. Call Ward instead, I said.
I came straight home. I had been saving a test for home use but I decided against it. I wanted to hold on to the thought that I might be at long as I could. Ward called. Asked how I was, told me he loved me. We will be alright, he said. If my voice wasn't on the verge of cracking I would have replied.
I ate my lunch early. Maybe I would go on a diet. I called my step father and wished him a happy birthday. I called my sister to chat. She didn't know my test was that day. No one did. My brother-in-law called to ask me about a song.
I tried to take a nap. I couldn't fall asleep. I couldn't stop thinking about it for even a moment.
Ward called. 1:15. My brother called. They're having another girl. They just found out. The nurse she called too. What would be a good number?
Anything over 60.
I sit up from my lying down position. I lean over the bed. I feel dizzy and nervous. It could all end here.
What about 640? We're pregnant.
I break down. I am relieved and happy. Ward tells me that he loves me and I must stop crying. There is nothing to cry about.
But I can't seem to help it. It's virtually sobbing. You're going to make me cry. Stop, june. I'm at work.
I have to call the pharmacy for progesterone refills and the nurse to schedule a follow up test. The lady who takes my refill congratulates me on my pregnancy. She is the first. I feel giddy. Like a middle schooler up late drinking soda pop.
I call the nurse. She says they usually see numbers in the 100-200s. It's still time to be cautious. I don't let her take anything away from me, but I am a little nervous.
Ward comes home and hugs me for what seems like forever. I ask if we can go by my sisters house. He agrees.
I call and tell her that we have to go and look at light fixtures even though I am supposed to be in bed. I want to come and see my 3 week old nephew whom I haven't seen since he was a few days old. She doesn't seem to catch me in this little white lie and besides I do want to see the X-man.
We stop in and I hold my nephew. I lied. We don't have to look at fixtures.
A pregnant pause.
We're pregnant.
She hugs me and we both begin to cry. The relief in her eyes matches the way my body feels.
We head home. We eat and watch a movie. I go to sleep with a happiness I haven't know for a while, maybe ever. I sleep through the night for the first time in weeks and the last time since.
-june
I awoke at 3 am on May 9, 2007 in pain, nervous and unable to return to slumber. I watched Scrubs on DVD and tried to keep my mind off of my 8 am test. The test we had been waiting weeks for, anxious for results. But at 3 am I wanted the time to go by slowly. Because at 8 am it could all be over, for good.
At 6 am Ward gave me my shot on the side that was less bruised and brought me my routine breakfast of oatmeal, toast and Pomegranate juice. He filled the cooler for the day. He told me he loved me.
I got up and showered. Maybe I would take a really hot bath later. I dressed in something other than pajamas. I walked downstairs slowly. Having not been on stairs for two weeks the motion seemed awkward and uncomfortable. I drove into the city.
I made it to the office right at 8 am. The nurse took my blood. I'll work my mojo on it, she said. It was nice of her to offer, I had no mojo of my own to offer.
They'll call you later. Call Ward instead, I said.
I came straight home. I had been saving a test for home use but I decided against it. I wanted to hold on to the thought that I might be at long as I could. Ward called. Asked how I was, told me he loved me. We will be alright, he said. If my voice wasn't on the verge of cracking I would have replied.
I ate my lunch early. Maybe I would go on a diet. I called my step father and wished him a happy birthday. I called my sister to chat. She didn't know my test was that day. No one did. My brother-in-law called to ask me about a song.
I tried to take a nap. I couldn't fall asleep. I couldn't stop thinking about it for even a moment.
Ward called. 1:15. My brother called. They're having another girl. They just found out. The nurse she called too. What would be a good number?
Anything over 60.
I sit up from my lying down position. I lean over the bed. I feel dizzy and nervous. It could all end here.
What about 640? We're pregnant.
I break down. I am relieved and happy. Ward tells me that he loves me and I must stop crying. There is nothing to cry about.
But I can't seem to help it. It's virtually sobbing. You're going to make me cry. Stop, june. I'm at work.
I have to call the pharmacy for progesterone refills and the nurse to schedule a follow up test. The lady who takes my refill congratulates me on my pregnancy. She is the first. I feel giddy. Like a middle schooler up late drinking soda pop.
I call the nurse. She says they usually see numbers in the 100-200s. It's still time to be cautious. I don't let her take anything away from me, but I am a little nervous.
Ward comes home and hugs me for what seems like forever. I ask if we can go by my sisters house. He agrees.
I call and tell her that we have to go and look at light fixtures even though I am supposed to be in bed. I want to come and see my 3 week old nephew whom I haven't seen since he was a few days old. She doesn't seem to catch me in this little white lie and besides I do want to see the X-man.
We stop in and I hold my nephew. I lied. We don't have to look at fixtures.
A pregnant pause.
We're pregnant.
She hugs me and we both begin to cry. The relief in her eyes matches the way my body feels.
We head home. We eat and watch a movie. I go to sleep with a happiness I haven't know for a while, maybe ever. I sleep through the night for the first time in weeks and the last time since.
-june
Thursday, May 1, 2008
I Just Didn't Want It Badly Enough I Suppose
OK, OK. I realize that most of you aren't going to care a bit for this post but I think it is rather funny. But then again I find the human reproductive system pretty funny.
Anyways. I... Read... People Magazine.
I know, I know. I am losing cool points by the bucket load this week. But a few weeks ago I got the issue with J Lo on the cover with her twins. I must admit I was intrigued, so I started reading the article and I was insulted and a little enraged about what she said about her FINALLY getting pregnant so I stopped reading the article and have resided to thinking less and less of her, which isn't good because I never really like her. But then this morning I found this letter someone 'wrote' to her. And I have to say. My sentiments exactly!
So read this. Or don't.
And if you are a huge J Lo fan, I apologize. Doubly. Once because you are and twice because this makes fun of her.
Maybe you have to suffer infertility to truly appreciate this.
-june
I have been wondering how much she got from People for those 'Exclusive' photos?
Anyways. I... Read... People Magazine.
I know, I know. I am losing cool points by the bucket load this week. But a few weeks ago I got the issue with J Lo on the cover with her twins. I must admit I was intrigued, so I started reading the article and I was insulted and a little enraged about what she said about her FINALLY getting pregnant so I stopped reading the article and have resided to thinking less and less of her, which isn't good because I never really like her. But then this morning I found this letter someone 'wrote' to her. And I have to say. My sentiments exactly!
So read this. Or don't.
And if you are a huge J Lo fan, I apologize. Doubly. Once because you are and twice because this makes fun of her.
Maybe you have to suffer infertility to truly appreciate this.
-june
I have been wondering how much she got from People for those 'Exclusive' photos?
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