Same As It Ever Was

Hello Again

2011-06-24T15:49:00.004-04:00

I have thought quite a bit over the past months about what to do with this blog. Delete it in its entirety? Just leave it be? Actually try posting or updating? Sort of stuck in limbo I just pushed it from my mind, which has been all too easy.

And then I started having that old desire again. The desire, that is, to write. I picked back up the old journals for a while but lately I just feel the desire to blog again. I have thought about starting a new blog, mainly because this blog's identity seems to be so confused, but then I decided that is exactly what I am, confused. So here we go again. Can't promise for how long, but at least for today here I am.

There is no way to sum up the past 9 or 10 months in a single blog post so I will be as brief as possible. I continue to run. Actually my running changed last October and that is pretty much when I let the blog go. As I have mentioned before I am very single minded and one idea obsessed and so my life became taking care of my family and running. And that was about all. I ran races almost every weekend from 5ks to halfs, and upped my training even further, focusing on injury prevention and distance running. On New Year's Eve I signed up for a 10k, a marathon and a 50k. I made 2011 goals and started waking at 5 am to run long runs with a group of runners I had managed to meet at local races. At this point there is so much to say and I will not attempt it in this blog. But I ran, and I ran and I ran. I got faster and faster. However, something happened, a miraculous thing completely unexpected and at the moment I am lucky to run 10 miles a week. But I am still a runner and I am still running. So far this year I've run 12 races, among them 5ks, 10ks, half marathons, 25ks and a 50k. I am planning more running and racing for the year but am also excited about the prospect of running for the next 39 years. Even if I am never as fast as the likes of Deena Kastor or Kara Goucher I will still strive to be the best that I can be because I realized earlier this year that I was born for this.

Our children are growing. The twins are so big I can't even believe it myself sometimes and I see the transition every day no matter how subtle it is. They are an active bunch but that mostly means they a fun bunch. I never thought it would be this hard, this trying. I want to (and do) scream a lot. But I want to be with them, spend time with them. I know how lucky I am that I get to stay home with them, lucky that Todd and I both find that a priority. Sean is almost two which seems impossible. He is a mover but not a talker. Everything is "ah, huh, eh, nuh" with him. He has me nervous that he is behind developmentally but I took him to the pediatrician and he wouldn't stop saying 'car' and pointing at everything in the office throughout the evaluation so the doctor wasn't a bit concerned. So I decided to look into early intervention on my own and he chose that day to finally say 'more', 'shoes', and 'pool'. So I've decided for now that he's just decided that his place in the family will be the quiet one. If only the twins weren't capable of singing "American Pie" all the way through I might be able to leave his speech delays alone but I still fret over why he seems so far behind them.

Earlier this year we decided to sell our house. We didn't want to but work was slow and it seemed like the best option. Now we are not selling the house. Work is still slow but we sold our big SUV and refinanced and are cutting out every like extra we can afford to live without and are holding at the moment. We've had a couple things fall into place for us this year and though it's been a tough year it's not been a bad one if that makes sense.

I don't know when I'll find the time to write. Cooper has decided naps are for girls and two-year-olds but not three year old boys, it just so happens we had a long pool day after a busy night running 100ms with them at the track until 9 pm last night so he is for once sleeping during daytime hours. But it I should ever stop this way again, I'll try and write a post or two.

I've gone and really done it this time.

2010-09-28T23:25:00.003-04:00

Today I uttered four terrible words.

OK, today I uttered at least four terrible words. Maybe as many as 25 but no fewer than four.

Four words I had told myself I would never ever say. Just bad parenting, I told myself.

That'll never be me.

I'm too high and mighty to say such foolish, pointless, terrible things.

And then, just like that, the four words were out of my mouth and in the air before I even realized what I was saying.

I will admit, I was distracted. These size sixes needed to be boxed up. Do we have any other 12-18 months pajamas? You know the sort of distractions.

But still, it's no excuse.

I was frustrated. Everything, everywhere was a mess. I just wanted some order. Someone, anyone to listen to me.

I was on the warpath see. There was no control to be had. But boy did I want some.

Those four words, they didn't give me any comfort, control or peace.

I didn't even know they were in my vocabulary. But apparently they were on the tip of my tongue, just begging to be let free.

It can't be that bad, you're wondering, what four words could it possibly be.

I'll tell you, but please don't judge to harshly.

"Because I said so."

I know, it's all downhill from here.

Virginia 10 Miler

2010-09-28T09:35:00.001-04:00

This past Saturday Todd, Erin and I all ran the Genworth Virginia Ten Miler in Lynchburg. The Ten Miler is Lynchburg's biggest race and has grown in the past few years, the race saw over 2700 participants between it's three races; the Amazing Mile (an all children event held downtown the evening before) the 4 miler (which boasted a "walking" section this year) and the 10 miler. Saturday morning's start was a cool one that turned warm before any of us crossed the finish line (except for Benson Cherulyst who crossed the finish line in 49:23). It was Todd's second 10 miler (he ran a 1:36:07 last year when he ran his first ever road race). It was my first 10 miler (I ran the 4 miler portion last year in 45:45, also my first ever road race). It was Erin's first 10 miler as well, she wasn't even running last year when the 10 miler event occurred.

This race was actually my "anniversary" race. I ran my first mile since high school last year during the first mile of the 4 miler section. I quickly turned to walking with some occasional jogging after that first mile but it was that event that started it all for me. Ever since the 4 miler last year I have been immersed in running, training and racing. I have seen huge improvements over the past twelve months (from that 11:11 pace at last years 4 miler I have seen race paces as good as 7:39). Because of the meaning this race has for me I really wanted to run it and run it well. That is why I joined a 10 miler training group at the end of July and that it why, when three weeks ago, my knee started to hurt that I was stricken with fear and worry. The knee pain got so bad that I have only run a handful of short runs in the two weeks leading up to the 10 miler. The few days before I was unsure whether I would be running at all.

But I'm strong (read that 'stubborn') and I showed up on race day, downed 4 ibuprofen and joined the ranks crammed in elbow to elbow at the start line. The first mile was fine, it is mostly downhill (the race is the 10 miles off continuos uphill and downhill) and I kept a steady if not fast pace. Then at 1.16 the knee started up, then at 1.5 the other knee started to complain. By two miles both knees were hurting and I was seriously contemplating walking. I was crying in my head and thinking only about my knees. Finally, I told myself to change to positive thoughts or drop out of the race. I knew that negative talk, even if only to myself, was going to make the next 8 miles even more difficult than my knees were already making it. I tried to speed up but the knees and the friction caused by my IT bands were making it rather impossible. Feeling like my training may have all been in vain I pushed on. I told myself if I got to the five mile mark in 40 minutes I could walk. I didn't. It was 41:33. I continued to run through the park and decided to look for my sister, once I found her coming in the other direction I would allow myself a walk. I passed her coming into my sixth mile. I decided to keep pushing a little further and thus started counting runners running the opposite direction (the 10 miler is a loop and these people were behind me as I ran back to the start/finish line). At reaching 7 miles at 1 hour I told myself to keep running. Having already beaten my knees up for an hour I figured another half hour of running couldn't do that much more harm. At 7.5 miles I had an especially bad bout with my right knee that had me wincing in pain and doing a funny shuffle run. I again contemplated walking, but fought through again. Up ahead, at 8 miles, was the famous "Farm Basket Hill" 1.5 miles of all uphill taking you into the home stretch. Having run that hill at least half a dozen times in training I wanted to show off my ability on the hill, make my training count for something. I braced myself and headed uphill into the direct sunlight and towards my reward, the finish line. I did the hill well, but not great. I did pass a few people coming up the hill but try as I might I couldn't break 8 minutes on the hill. It was as bumming as my knee pain was. Finally, after what felt like far more than 10 miles, I saw the finish banner and line up ahead. Unlike the VA Beach Half I was able to kick it up, having grown used to running on my painful knees, I sprinted in like I am accustom to, and heard the announcers recognize my effort to cross which made the moment, if only a little bit, all the more rewarding.

I finished the 10 miler running. I didn't meet my goals of sub 80 or even of a 82. But I ran on knees that begged nothing more than me to walk making this by far my hardest race ever. From this point I am focusing on recovery. I start back running today with a 2 mile run and will work up from there, but this time I am going to listen to my knees. They were so angry they made it tough to walk around for most of the weekend.

My overall results:

1:24:54 (8:29 pace)

337 overall

14th in age division

My Beautiful Boy

2010-09-20T22:29:00.004-04:00

Being Vegetarians we have had a whole slew of questions thrust upon us over the years pertaining to how we would raise our children, beginning long before conception and as recently as last week people have asked how will you react if your children choose not to be vegetarians like you when they grow up? Thanks to this line of questioning occurring over and over again I have had the chance to contemplate this scenario ad nauseum. I have, what I think, is a rather rational approach to this dilemma. One that seems like the level headed response that shall be borne from necessity should your child ever choose to snub your belief system. I feel ready and willing to cross that bridge should we ever come to it, and I think that with love and understanding Thanksgiving will still come to pass around here regardless of who has turkey and who does not.

What no one ever brought up and what caught me completely off guard, leaving me wishing someone had asked me how I would handle the situation, was allergies. As I've mentioned before our youngest child is allergic to egg whites, milk and soy. Leaving him, due to our ovo-lacto vegetarain lifestyle, a vegan.

Having never given the vegan lifestyle more than a passing thought I have never realized just how restricting and difficult a diet it truly is. Some things are obviously on the restricted list; scrambled eggs, french toast, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes. Some things it takes a second thought or glance to know they're not ok for someone who is a vegan or has a slew of allergies; any oatmeal of the 'cream' variety as well as those deluxe varieties, dinner rolls, cinnamon rolls, Zataran's Yellow Rice (a favorite of mine), 'mock' meat, you get the idea. But even being very diligent there are still times when his face breaks out or he gets a bad diaper rash because I wasn't reading labels carefully enough. Lance Peanut Butter crackers are okay for him (we know from the allergy test he's not allergic to peanut butter or tree nuts) but another brand names Peanut Butter crackers has milk in them and I didn't think to check because the Lance ones are okay. Gerber Veggie Sticks have milk in them leading me to have to give him a dose of benedryl after snack time last Friday. Some sandwhich breads are not okay. All Quaker granola bars have either milk or soy in them. Most cookies and crackers are on the banned list due to other genetically modified foods that are derived from milk, eggs or soy.

It isn't easy or fun yet it's manageable with a little diligence however, the worse part for me is Sean. He is such a laid back, happy, loving baby. He seldom cries and has been our cuddle bug from the start. He rubs my nose with his before a wide mouthed kiss. He's small and quiet, sometimes he gets a little overlooked he's so easy going. And he doesn't know yet that he can't eat moms macaroni and cheese so she hasn't made it in four months. And he doesn't know that he's missing out when we have Chocolate Cream Pie, not yet anyways, but it's already breaking my heart.

I know a food allergy is not really a big deal. He could be a sick child. There could be so many worse things that I won't even begin to travel that line of thought. I know that there are other foods for him to eat, but I find myself thinking at least once a day, please be one of the 85% who outgrow these allergies.

His size doesn't make this predicament we find ourselves in any easier, a child who was born in the 50-75th percentile now finds himself in the -3 percentile. I feel as though I am constantly on the hunt for nutritious and fulfilling things for him to eat. The child has fallen out of love with pureed foods and has never shown much fondness for fruits or green vegetables. I am always worrying if he's gaining enough weight and counting up his grams of protein for the day. Rest assured is no longer in my vocabulary.

He will outgrow these allergies or he will not. We will either way, live through it. If he can never eat real cheese or eggs we will find ways around it. But it certainly will take some getting used to. I keep thinking if I was strong enough or a really good mom, I too would go vegan. Unfortunately, I'm much better at sympathizing than changing.

I do however, choose Jif. I'm hoping that counts for something.

Another Terrible Movie...

2010-09-18T09:33:00.002-04:00

or just awful parenting advice?

I mean with lessons like "Never look in your rearview mirror, it makes no difference what's behind you" when your son is in the driver seat you really should be worried about something other than finding Mr. Right.

Sadly I am quickly losing my interest in cinema.

The Worst Movie Ever?

2010-09-18T09:27:00.003-04:00

I mean when your tag line is "But sometimes you just need to sleep with a 25 year old", how great could your movie really be?

I'm guessing not all that good, so I won't even add it to my Netflix Queue.

Sometimes I get so worried about the human race that I can't even sleep at night.

Two minute post.

2010-09-14T07:55:00.004-04:00

I don't have a lot of extra time these days so I thought I would just jot down the thoughts I was having before I get carried away by two year old traumas and crumbs from breakfast.

I have been drinking a lot of coffee lately. I have grown to like it over the years but this year I have found I actually need it in the mornings. Last night I had three large cups at book group however and feel as though I got absolutely no sleep as a result. Note to self: Decaf after 7 p.m.

Speaking of coffee and two year olds, coffee table books are certainly a thing of the past. I got a wonderful book for my birthday that would fall ideally in the coffee table variety. However, the coffee table is not safe these days for coffee, books or photo albums. The coffee table isn't even safe completely cleared off. Toddlers think coffee tables are the perfect height for climbing. Perhaps you already knew that. I did not. Lesson learned.

I never got leg cramps before my pregnancy with Bailey and Cooper. Now however, I get them as often as once a week. This morning I was awoken at 6 a.m. with a rather nasty cramp that is now making it painful to even walk across the room. Between my knees, my ankle and my leg cramps I'll be lucky to walk today yet alone run. I am really starting to feel old.

I got a new c.d. for my birthday. I left it on repeat yesterday so that I couldn't hear my knees cracking as I walked around. I am really digging it, especially this song.

A group of teenager who were at our house for dinner this past weekend made it rather clear that my choice of bands at the moment and the ratio of banjos in said bands make me pretty uncool. I guess it's not just a feeling, I am getting old.

Wait, I've always loved banjos. I have always been uncool is all.

Whew, that was close.

Tell Me Do You Miss Me?

2010-09-13T09:28:00.003-04:00

I figured you guys were probably missing me. And when I mean 'you guys' I mean those of you whose comments are abundant and yet whose language I cannot even begin to decipher. So after an almost two month hiatus-here I am.

Things are well here. And not so well. And it's beautiful. And frustrating. And I believe that is the way it is supposed to be, don't you?

For every failure we seem to have success. This morning I made Cinnamon Rolls from scratch. Complete and utter failure. Twelve rolls, into the trash, almost in their entirety with the exception of the two bites Bailey and I truly tried to swallow. But this past Saturday, I made one of my 2010 Goals a reality. And had one of those truly blissful evenings with the family. I managed a 23:48 on a 5k, and not just any 5k. A particularly difficult 5k with rolling hills and two nasty uphills that had several folks ahead of me walking. And yet I beat my PR by 1:15 and took 1st in my age division. All this with a nagging Illiotibial band issue that just won't let up.

Three weeks ago I also ran my second half marathon (the first in August), knocking another goal of my to do list for 2010. Both of my times were acceptable but I am rather proud of my finish at the Virginia Beach Rock 'N Roll half marathon were I finished in 1:48:10, over four minutes faster than the half I ran in August, but also finishing in the top 10% overall and in the top 4% of women. These things make my running effort even more worthwhile.

The knee is still an issue. Now instead of the left one it's the right, threatening to effect my big race looming ahead, the Virginia 10 Miler, my anniversary race. What began as just another goal for 2010 escalated to goals of running it in under 90 minutes. Then I ran an 86 10 miler during the Lynchburg Half Marathon in August and then an 82 minute 10 miler during the VA Beach half. Unfortunately, the knee gave out on me at the 12.5 mile marker at VA Beach and I've been terrified ever since. Yet I have several people telling me they think I can do the 10 miler in sub 80. I don't agree. Have I mentioned the 10 miler course is just a lot of hills?

But despite the nagging knee pain I am loving running. It's crazy how something I hated to do for 25 years is giving me so much joy and fulfillment. Of course, it probably has to do with my ultra competitive nature.

Having completed two halfs this year with a possible third in October (a trail half) I have begun shopping for a full marathon for 2011 and maybe even an ultra race. And of course now that I've done the sub 24 minute 5k, can I do sub 23?

On a side note, are you looking to steer teenagers outside to get some fresh air? Or just get them to leave the room? Well apparently this song will do it. I like it (maybe because of the North Carolina references?) but it apparently drives teenagers mad. You can thank me later.

Re: Confusion over common definitions

2010-07-21T14:47:00.006-04:00

Dear Universe,

The other night when I was wishing to myself "man I wish I were hot" I appreciate that you were listening, that you wanted to help me out. But I think we may have gotten our signals crossed. I meant 'hot' in a Victoria Secret model sort of way, not in an air conditioning broke down on us in the middle of July kind of way. I understand, you may have been confused. Hot is such a vague term, and in your credit the number one definition tends to be "having or giving off heat". I should have clarified, I get that now, I should have said I was referring to the Urban dictionary definition, 'smoldering sexual appeal'. You went with the 'having a higher than desirable temperature' meaning, I see that. However, I was hoping that if we could clear it up, if we understood each other, maybe we could get to work on the hot in the Gisele Bundchen way.

Also, now that we're clear on the meaning of hot, whose responsibility is it to fix the air conditioning? I was sort of thinking since it was your bad, you could take care of fixing it, we would certainly appreciate it.

Ciao,

Alexis

5 Miler Race Recap

2010-07-20T13:44:00.006-04:00

"You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through."

-Rosalynn Carter

Last Thursday's training at the Lynchburg track had me really pumped on Friday. I was thinking of faster 5k times and completing half marathons. I didn't let Saturday morning's looming race get me down, I fought my anxiety off and laid my clothes out before going to bed. I slept a little less than six hours before jumping up and out of bed to gear up for the flat and fast race.

We managed, with the help of my wonderful brother and his girlfriend, to leave before the kids awoke. This gave us enough time to properly warm up for our five mile run. I did a good stretching session and then we jogged a mile warm-up followed by a little more stretching. My knee was hurting at a level 2 so I took several Aleve and began to worry if I would be able to run the whole five miles.

I started talking to other runners I know, with each run we meet a few new people. People with similar goals, people who've come from the same place, people who love to do what we love to do, run. I think the conversations were as good a warm up as any, hearing others fears and worries, aches and pains. We took our places at the start, as near to the front as possible, let the faster runners pass us. I placed myself behind a runner who is in my age group and a slightly faster runner than myself. My plan was to pace her as long as I could. I did after all have a lofty goal of under 42 minutes for the race.

The horn was blown. Off we went. I stuck with Todd for about 1/8 of a mile before he was gone at which point I realized I had passed the runner I was supposed to be pacing with. She then spoke up and I realized she was behind me, 7:20 pace, she warned. I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep up that pace for five miles but there was a spark of pride that I was leading my running buddy, we finished mile 1 in 7:18, a mile PR for me. Then my shoes laces came undone. I had to work my way over to the side and stop. I hate, HATE, hate having to stop to tie my shoes, but at a race, precious seconds slipping by. I tied them as quickly as possible and looked up to see my running buddy a good 100 meters ahead. I had to do a little sprinting to catch back up but I knew that I had to keep pacing her if I had any chance of placing. I caught up to her but made sure to stay behind this time. I know myself, I do better running right behind someone then right beside them.

I was feeling good despite the heat. I kept right along pacing, mile 2, 15:12. As the half way point neared I started to slow, I couldn't, like I'd feared, keep the pace. A running buddy of ours passed me and told me I was doing a good job pacing. I started to see the people ahead running back towards the finish. I started to count them. My running buddy whom I was pacing with began to get farther and farther ahead. At the half way point I was the 68th runner, the time was 19:18 at 2.5 miles. My pacing buddy, having gotten quite the lead on me, cheered my name as she ran back off of the island. For some reason this moved me so much that I picked up my pace, for me, for her, for runners everywhere. I decided to focus on my 5k time. I was starting to wear down but I was gunning for a PR, I finished 3.16 in 24:18. A new 5k PR even if it wasn't an actual 5k race. I guess my running coach was right, I can do under 25 minutes and now I don't have to wait for October to know for sure. At four miles a female runner gained on me, time 31:50. I decided I could, I must finish in under 40 minutes, I could do it. I tried to pick up the pace, I felt like collapsing. I accepted, for the first time in my racing history, water from the volunteers, I poured it on my head. So cold it gave me a start. I trudged on. I started counting trees, counting seconds, counting steps. I just wanted it over with. At 4.5 I had exactly four minutes to finish in under 40 minutes and I was loosing energy quickly. I rethought not having anything but a handful of Peanut M&M's pre-race. I rounded the turn coming off the bridge to the homestretch and there was my running coach, out to cheer on his runners. He called my name, he cheered me on, I pumped my arms. Neck and neck with the female runner pumping along beside me I had completely lost track of my running buddy/pacing buddy. With the finish line in view I saw the big time board, twenty seconds to finish in under 40. I let out my sprint, I gave it all I had crossing the finish line at the same time as a 13 year old cross country runner, 39:50. They gave the 68th place to her, the 69th to me. I didn't care. I had three new PRs, I had finished the race two minutes faster then I thought was possible for me given perfect circumstances and I had held my spot in the race until the very end not letting others gain on me even if I couldn't pass those ahead of me. I realized my knee wasn't bothering me. I realized for the first time that I was drenched in sweat. I found my husband waiting for me at the end of the shute with a cup of water in his hand for me.

I finished 24 seconds behind my pacing buddy who took the third place in our age division. I am not jealous, I am thankful, had it not been for her I would never have finished in under forty minutes. Besides, she turns thirty today, thus leaving my age group for two years before I join her in the 30-34 ranks. I went up after the race and congratulated her, she did the same to me. I love running. I love racing. I finished 59 seconds behind Todd who went out too quick and burned out, usually at a 10K he has me by about six minutes at the finish. I ran an overall 7:58 pace. My fastest overall race pace to date. My Ukrop's 10k pace was 8:14 and I went around with a smile on my face for days. Today however there is no smile. I'm too busy planning, too busy scheming, calculating pace and locating races throughout central Virginia this coming fall.

I came home and began training for next months half marathon. I took a day off in between of course. I am starting to believe in myself, in my ability to run any distance. Call me crazy, but I've even started considering running an ultra next year, a 50K race in February.

Coming up on 11 months

2010-07-15T22:54:00.003-04:00

So I want to go pro, so I did the logical thing and hired a running coach.

Ok, so I would love to go pro but know it's never going to happen and I simply cannot afford the individual love and attention of a running coach so I did the next best thing in these parts. I joined the local training group for the Virginia 10 Miler, which I plan on running here in about eleven weeks.

It wasn't cheap as free and it isn't a large group (probably because it isn't cheap as free) but tonight's first meeting has me stoked and believing that I might just be able to run the 10 miler in 90 minutes.

Last year I ran the 4 miler portion of the race. I had just had a baby not quite 5 weeks earlier but I ran the race in 45 minutes, despite the feeling that I was about to collapse it was an amazing experience. And even though we have two half marathons on the calendar before the 10 Miler I feel a true desire to do well at that race as it is my anniversary.

That's right, I ran my first mile at the VA 4 miler last year, my first mile since high school that is, and have been running miles ever since. But I'm big on anniversaries and I want to make a statement about the last year. For me, a 90 minute 10 miler would do it.

For my first group training (there are five other people) we did 4x800 and hill repeats. I've never done this sort of speed training, or hill repeats. For the amount of pain involved you would have thought I was at Disneyland. I ran with a guy who runs the trails with us on Wednesdays and who paces quite well with me on the trails. Being the ultra competitor that I am I decided to run his paceat the Lynchburg College track this evening (funny thing, both me and my running partner went to Lynchburg College, neither of us had been on the track before tonight). It was work and it was hard but I LOVED it. My times weren't half bad either: 4:06, 3:55, 3:40 and 3:23. My coach thinks I can run a sub 25 minute 5k right now. Unfortunately, we don't have another 5k on the calendar until October.

My coach is going to send me a weekly training schedule, I am to follow it and follow up with him weekly. I can run in addition to his workouts but he will formulate a plan for me that should help me attain my new goals.

The last two weeks I have run over 20 miles a week. To ultra runners that may not seem like much, but to me who hasn't run that much since pre-knee injury it feels awesome. My knee is still giving me a little trouble and I usually take Ibuprofen before runs but it is nowhere near as bad as it was in May. I need to do better however at doing my stretches before and after runs.

This weekend we have a 5 mile race. Everyone I know who has run it tells me that it's the only 'flat and fast' course to run in Lynchburg. I am nervous. I think I prefer hills to be honest. I want to see sub 42 minutes but I don't know if it's in me. I have done three five mile trails and the fastest was 48 minutes. Can I really shave off six minutes on race day?

From now until Saturday morning I am going to lay off the running and focusing on hydrating and fueling for the big day. And maybe peruse the many race calendars and schedules on line.

I would love to find a 5k to test my coach's theory out before October.

2010-06-30T16:08:00.003-04:00

What a difference a month or six weeks makes. I haven't been on to blogger for some time, and not surprisingly, the site didn't recognize me. Asked for a password and everything. As soon as I was through that hurdle (wherever did I put that list of passwords and security information anyways...), I was asked if I wanted to work with the sites new template designor? I said yes.

Note to self: Next time, say no.

Now here it is over an hour later, I don't like the new design and I have all but forgotten why I came here in the first place.

I have been seeing a physical therapist. She noted the knee and told me that she thought it was the illiotibial band without me even suggesting it. I also seemed to have a little fluid on my tendon below the knee. And my quadriceps are weak. So she's set me up with stretches and strength exercises and sent me on my way again. However, I've yet to run more than about ten or twelve miles in one week since about April. So much for my high hopes for summer training. And to top it off, it's hot as Hades around here. But I am pushing onwards and still setting my sights on a sub 25 minute 5k this year (my last two have been 25:02, I mean two seconds, really?). And of course there's that half marathon looming ahead in September.

Now that my knee is becoming less and less of a problem I had to move on to something else to worry about. Sean was there, as if on que, to give me that something else. I won't go into all the details that led to my suspicions and I will just jump to the point. I was becomingly increasingly convinced that my child was allergic to milk, especially with the introduction of more and more table foods that were resulting in more and more blotchy patches on my child's face and tummy. Yesterday we went to see an allergist and my fears were confirmed. Even more so, actually. The poor child is allergic to eggs, milk and soy.

We are and have been for sometime, vegetarians. It has never been much of a problem to supplement our diets and eat a well balanced and healthy variety of foods without any meat or seafood. However, the elimination of three more sources of protein has me a bit flustered. We are pretty much left with legumes for protein. Fortunately, all children love beans. Oh, wait...

To top it all off, I am still nursing so the elimination of eggs, milk and soy has to begin with me, immediately. We're on day 2. I've been pretty successful with eggs, but milk is in EVERYTHING! Skipping a glass of milk or two is just fine by me, I've never been a fan of plain milk, but eliminating milk means eliminitaing butter, cheese, sour cream, cream cheese, buttermilk and a whole slew of other ingredients. I've been checking my pantry and it appears everything I possess contains some soy or milk.

Several people have kindly suggested that I switch Sean to formula, namely to Alimentium or Nutrimigen. I'm just not ready to give up nursing Sean however. Not only are these hypoallergic formulas even more expensive then the stuff I was trying to avoid by breastfeeding I have committed to a year. And I am afterall, exceedingly stubborn. It's only two more months...

The allergist told us that they would refer us to a nutritionalist/dietician if we wanted. I think we probably will look into that route, just for more ideas and to confirm that we're giving him a well balanced diet with so many foods on the 'do not' list. We've also been given an even stronger steriod cream to fight the eczema that has been plagueing Sean since last fall on and off. The allergist did try and give us a silver lining, 85% of children outgrow these common allergies.

But it could be several years before he does. I have been reading online and many families eliminate these certain foods from the grocery list, however, with our diet being restricted to begin with, I don't think I will be eliminating milk and soy from Bailey and Cooper's diets. The whole family will be cutting back on eggs though, which is what Sean is most allergic to.

I feel so bad for the little bugger. He is such a sweet and happy baby and he has had such a rough and difficult time this first year. First there was the colic, then the eczema, several coughs and then surgery at six month and now this. I know he doesn't hold it against me that I've been consuming eggs and milk like crazy these past ten months but it doesn't stop me from feeling guilty, especially as I watch him scratch at the eczema and think we could have been preventing this a long time ago.

And because I carry a little bit of crazy with me wherever I'm at in life, I have already begun researching what he can have to celebrate his first birthday. Other than bloodwork to see how the allergies are progressing that is.

Stubborn, Not Stupid

2010-05-17T11:16:00.005-04:00

So I took a few days off other than an easy run on the treadmill like I mentioned in my last post. I thought I knew better than everyone else offering me advice and I decided that because my knee wasn't currently causing me any pain that I would go out for the Candler's Mountain Wild Wednesday Trail Run last Wednesday. I even decided to go on the longer of the two designated runs.

For the first two miles I was fine. No pain at all. I wasn't running particularly fast but I was passing runners who normally beat me at races by a long-shot going up the hills. I was enjoying myself immensely. And then somewhere around 3 miles the knee started up. It wasn't too bad so I kept going. I walked a little but I was on trails I was completely unfamiliar with so I didn't want to get too far behind the other runners. I talked with a few other runners I caught up with about my knee. Each of them had similar stories to share with me. It seems if you run you will ultimately endure a knee injury of some kind. Each of them told me the same thing, stay off of it until it heals. No one could tell me how long that will be.

By five miles my husband reappeared having long since finished the run. When he saw that my knee was bothering me he understandably shouted at me to stop running and berated my poor judgement for the rest of the run for which I was almost in tears for all of it because I was concerned, embarrassed and wanted nothing more than to run.

At the end of the run I talked with a few of the runners who had told me they had suffered knee pain or more specifically iliotibial band pain. They recommended a visit to a physical therapist and rest. Maybe some ice, but definitely rest.

I have not run at all since Wednesday. I called a physical therapist first thing Thursday morning but I can't get in for three weeks. I iced the knee several times, ordered a Pro-tec Iliotibial Band on Amazon and am working on an addiction to ibuprofen. I vowed to take several days off, though I haven't decided exactly how many, I am going to let my knee decide when it is ready. Then I am going to start especially slow and with distances of about 2-3 miles. Having taken the last five days off my knee is feeling fine but I don't want to rush it. I also have been going to the gym (3 times last week) to work on strengthening my hips and leg muscles. For the past eight months I have focused almost solely on running and cycling. Stretching and strengthening have not really been a focus of my training. I am now beginning to think that my training was suffering because it wasn't really fully rounded. I have also been paying more attention to my protein intake.

I believe this is my running trying to teach me something else about my life and my body. I am trying to listen. Really. I haven't registered for any of the three races coming up at the end of the month though I would be lying if I said I was content not running them. The one I want to run the most is a trail run two days after my physical therapy appointment. I am going to see how the knee is feeling and what the PT says before I make any decisions on that race.

I charted my running for the year last night and found that my running during April had been for long distances but had been fairly sporadic due to illness and other factors. Then in May when I tried to return to a normal routine and reach 15-20 weekly miles I injured myself. Overuse? Increasing distance too fast? Overpronation? I'm not sure what exactly caused the injury but I know that above all else I want to still be running in six months, in six years, heck maybe in sixty years, so I have to be more level headed.

I am not running this weeks Wild Wednesday Trail Run. I am going to sit at home, ice my knee and pout while Todd does.

The good, the bad and the stubborn

2010-05-11T14:35:00.002-04:00

Two weeks ago I ran a 10k trail race. It was difficult, hilly, landscaped with large rocks and roots. I started slow but picked up quite a bit of time on a steep downhill at around mile two. It was almost like flying. I struggled up one hill and then another, jogging at an abysmal pace as I passed walkers who would only pass me once they too reached the top of the hill. I ultimately walked one hill only to feel like the largest failure. I berated myself for the next half mile until a cramp just under my chest had me wondering whether or not I could finish the race. And then I found myself approaching mile five and I found my second wind. I picked up the pace and finished out with my normal sprint at 1:02:09. I didn't feel particularly good or fast but somehow came in second in my age division, bringing home a nice medal with a bald eagle on it.

Two days later I managed a nice tempo run of four miles. I wanted more. I have three races within eight days of each other at the end of the month. I needed more miles, more training, more speed and confidence. We went out the next night for another tempo run.

I don't know if it was the veggie hot dogs or the heat but I almost immediately took to a cramp in my chest not unlike the one at the trail race. I hoped it would pass so instead of slowing down I continued to try and pace with Todd who was after all, pushing the massive Triplette holding our three children. At three miles the cramp was only worse. Then at just over three and a half miles, I had my first ever knee pain. At four miles I was grimacing and contemplating tears with my family long gone ahead of me.

Todd came back and asked if I was OK. I managed a no and told him about the pains in my side and my knee. Well stop running you fool. I did and took over the Triplette responsibility so that he could get a decent run in. My side eased up by mile five and we were approaching the tunnel that rains down whether we've had rain all week or not so I thought I would try and jog through the tunnel pushing the more than one hundred pound stroller. Bad. Idea. Immediately my knee hurt worse than before and I knew to stop. I pushed the stroller another mile before Todd once again took over. I cursed the seven mile loop and the distance left to make it to the car. I was embarrassed that I was walking. I was frustrated that after so many warnings about knee pain that it had finally happened to little old invincible me.

I would have cried had I not already sweat out all the fluids in my body. We iced the knee and later wrapped the knee in ace bandages. I hoped the next morning would find me well rested and good as new. The next day I could barely do stairs. I took a few Advil and continued on worrying only a few dozen times whether my knee injury was serious.

I listened to Todd and rested. I took two full days off of any exercise. Then on Friday I thought I would try again to go for a run. I would take it easy, listen to my body and bring along a knee brace. The first mile went fine. And then the second. I started to get cocky and thought about pushing through to six miles when the pain came back. Then another female runner passed me. I never let other female runners pass me on the course without a fight. Unfortunately, there was no fight in me, only pain.

I stopped, I put on my brace and tried again to run. I could go about 200 yards before the pain was too much to keep going. I would walk and the pain would go away. So I would try again to run only to have the pain come back a little worse each time. Again, I really wanted to cry. Or kick something. Or scream. Instead I started to sulk and turned around.

I pledged to take the next several days off from training. Four days off from training gave me ample time to search the internet for a diagnosis. It was easy to come by. It is more than likely that I have an Iliotibial Band injury. I know it's a self-diagnosis on the Internet but it sounds exactly like the pain I am having. Especially since the only other pain I have had as a runner has been in my hips. I spent several hours yesterday reading up on the iliotibial band and exercises to strengthen it alternated with time spent worrying about whether or not my training will be further postponed.

But I am pretty damned stubborn. So I iced my knee for a while before bed last night. Then I stretched this morning doing several of the stretches I read about on the Internet. Then I loaded up the car with my beautiful children, took 600 mg of Ibuprofen and headed to the gym. I did several reps on a few machines focusing on the part of my body I believe to be weak. Then I stretched some more and headed to a treadmill. I really wanted to do a mile, play it safe, see how my knee felt. I wanted to focus on my pronation (I was just recently told I overpronate), as well as my overall form.

I began my mile on the treadmill, walking three minutes, running three minutes. No pain. Only a little stiffness. I upped it to six minutes running, two minutes walking. Then I decided to run two miles. I followed through with eleven minutes of running and decided to go for three miles, then four. I even got to a sub 7:30 pace, which on the treadmill is pretty good for me. At 3.8 miles my knee started to give me just the slightest twinges. I'm not that thick headed so I decided to cool down. I don't want to end my training, I told myself. Three races in eight days three weeks from now.

I did some more stretching and a few more reps on the hip abductor machine. I came home and iced the knee some more.

So far it isn't giving me any trouble. I am so thankful. I realized this past week that it has officially occurred. I am indeed addicted to running. I have been really distraught all week that I couldn't run. Both my husband and his brother told me I might have to take a few weeks off. I know it may sound irrational but I don't have a few weeks to take off. I have PR's to set and new distances to cover. I have already been slowed down by weeks of blistering cold weather, then by a terrible sickness. As I see it in my stubborn little head I really can't afford an injury. Especially one that may take visits to a physical therapist.

I am going to continue to ice the knee, take the ibuprofen and work on stretching and strengthening the hip abductor muscles. I am also going to make wishes in penny fountains and see to it that Bailey and Cooper jump cracks in concrete. And of course pray that I don't have to take a month to six weeks off of training for a bum knee.

The down side.

2010-04-28T15:41:00.005-04:00

The first year of the twins life I sat around blogging, watching You Tube videos and eating frozen burritos. Naturally, I gained 25lbs on top of the 20lbs I should have lost before getting pregnant with the twins. I was just thinking of losing the weight when I luckily got pregnant (and I mean luckily). When I was in my second trimester I decided after seeing some very poor shots of my pregnant self, to cut back from four slices of toast for breakfast to only two. In my ninth month, I took up walking two to three days a week in the hopes of bringing Sean on naturally.

I spent a lot of my pregnancy with Sean contemplating weight loss, exercise and my love of food. I want to eat, drink and be merry. Unfortunately, all the weight gain was causing me to be less than merry. However, I was ready and seemingly more determined after Sean's arrival. I set many weight loss goals for myself and hoped that my small 5' 2" frame would one day see the 120s on the scale again.

It took several long months, a lot of running and even less bread, but I took the weight off. I even took off more weight than I had planned. My clothes started to get truly baggy and everyone was commenting on my weight loss. It made me feel good, at first.

Then I upped my running goals and threw in a half marathon to the list of races to tackle this year. I finally managed a few 20 plus running weeks and I lost a few more pounds. I am happy with my new body, for the first time in well maybe forever I am happy with this strong body that can run 13 miles and bear three children. I'm proud of this body (OK, maybe not the stomach but everything else, really).

However, lately more and more people have been making jokes or other unnecessary comments about my weight. (Several people apparently think the "be careful, soon we won't be able to see you when you turn sideways" comment is funny. It isn't.) I have been told I look 'gaunt'. I have been told that I have lost weight when I haven't lost any weight. It was starting to get annoying.

Then I went and got the worst case of strep throat I have ever even heard about. My throat swelled so badly I couldn't eat or drink. I went to the doctor and got an antibiotic. Then my throat got worse and I couldn't even swallow my own saliva or the horse pills the doctor had prescribed. I was dehydrated and my milk was drying up. I went back to the doctor pleading on paper because I couldn't talk. They gave me several shots in my derrière and finally, six hours after the anti-inflammatory shot I was able to swallow some water. Unfortunately, being sick cost me four pounds. Four pounds I really didn't want to lose. The comments began to rush in.

So I ate. And I ate. Six powdered donuts for breakfast, a whole pizza for lunch, then another lunch two hours later of Macaroni and Cheese followed by a whole can of green beans and chocolate chip cookies. I ate around the clock, at midnight and 5 a.m. I ate all the foods that I had strayed from since having Sean because I know they are not the best foods for me. I ate and ate and yet people still made comments about my weight.

At this point, I have gained back the four pounds I lost plus one more for good measure. But I am starting to get annoyed. My BMI is in the healthy range and I am already eating somewhere around 4,000 calories a day. I've thought about it a lot this week because the comments are beginning to truly bug me. Am I supposed to feel bad for finally losing the weight? I feel as though I am eating more than I should be and eating even more of the wrong foods to try and avoid the ridicule or speculation that I'm not eating enough. My mother-in-law's boyfriend commented the other day that I have no bottom and am too thin, Todd comments that I eat enough for three people. I truly feel like screaming "leave me alone" at the top of my lungs like a moody teenager and slamming the door to my bedroom.

For the first time in my life I was managing a healthy lifestyle. Running and cycling four days a week, more whole grains and leafy vegetables, less powdered donuts and cherry coke. And I thought it was working. Now, however, I don't know how to handle my detractors. Are they really worried about my weight or are they a little jealous? A few months ago all of my friends kept telling me I must have a thyroid problem because of my weight loss. When my hormone levels came back far more normal for me than usual, I gathered a sense of disappointment from a few of them.

I'm not really sure what I'm going to do but I do know that if another person says "Go ahead, have another slice of Cheesecake, you look like you need it" I don't think I should be held responsible for what I may do.

However, if it's Heavenly Chocolate Cake I'll probably just sneer and have another helping.

Where I Stand

2010-04-26T15:09:00.003-04:00

I spent lunch time today eating things covered in powdered sugar (donuts and banana cake for the most part, but I also tried a Chocolate Chip Cookie that way, I think I may need counseling) and analyzing my 5k race times. It's the sort of thing the obsessed and deranged do. But I saw a pattern of improvement emerging.

Here are my times for the nine 5k's I've done since I began running (now almost 8 months ago can you believe it?) :

32:23

29:48

29:59

25:15

27:50

26:44

39:08

27:18

25:02

If you take away the Girl's On The Run Race that I do not believe was a real 5k (how else can you explain my 25:15 time?) and the two trail runs I did in February you see this list of numbers:

32:23

29:48

29:59

27:50

26:44

25:02

When I look at it like that, I see a marked improvement on my 5k street races over the past six months (the first was run in October). You see, I spend alot of time looking at numbers. ALOT of time, time I don't even have. I study my numbers, I study other people's numbers, I cross reference years of races in my age division and then study those numbers.

I see it now. I could never run for exercise. I just don't care enough about weight or bulge to make any change to my lifestyle on those factors alone. But call it training, sign me up for a competitive event, and you will see a whole new side of me. I knew I was a little competitive, but at times I disgust even myself.

My wonderful husband lectures me on competing with myself, beating my own personal records and striving to do the best for myself. That's wonderful. I even understand what he's saying. However, I want to compete. I want to pass the person in front of me and I want to place. I am becoming increasingly competitive actually. To the point that if I don't think I am going to run very well, or didn't get decent training in, I don't even want to run.

Two weeks ago we had a big run. I had been looking forward to it ALL YEAR LONG. I cross referenced the numbers. I got a tummyache. I worried that I hadn't trained enough. I went out two days before the race and did my first ever true speedwork out. A slow mile. 4x400's with two minutes jogging in between. I calculated splits even. When on the last 400 I maintained a pace under 7 minutes, I threw my hands up in the air like I was an Olympic Gold Medalist. It was pathetic. But I was confident. I was ready to set a new PR.

And then I got sick. Really, really sick. The kind where you lose five pounds you really didn't want to lose so you go around the whole next week eating everything you can covered in sugar. The worst thing about getting sick. I didn't get to run in that race.

Lots of people I know would have swallowed their loss and moved on. I couldn't. I can't. I am still depressed that I didn't get to run that race. There is something about racing that makes me pick up the pace, makes me work myself harder. And then there were my rivals, a couple of girls who ran cross country in high school were running it (I also study entry lists, sick I know). I was looking forward to competing with them.

I have a theory about why this running hang-up. You see when I was younger I liked to run. Actually, what I really liked to do was sprint. I thought I was fast. I thought, with training and determination, I could be even faster. I thought about joining the track team. Or trying out anyways. I shared my dreams with my father and a few friends. All of them told me I couldn't do it. They told me that I couldn't just decide in high school to pick up running, that those people already on the track team had been running for too long and I could never catch up. The one I remember the most was my dad though, he told me that I couldn't do it and that he didn't even really think I would stick to it so basically, why bother. So instead of proving him wrong, I listened to him. I couldn't be a runner I decided, it was too late for me. I started instead, to tell myself I couldn't run. I told myself that for over the next ten years.

In the past six months I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned that I have a competitive streak sure, but I've also learned that I can endure a good bit of pain and discomfort. I've learned that I can commit to something and stick to it. I've learned that having something, especially as a parent, that is just a tad bit selfish, is good for your well being. I've learned that I can be a hard worker, that I am determined and stubborn. I've learned that it takes me two miles to get warmed up completely, and then I'm good for five to seven miles before I start getting physically exhausted. I am still learning, both about racing and about myself. I'm also learning about parenting. My father should never have told me I can't. He should have been my biggest cheerleader. He should have told me, even if he didn't believe it, that I could make it happen if I really wanted it.

I got sick and didn't run for ten days. I rested and napped when the kids napped. Yesterday Todd took me running and his mom watched our clan. Todd pushed me to run further than I had ever run, 13.5 miles. Today, I can barely walk, but I feel incredible. A year ago I told myself I couldn't run 200m, yesterday I ran further than a half marathon. I'm starting to tell myself that I CAN run a marathon. That I can endure. That I am strong.

Whether or not I'm crazy or fast, running is one of the best things to ever happen to me.

And to us. Todd has always loved running. Now it's something we can do together (even though I am still a bit slower than him and I can't quite tackle the distances he can). We can go to dinner with the kids, and we can watch movies at bedtime and talk on the phone at lunchtime. But going running together, stuck out there alone for hours at a time on the trail, I really think it's brought us even closer together.

He is after all the one person who has always, always said that I could run. I guess I just didn't want to believe him.

I guess one more time admitting he was right won't hurt me.

I'll Return To You

2010-04-23T12:00:00.004-04:00

I know, I know. It's been like a month. But if you'll recall my last post was about having absolutely no time. I've even thought of giving up on the old blog, I just can't seem to give it up.

It's been a heck of a month. Or a little over. Sean had surgery. Sean did fine with surgery. Mom (me) surely suffered more than he. I had to organize, prepare and delivery several hundred dollars of baby gear for a local consignment sale. I made enough money to buy the kids spring clothes but have yet to find the time to do such frivolous activities. We went to Richmond and ran our first 10k. I did well. Better than I thought I would. Then I stopped running. Or so it feels. We've just been so busy. We threw a large Easter Egg Hunt Brunch with twenty toddlers and several hundred eggs. I ate coffee cake, quiche and casserole leftovers for days. The kids got to have Cadbury Eggs and Jelly Beans for the first time ever. We celebrated Easter with meals too large for even our families size. We went to the first ballgame of the season to see my nephew throw out the opening pitch. We went home, an hour later, disappointed by baseball players who won't play ball in the rain. Sean pulls himself into a sitting position and yet still refuses to open his mouth for solid foods, from apples to green beans he's just not that interested. We went to birthday parties with dirt cake and birthday parties where we were treated with convertibles and little ponies. We had dinners out and a few, if I might say, truly delicious meals in. We went to Target 47 times. The Walmart and Kroger 13 times. There was Romp 'N Roll and playgroups at churches. There was lunch and dinner at La Carreta, once in the same day even. There were trips to two children's museums. We took the twins hiking for the first time, even if it was only a mile. Then, well let's see, I got sick. That is another post.

I think that catches us up.

There is another thing. You know that movie Watchmen. Well when it came out I was probably the least interested person you could find, there were lots of conversations I overheard but didn't take part in and several magazine articles I turned the page on, but somehow it eventually ended up on our Netflix Queue and then in our mailbox. So we watched it. It began with this intro to which I looked over at Todd and said "I think this movie really wants me to love it already." But then can you go wrong with Dylan? If you haven't seen the movie and this intro doesn't move you, you probably won't like the movie but if it does and you have Netflix...

Watchmen :) Intro - Watch more Funny Videos

The one were I ponder where all of my time went.

2010-03-17T22:03:00.001-04:00

A long time ago (2 years, 3 months and 12 days ago to be exact), I had entire empty days and nothing in which to fill them. Those days would have been, could have been, great blogging days. But alas, my first blog was created on the eve of Bailey and Cooper’s birth. And then, BAM, motherhood arrived keeping me perpetually busy.

These days I often wonder to myself (usually one evening a month I find myself alone in the car and I actually get twenty minutes to actually THINK)-‘what in the hell did you do with your time before you had all of these kids’.

The answer?

Well, I watched T.V. A lot of T.V. From C.S.I. to Big Love, House Hunters to Myth Busters. If a station showed it I would watch it. Hours upon hours. If only I could get just a few of those hours back.

I searched the Internet. Everyday I searched, in the days before my hcg levels began doubling, I searched for cures and treatments to infertility. From Amazon to buy The Infertility Cure or A Few Good Eggs to places like IHR.com for Basal Body Thermometers and Ovulation Predictors (that was money well spent). Once pregnancy became me, it was baby names and stroller reviews, gender prediction quizzes and back to Amazon to order A Child Is Born.

I also ate. Again, I did this a lot. Even when I wasn’t hungry. And I shopped. Surprisingly more than I ate, I shopped. I would drive some afternoons the twelve miles into the city just to walk the isles of the Baby Depot at Burlington or window shop Mother Goose. I was obsessed. And more than just a little depressed. I would venture into town some days just to order a large Coke (not diet) and an even larger order of onion rings from Burger King. I spent a lot of time with my Grandmother. That may be the single thing I will never regret. That time was never wasted.

I would stay home on occasion and having done the five or six loads of laundry for the week I would wash guest room bed linens when we hadn’t had guests. I would actually fold underwear. I would fill a bucket with water and work my way throughout the house scrubbing baseboards and wainscoting . Or I would spend the morning dusting bookshelves and books, then organize them by genre, then size.

I read. Boy, did I read. Sometimes three of four books a week. I won’t go any further on that subject as that’s one of the only things I am still mourning the loss of as a parent of many young children. But I didn’t just read novels and novellas. I read magazines and junk mail.

I may sound as though I am complaining. I’m not. I am trying to characterize that lonely life for you in which I used to live. The one where sleep was uninterrupted, the floors were clean, and the rooms were quiet. Too quiet. I had to quell the silence with television and Rhapsody playing constantly, the unsettling silence was deafening. That life was, if nothing else, boring. There were no noses for me to wipe, there were no disputes over who was playing with the Fridge Phonics last, there was no screaming in the backseat, only Talking Heads. If those days were empty because of waiting for the children I longed for, these days are filled to the brim with activities in which to fuel their toddler brains or to keep my sanity.

I was not right with myself for a very long time. Even, to be honest, after the twins were born, I was still in some ways, struggling with depression. But in these past few months, as the days have become busier and busier, I have smiled more, frowned less. I am for the first time in a long time, if not ever, at home in my life. I am satiated with this nuclear family of mine. When Cooper wakes up from nap and looks at me with those eyes for which I’ve no name for the color and says “Mommy, I was tired.” I think, ‘me too, buddy, what took you so long.”

The one where I lose a watch, but win a medal.

2010-03-08T14:15:00.001-05:00

This weekend was our second official race of the 2010 season. This race, another trail run, was held in the heart of the Blue Ridge Mountains on the trails of the beautiful scenic Explore Park in Roanoke, Virginia. The recent history of the park, and its limbo status, were enough to have my interests peaked in this race however I was a little worried after the Liberty mountain trail run how efficiently I could tackle another snowy trail.

Fortunately, the weather has been a tad bit warmer in these parts the last two weeks (40s and even some 50 degree days) and the trails were about 99% clear. I had done some extensive result studying where I tracked the overall results of the Mountain Junkies Explore Your Limits last five races in my age group and decided that if I could muster up the strength and energy to finish in under 33 minutes I might just place in my age group. The week prior to the race I had the best intentions to get a few runs of at least 5k distance in. I got one. On race morning, as on every race morning before, I was incredibly nervous and completely unsure of myself. There seemed to be a lot of runners at the race who appeared to be in my age group and I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to finish the race in the time I had allotted myself and that I wouldn’t place.

On the starting line Todd and I decided we would run together for the first mile with the hopes of him pacing himself better so he didn’t go out to fast and with the hopes of increasing the pace at which I began the race. I always start races slow, it has something to do with that story of the Tortoise and the Hare I think. “Slow and steady” wins the race (I literally repeated that mantra to myself at the Liberty Mountain run). When the race began I held up with Todd for about two minutes. He however, couldn’t bear my 8 minute mile pace and I was soon just a memory for him. I did my best however to run fast enough to finish with a respectable time but so as not to bonk. I was doing well until I reached the bottom of the first real hill. The hill slowed me down so much that when I took a look at my Garmin I was convinced I wouldn’t finish in under 34 minutes. My mind was apparently a little exhausted though because I wasn’t figuring my pace accurately and before I knew it I was at the top of the hill and then the next one and then before long I heard a volunteer shout ‘only 200 more yards’ at which point I switched into sprint mode, past the 41 year old man whom I had been pacing with for about a mile, and sprinted to the finish. My time: 27:18. I was ecstatic. But not convinced that I had indeed placed.

Within minutes the rest of our team had finished and we were all downing water and Gatorade. We moved ourselves inside to partake in the famous Mountain Junkies Pumpkin Bread (which was delicious) as well as bagels, bananas and cookies. Man, I love the free food that accompanies a great race. We ate our food as they tallied the race results and handed out door prizes (Jordan, who is the luckiest person we know, won a door prize yet again). And then it was time for awards.

I am pleased beyond measure that I can claim second place in my age group for Saturday’s race, especially since after the official race results were posted I learned that I did indeed run in the largest age group (there were 16 in my age group, all other groups peaked at about 5 or 6 runners). And I am just as pleased to tell you that East Coast Madness came home with four medals, three second place awards and one for third (yeah! Go Tyler!).

I am not as pleased to tell you about what happened when I got home. My watch, my most handy Garmin Forerunner, that I got as a Christmas gift from Todd and have yet to be able to really test all of it’s features, didn’t make the trip home with us. I tore the house and car apart looking for it Saturday afternoon before emailing the race director with my lost watch woes. Turns out someone had indeed come across my watch (which I had removed in the women’s bathroom when I went to pump) and turned it in. My watch is now waiting for me in Salem, Virginia. Not as close to home as I would like, but far better than it being lost to me forever.

Overall, it was an awesome race. A huge thank you to Mountain Junkies for their ability to put on one amazing race!

I am looking forward to warmer weather (it’s 61 today), training outdoors (we got in over 15 miles this weekend) and seeing more marked improvement on my times.

Safer of just plain lazier?

2010-02-25T08:22:00.005-05:00

I was perusing Facebook this morning, which I will admit I do quite frequently, when I came across a status having to do with the apparent redesigning of the hot dog.

That's right, the hot dog, around in some form since the fifteenth century, may be getting a new look due to it's status as a common choking hazard. Now don't get me wrong I know that hot dogs can be dangerous. The only person I have ever seen choking was in fact choking on a hot dog. My brother's toddler lips turned blue before my mom successful unlodged the hot dog from his throat and it's a scene that has always remained in the forefront of my mind when preparing them (the vegetarian version anyways) for my own children. But really this proposed redesign has me thinking only one thing: Will this change make our kids safer or just us parents lazier?

Will selling hot dogs in the shape of dinosaurs or smiley faces make them safer for our children? Perhaps, but what is so wrong with the slice and dice method that parents have been using for ages? And besides there will still be foods that pose choking hazards, which truly can be any food, but what about grapes, nuts and popcorn? Is it only because hot dogs can be altered that the suggestion is being made? And while you're at it APA, why not try suggesting they be made a tad bit healthier? I mean nitrates? The childhood cancer link?

Overall, my biggest problem lies in the fact that a lot of these suggestions made by the American Association of Pediatrics wouldn't even need to be made if parents were more on the ball with their children. I know the American Association of Pediatrics is only trying to inform parents in the hopes of keeping them safe. It seems to me that parents, myself included, are the ones who need to be making changes, not Oscar Meyer.

But alas, if made some people will buy the sliced and diced hot dogs, Oscar Meyer will make more money (because they're bound to charge more for that convenience) and some children, unfortunately, will continue to choke on hot dogs.

Damn that glass looks half empty.

Snack time

2010-02-23T09:08:00.001-05:00

Snowy days and Wednesdays

2010-02-17T08:56:00.001-05:00

I am just so done with all of this snow, ice, sleet and slush. Done. Do you hear me Mother Nature? D-o-n-e.

I understand that we live in a part of the country that gets four definite seasons. I am generally good with this, I like to watch the seasons change and it’s nice to have a few cooler months following the warm and humid summer months. But this winter has just been ridiculous. I don’t recall seeing any giant acorns lying about but so far this winter we have seen more accumulation in these parts then in any previous winter in my lifetime.

The weathermen used to cry wolf, threatening us weekly with flurries that never came to fruition. Now they are always right. They call for snow and we get it. Lots of it. We have had snow covering the ground since December. December. That never happens.

Today’s forecast? Flurries. And we’ll probably see some. And then they’re calling for more snow next week. In the past I loved getting a good snow once or twice a year. But then it would warm up a little and melt. It’s been a record breaking cold winter and the snow is hanging around. Having everything around us covered in snow, a lot of it grey and black tinged, it’s effect has worn off. I’m just plain sick of it all.

And if I could get my hands on that little punk Punxsutawney Phil, I’d tell him what I thought of six more weeks of this stuff. I mean come on, get over your shadow already.

http://bit.ly/iamabitcrazyyaknow

2010-02-16T23:12:00.001-05:00

I am having a hard time making it downstairs to the treadmill. It’s not the distance in feet or the stairs that are making it difficult to get to the treadmill either. I still handle stairs alright at this age, it’s everything else. Like the cute little bugger to the side there and his little siblings.

Today Adobe Photoshop Lightroom arrived in the mail and I am just itching to tear into it. I had Lightroom before I lost it ~~in the fire~~ when the old Toshiba died last summer but this version was shipped to me directly from Adobe if you catch my drift. Just another thing to keep me off target and away from the basement.

My hair is still falling out but I’m feeling a little better about it. First, I talked to a girlfriend who had a baby three weeks after me and she said that her hair is falling out in fistfuls too. Secondly, I went in for some blood work two weeks ago to have some things checked like my blood count, testosterone and thyroid. My doctor called me today to tell me that everything looks ‘quite good’ and I appear to be quite healthy. Even my PCOS seems to be in remission. I’ve heard having a baby or babies can do that to you. And lastly, my dear old husband is going bald and I still love him so I’m hoping that if I am indeed going bald he will at least still love me and perhaps even hold my hand and kiss me gently when we go wig shopping.

That is if he doesn’t run away with Twittergirl anytime soon.

Do you ever have those dreams where your significant other runs off with a nameless faceless beauty? I was lucky enough to have one of those dreams just the other day. I can’t recall much of the dream but boy did I wake up angry. Unfortunately, Todd was still home and I was feeling like I had slept on a board and my mood was perhaps showing that when I told him about his ruthlessness in my dream. He just looked at me and smiled, “You’re angry with me aren’t you?”

Well, wouldn’t you be if your husband brought Twittergirl home to live with you? Twittergirl, the nerve of some people and their usernames. Imagine if I called myself Blogspotgirl or Flirkrgirl. Wouldn’t that just annoy you? Especially if I moved in with you and your mate. You are feeling me on this one, right?

I’m thinking that perhaps I watch too much Big Love.

Or that I’ve been spending was too much time lately trying to be witty and catching in 140 characters or less.

Either way I haven’t been finding my way to the treadmill, that’s for sure.

Giving up is too decisive for me.

2010-02-12T14:49:00.001-05:00

Last week was a good week. Despite a lot of snow that we in these parts are just not accustomed to, I actually ran over 17 miles. That’s right, first week all year to actually reach my goal of 15 miles. I felt so good about it that this week I’ve run two miles. I’m sort of like a roller coaster, I know.

Despite my pathetic totals for the week I did go ahead and register for my first real race of the season. A 5k trail race held by Liberty University next Saturday morning. We even have a babysitter lined up ahead of time. Of course, we still have snow everywhere and they are already calling for more so the race will probably get cancelled but I am going to hold on hope for just a little longer. The true beginning of the race season, which begins full force the beginning of March, does have me excited. I knew the winter would be hard but we haven’t had snow like this…well not since before I was born, and this winter and all the snow has been constantly testing everything I worked so hard for last fall. But I think despite all the draw backs I’m getting better. I did only two miles last night but they were sprint intervals at which I was running about 8% faster than my 5k pace on the treadmill which should amount to even more on the actually road because I always find that I run faster on the actual road than on the treadmill.

I have been baking a lot. I just love it, you could even say I’ve become addicted to it. I make the kids something from scratch almost every morning nowadays. They had cereal for the first time in over ten days this morning and that’s because we were running behind, because I have Buttermilk Pancake batter just sitting in the fridge ready to go. I have also been submitting my work to a trendy food site. And being constantly rejected. It is really bruising my ego. And has made me start to really criticize my food photography and realize a lot of my photos are crap. I also wish I still had Adobe Lightroom, it was so awesome. So I’ve been researching technique and new recipes. This weekend I am going to try my first scones ever and perhaps some Beignets. I am also going to attempt a Valentine Cake for my sweeties. And of course take four hundred photos. And resubmit to snobby but very trendy food site. And then, because they’re bound to reject me, resubmit again. I. Must. Get. Accepted.

Ten Years.

2010-02-04T03:38:00.000-05:00

This year I celebrate ten years since I graduated from high school. As things go, that means that it is time to celebrate with our first class reunion. When I was still close with a few friends from high school I figured it was a done deal, I would definitely be going to the reunion. However a few things have changed in the last year and lately I haven’t been so sure.

Despite being friends with 50 or so people I went to high school with via Facebook, I am not really in contact with anyone from that time in my life anymore. It’s somewhat sad but I seem to have lost contact with all of my friends from high school. Sure we occasionally say hello to one another on a social network or chat in passing at Target but it’s more like acquaintances than friends nowadays. I am now surrounded with friends whose children are the same age as my own. I think that’s pretty typical, but I wonder what will happen to those bonds when our children get old enough to make their own friends.

So I wasn’t so sure I was even going to be attending any reunion when I got invited, via Facebook of course, to join a Facebook group entirely dedicated to my graduating class’ reunion. A week or so later I even got a personal message on Facebook asking whether or not I was planning on attending whatever event is chosen. The note moved me, that someone actually gave a hoot whether or not I would be attending the reunion kind of made my cold heart soften, just a tad of course. Then yesterday I noticed that I had been tagged in a picture on the group wall. The picture is from Ring Dance, junior year. I’m wearing that cheap velour dress I bought from Value City. My mother’s friend had tried for over half an hour to do something with my dense coarse hair (ah, when I had a full head of hair, those were the days). My girlfriend and I went to the dance together. She didn’t have a date and I was hopelessly in love with a guy who had moved across the country to live with his family, so I didn’t have a date either. We rode to the dance in my little ‘89 Pontiac Sunbird with the ewok, Wicket, hanging from the rearview mirror and probably Dramarama playing on the cassette player. That picture really seems to have shaken something in me.

It’s not that I have decided to attend the reunion, they have after all, joked about having it at Putt-Putt. And it isn’t even that I am nostalgic for old times or old friends, even though there are honestly a few I do miss or would like to see. Honestly, it just made me feel old. And not ten years older. Like twenty, maybe even twenty five. I honestly don’t even recognize the girl in the picture. I went and looked in the mirror afterwards just to see if it was me.

My face is clearer, that’s for sure. My hair which is still falling out, is shorter with lots of gray. My eyebrows were….oh let’s just say my mom used to affectionately tell me I looked like Brooke Shields, but only in the eyebrows and only Brook Shields in the “Blue Lagoon” movie. My sense of fashion in no keener. But it isn’t just in the appearance that I look so different to myself, it’s the fact that I can almost feel the ten years difference when I look in that picture.

They’ve picked a date for the reunion. I don’t have a run or adventure race so far that weekend. But babysitter’s aren’t always easy to come by and I’m pretty sure the only way they’re going to want your children to come are as 2x3 wallets. It’s in October, so I have time to think about it.

But it didn’t hit me, until I saw that picture, just how long ten years feels.

My little taste testers

2010-02-03T23:10:00.001-05:00

This week I decided to make seven muffin recipes to try out over on my baking blog. By the end of the week some of us won’t care if we ever see a muffin again. But I have been ‘testing’ my recipes out to see whether or not they’re kid friendly. The other day we were snowed in and I made two different muffins; Cinnamon Sugar muffins and Maple Muffins. When they were all done I let Cooper do a little taste testing. He had quite the time with it.

He was thrilled to be chosen as number one taste tester.

He sampled the Cinnamon Sugar ones first.

He decided pretty quickly that he liked the Cinnamon Sugar ones over the maple ones. I wasn’t a bit surprised.

Here he’s saying “Anytime, Mom. Anytime.”

The next day I made Zucchini Chocolate Chip Muffins. Bailey got to be number one taste tester that day (Cooper was still down for his nap).

She loved them.

She couldn’t stop singing their praises.

Take two.

2010-02-01T22:37:00.001-05:00

Last week I ran a total of two miles. That’s right. Two. My weekly goal of 15 miles is turning out to be a lot harder than I imagined. Of course, I have a lot of excuses. Last night I even wrote a long post about all of my excuses, you know, instead of running. Then my computer froze up and I had to shut it down and my post, which had taken me the time to run perhaps three miles, was gone.

Today was the first of February (if by some chance you failed to notice) and I decided, after writing my winey little post last night, that I have to be more committed to training if I’m ever going to run 10k’s, half marathons and yes, eventually full marathons and ultras. I just wish it were warmer outside and that I could hit the roads and trails more often. It’s no secret by now, I just can’t seem to completely overcome my dislike for the treadmill.

The thing is I really love to run. I love the action, I love how strong I feel during it and after it, I love the way my body looks from doing it, I love the pride and sense of accomplishment it gives me. I love sprinting and pulling ahead. I love running with others. I love trail running. I love my running shoes. I love logging into runner’s world and entering in my most recent run.

Like tonight. Over 5 and a half miles. That’s a record for me running on the treadmill. I figure it’s a new month and a new chance to reach those 15 mile a week goals.

I love learning something new.

2010-01-29T23:21:00.001-05:00

I am addicted to blogging. It’s the plain and simple truth. You have perhaps never known someone to create, work on, delete and ponder so many blogs and posts in your life. I think there have been eight or nine blogs and several hundred posts.

No, I’m not kidding. Thank you very much. I have deleted all but four of them. This one, the baking one, the running one and then the photo one for the family are all that remain of my blogging endeavors.

So I love blogger and their free site. I really do. But I don’t particularly care for the blogger posting layout. It’s just always annoyed me and I am always trying to change it and learn a thing or two about the grand ‘ole internet. Well today I think I finally learned something.

You see over at my baking site I have decided to bake up a whole weeks worth of muffins starting on Sunday. And I wanted to tell my oh so many readers what I was working up…but I couldn’t figure it out. I can’t write HTML code myself and I was just not getting the result I was looking for otherwise. I grew very frustrated, drank a diet coke and ate four slices of oatmeal bread while pondering the question via google and burning my Friday evening away.

Until finally I learned about something called Microsoft Live Writer. And I did the unthinkable. I downloaded it, which I never ever ever do. Download anything that is. I’m honestly just plain scared to. My computers get virus’ more often than any of my toddlers and that seems to be saying something. But desperate and obsessed I proceeded with the download.

Here it is, only two hours later and I am writing my first post on it. Thus far I am loving it. If nothing else it allowed me to create a document in Word bring it over to Live Writer, get the source code and then post it, like I wanted to, in boxes elsewhere on my site. Whew. Just what I wanted.

I love learning.

It’s why I went to college for seven years.

Truth be told. It was only 5 1/2 years.

Title? Really? For every Post?

2010-01-29T15:09:00.005-05:00

I was going to write and send thank you notes today for the twin’s birthday party that took place more than two weeks ago.

But the phone wouldn’t stop ringing and my concentration was broken over and over.

I was going to bake a Chocolate Cavity cake.

But I can't seem to get my bowl to be removed from the Kitchenaid stand. Seriously.

I was going to wash my hair.

But it's all just going to fall out anyways.

I was going to pay my taxes.

But I forgot that I am completely broke.

I was going to write a few posts.

But I am frustrated and sad and have no original ideas or thoughts that are my own.

I was going to run.

But sick kids make for poor sleepers and early risers, who cares if I'm fast anyways?

Oh, that's right. I do.

Why does butter have to be so bad for you?

2010-01-20T08:19:00.003-05:00

I am doing, at least for me, rather well staying active this winter. Last night, for example, I went to a Zumba class at 7:30 and followed that by attempting to run a few quick miles through Wyndhurst, a local shopping and dining community that houses both Romp 'N Roll and the dance studio where the Zumba class is taught. I figured it would be safe enough to run there by myself at 8:30 p.m. on a Tuesday. But alas, I am a big fat scaredy cat and with recent news of a shooter in Appomattox, a short distance away, my nerves were a little rickety. Long story short, at one mile when a man approached me to ask where some local bar was, I called it quits. I then came home to ride 12.5 miles on the recumbent bike, all in all it was a good training day.

However on the other side I have let my eating get way out of hand. A few weeks ago I reached a total of 60 lbs lost since having Sean. I was thrilled but I began worrying that I might be losing too much weight. I still have a little stomach pouch but other than that I have thinned out considerably since having Sean. Something I attribute mostly to breastfeeding, diet coke over Cherry Coke and running. But I was worried that at my current weight loss, which has steadily been a pound a week now for three months I was going to get too thin. So what did I do? I let the reigns down and have been gobbling up everything in sight. Luckily I have only gained two pounds and that is even with devouring entire Banana cakes by myself.

But thinking about my food consumption for one day has me a little nervous that if I don't restrain myself I will be looking at a weight gain of more than 60 lbs in the not to distant future. Yesterday for example I ate four slices of banana bread for breakfast, three slices of pan pizza from Pizza Hut with two breaksticks, followed by a snack of more banana bread (I actually defrosted some of the frozen, that cake is irresistible), a small bag of M&M's, and some Cinnamon Goldfish. For dinner I had cornbread (that I will post about later) and black bean soup. I tried to not eat anything late last night but I just couldn't help it and ate more Cinnamon goldfish right before going to bed which I know is a serious faux pas.

So help me folks, I was doing so well last fall and I think it was because I had so much weight to lose. Now that I've reached my goal weight I am having a hard time setting and sticking to healthy eating perimeters. I know it's all ok now but I know how much I like food and am honestly worried that I won't be able to stop myself before returning to my old ways.

I was eating BLT's everyday, now I eat pizza. I was making quick breads with appleasauce and egg beaters, my banana cake had shortening (OH MY!) and sour cream. I was snacking on the likes of apples and chex mix. Now it's been brownies and more brownies. I am hoping that the realization yesterday of how bad my eating has become will allow me to regain control.

Several people have hinted to me that I could stand to gain a few pounds which is why I went crazy through Christmas and the New Year but I know that overall I have to be eating healthy and that is just what I've not been doing the last five weeks. So here is to saying NO to second helpings of Macaroni and Cheese and yes to more mixed vegetables.

I'm even working on a new mantra, wanna hear it?

Be strong and brave, Alexis. It's only food.

Hungry

2010-01-17T21:20:00.003-05:00

First, let me just say that I am a bakeaholic and having a new baking blog is turning out to be very bad for what I was trying to get to be my new and improved eating habits. Now my eating habits consist of two cinnamon bagels followed by Double Chocolate Ghiradelli Cookies. I never thought of myself as much of a sweets fan until about four months ago but now I can't seem to control myself.

Our weekends are so busy that I can't even compile a complete to do list before Sunday night rolls around. We have had birthday parties the last three weekends and next weekend we have a baby shower to celebrate a new person for whom we'll have a party to attend next year. Not that I'm complaining, I like cake. But it does make getting to the grocery store and fitting in a decent training session even harder than before.

Fortunately, however, we were lucky enough to have Todd's mom help us out this weekend and yesterday she came over to spend the afternoon with the children and Todd and I went for a good long training session. We ran over 7 miles, four of them through icy trails and snowy paths from the snow that fell over a month ago, followed by 10 miles on our bikes. Todd got a bike for Christmas and hadn't gotten a chance to take it for a test drive. He wanted to go 15 miles but the trails were really icy and slowed us down a bit and we don't like to leave our children for too long. Overall it was a good day. It's nice to have a few people who will watch the three children so that we can get a good run in. The 7 miles yesterday really wore me out so I know I have a long ways to go before I'm ready for a half marathon.

It's the end of the week and I have failed yet again to reach my measly goal of 15 miles yet again. This upcoming week I think I may aim for less distance more often. I am having a hard time getting in a long run and so I'm just putting running off. I think going downstairs and getting on the treadmill whenever I get a chance may result in more miles overall. I may just take to wearing my workout clothes all day long.

But tonight I am in the mood to bake. Maybe a Banana 'N Cream Bundt Cake.

The craze that's sweeping the nation. Like a crimper but for your hips.

2010-01-13T14:49:00.003-05:00

So apparently there is this aerobic fitness program that blends dance moves with resistance training and it has become so popular that there are 40,000 people teaching it in over 75 countries.

The program, which you may have heard of, is Zumba and one of those 40,000 people resides here in the city we live in and teaches a class twice a week at a local dance studio not even a block from Romp 'N Roll. One of Bailey and Cooper's friends mom was going to go for the free session last night and wanted to know if any of us other mom's wanted to give it a try. Naturally, I said 'why the heck not?'

Once upon a time I was into fitness. I wasn't very fit but I wanted to be a member of the local YMCA (one block over from the dance studio here in Mayberry), and there I got to try out classes for Pilates, Yoga, Cycling, and more often than anything else Aerobics. Now that I am running, biking and ever so occasionally lifting weights I thought it was a great time to add something else to the mix so I don't burn out on the other activities.

So last night after I overstuffed myself on Macaroni and Cheese and Rosemary Texas Rolls I got dressed and headed over to the small dance studio where the class is taught. There were six other females in the class as well as the instructor. I was seconds late so the class started as I was walking in the door.

It was quite the experience. I learned several things about myself that if I already knew I had forgotten in the past five years. I have no rhythm, nope none what so ever. I stayed in the back of the room and kept wondering if I attend the class regularly if my rhythm would ever improve. I also have very poor coordination skills. If I wasn't regularly looking foolish I was still two steps behind. However, I felt great, I did work up a sweat but it wasn't so much that I had to stop and take a breather and I was able to keep up with the others who mostly looked like they did this sort of thing nightly.

Overall, I loved it. I doubt that I will ever have the skills of Shakira when it comes to belly dancing as my hips are compulsive liars and I don't think the song Boom Boom Pow will ever grow on me but I think that I will go back next week. You know, just for fun.

30 Minutes of Wonderful

2010-01-11T11:52:00.003-05:00

A lot of our friends are pregnant. I can think of six of our friends who are pregnant and another who is adopting a baby girl in April. I am surrounded by women who are expecting, hoping to get pregnant soon, or have just had a baby. I feel as though we have officially entered that stage where our friends are all building their families. It's an exciting time for a lot of people and I am happy to be able to experience it with many of them. That's seven babies in the next six months, I am just waiting to see who else will become pregnant before year's end.

With so many friends who are expecting the topic of pregnancy and conception comes up quite a bit in conversation. Last week at dinner several friends were discussing having more children. Two of them have adopted and would love more children, one of them is currently trying and the other is trying to convince her husband about having another. They are all a little older than me and several of them aren't sure they want to have another baby because of their age, their schedules, or time. Because following this conversation I had a forty minute drive home with no kids in the car and no one to talk to on my cell phone I gave a lot of thought to family size and children in general.

I can honestly say, if money were no object, and unfortunately it is with each new child, I would have a soccer team of children. I love every bit of it. Sure I get grumpy, I have my bad days, I lose my patience, but that was the case before children and my life was not nearly this fulfilling. I love every bit of it.

I love being pregnant. Really and truly maybe more than anyone I have ever known I absolutely love being pregnant. Sure I had morning (really night) sickness and difficulty sleeping but there is nothing else like being pregnant. You treat yourself so well, others treat you so well. The early movements of the baby the first real proof besides a gray image on an ultrasound screen that there really is a life growing inside of you.

Then there is the birth. Hard and difficult but amazing. And the beautiful moment when you finally get to see and hold and meet your new baby. Those first few weeks are so terrible, not because you lose and never catch up on sleep but that the sleep deprivation robs your memory of that small pink skinned treasure, they grow so stinking fast, babies do. And then just when you think it couldn't get any better, they start to smile.

As they grow the days feel short yet sometimes too long. They are constantly on the go, you are constantly trying to catch up with them. And they start to crawl, and walk and talk. And you think that it is amazing, these mundane and ordinary skills, but truly it is amazing. You call friends and family, snap pictures, jot down 'baby rolled over' in the baby book.

And they transform slowly yet seemingly right before your eyes from infants to babies to toddlers. And there language grows and it's no longer just 'no' but 'no, mommy come here and help me'. The trials of parenting, difficult though they are, easily wiped from your memory at bedtime when they curl up to be read to and blow kisses at you standing at the door.

And it's all still so early and maybe there really is a bad time ahead and terrible tantrums and harsh words spoken but I'll keep my ignorance for now. I'm sticking with my claim, if money were no object I'd take a half dozen any day.

At the same time, now is the first time in eight years that I am not desperately seeking two pink lines on a pregnancy stick. I feel busy with the three I have, especially with them all so young, but I love having so many children and babies around us. They make the world seem so much brighter. I can't wait to meet and hold each of these new people. And where as I don't want to get pregnant any time soon, it's still there, the desire to have more children. Where many people would probably find three to be more than enough I find the words of Karen Carpenter echoing in my head, 'we've only just begun'.

I know it sounds hokey but I have wanted children my whole life, a whole flock of them. And then there was such a long time when I didn't know if we would ever have any of our own. But just as I never take running water for granted thanks to the year I lived in the house with the very shallow well, I will never take my role as parent for granted. Even if someday, I do indeed buy them a birthday cake from Kroger.

Minor setbacks and excursions

2010-01-11T10:41:00.002-05:00

Sometimes achieving your goals is just harder than you imagined, even if they appear completely attainable. I had every intention of running 15 miles last week. 15 miles. Doesn't even sound like all that much, but there is so much on the calendar and on the to-do list and 15 miles was a measly 6 miles by weeks end.

I'm not giving up, that was just week one. But this week (I am starting my week's on Monday) I am going to aim high and realize that I am just not a fan of the treadmill. Yesterday, our team madness ran a mock 5k at a park nearby. It was cold. About 24 degrees. And there was still ice and snow on the ground from the snow that fell a week before Christmas. But I managed to come in on this flat and easy trail in under 25 minutes. That forces me to realize that the treadmill is a necessary evil to keep up my physical ability during these treacherous winter months (this is shaping up to be the coldest winter I have ever known).

Last week was a little setback to my goals, but I'm not giving up. Instead I am filling up the calendar with early spring races and looking ahead to the half marathon and running on the beach.

2010 Goals

2010-01-04T14:27:00.003-05:00

It's that time of year again. Time to decide to quit things, time to make resolutions to change or improve. It's January. There's freeze warnings throughout the East Coast. Man, if it weren't for tomorrow being Bailey and Cooper's birthday I think I could honestly say that I hate January.

You see I made not so much a list of Resolutions but a list of 'goals' for 2010. I tried when thinking of my resolutions to be reasonable and make goals that were attainable. For instance I would love to quit biting my nails and I have stopped for months at a time but I always start back up again so I just left it off the list. No reason to let this year get off on the wrong start. I also thought of adding 'grow hair back that I have lost' but I don't really know how to get back all the hair I have been losing since I had Sean. I don't know if I am deficient in something or if it is normal to lose seven hundred pieces of hair each morning in the shower but I know one can not resolve to just grow back their hair because my husband would not be balding if that were the case. So realistic and attainable, that was the aim.

So here they are in no particular order. (You may notice a certain theme.)

1. To take training more seriously. I vow to run 15 miles a week or 60 miles a month throughout 2010, meeting an overall goal of breaking 700 miles for the year. This goal will require running approximately four times a week. So I must also resolve my issues with the monster, I mean treadmill in the basement. It is after all below freezing in these parts and will be all week.

2. To run a 5k in under 25 minutes. Sure I would like to do it in less than 24 or 23 minutes. But I want goals that are attainable for this year. If I reach 25 minutes than I can make more goals but for now I would like to come in under 25 minutes.

3. To work more with Bailey and Cooper on letters, numbers and colors. Their brains are in the sponge state and we must take advantage of this period. In a few short years they won't be listening to anything I tell them and will refuse that an apple is an apple even if it most obviously is, we must make the most of this time.

4. To reboot the Thomas' financial goals and plans and get savings back on the priority list. 'nough said.

5. My most lofty goal. I would like to run a half marathon this year. The half marathon I have in mind is in September so I have nine months to train for it and if I keep with goal number one it shouldn't be any trouble but I am still nervous about this one more than the others. I will save the 26.2 for 2011. I also want to do the Virginia 10 miler but it falls after the half marathon and if I can pull off the half I don't think the 10 miler will be unattainable.

6. To cook more meals at home and eat out less. This one may actual be harder for me than running the half marathon.

7. To train with and compete with the rest of East Coast Madness in two adventure races this year.

I know things like cutting out refined sugars and sweets in general should be on my list but it isn't. Instead I have started a new blog(read: Yes, I am truly crazy) and have been baking up a storm and am enjoying every moment of it. Also, it makes me want to run more.

I have high hopes for this year.

Off Target

2009-12-18T15:15:00.004-05:00

After every race we run my sister asks, "Isn't running addictive?" I am usually so high from running and out of breath that I just shake my head and stretch, but lately I have been thinking more and more about the addictive powers of running.

Now keep in mind I haven't gone for a run since Saturday's 8 plus mile trail and path run at the Blackwater Creek and I haven't even once experienced the shakes, with the exception of Tuesday afternoon when I hadn't been able to keep anything in my stomach for hours. But I am beginning to go a little stir crazy that I can't seem to find the time to run. Boy, I never thought I would say-or type-that.

I think about running several times a day. I think about how best to train. I contemplate my goals, both short term and long term, and constantly restructure where I want to see myself next spring, next summer, the summer after that. I worry about preventing Vitamin D deficiencies and ankle pains. If addicted I am not, obsessed I most certainly am.

Last week, that's right, as early as the 8th I was already compiling my 2010 resolutions. I have several this year, most of which are focused on my running and my training. I want to be faster. I want to run further. I want to run more often. My actual goals are far more outlined than that, but I'm still thinking them over, I'll let you know in two weeks the actual resolutions for the upcoming year.

The cold weather has finally settled in and has me already rather annoyed. The Jingle Bell Fun Run, a 5 mile run through downtown Lynchburg, has been cancelled due to impending snow. Our training for Sunday at the Blackwater Creek Trails has been cancelled due to freezing temperatures, small children and the fear of ice.

One thing I have been considering, ever since my first race this past September, is running a half marathon next year. I know I should say full marathon but I believe in taking smaller steps. There are several next fall that look promising and we would have the whole spring and summer to prepare. One in particular, at a beach not too overly far from here, is really playing my tune. I think I may have Todd convinced that we should participate.

So addicted to running? Maybe.

Addicted to the thought of it? Most definitely.

It'e been 7 months and 15 days...or something like that.

2009-12-17T14:04:00.005-05:00

Most of the world has surely forgotten by now the chaos that overcame my life earlier this year when a good friend of mine and my mother came across my blog in the same week. Who are we kidding, only a handful of people have ever even read my blog, but I assure you that most of them have probably forgotten and didn't even care to begin with.

Who can't get over it? Me. Almost daily and sometimes several times a day I rethink my bad judgement. How could I have been so, so,...you know, the way that I was, so carefree and dumb. Telling the internets anything and everything that came to my mind was a great source of post ideas but it was also a lot more trouble than I ever imagined.

I have been very careful about my writing ever since with the exception of my last post. I let loose because I felt frustrated. I pour over details and make sure that I don't divulge too many charaterizing details or information and mostly stick to topics that revolve safely around my own life. It's so interesting, I know, I apologize. I liked it better when I could tell you about my crazy childhood and the mother I've never understood or really known. But I am trying to grow up, act my age, set a good example and not receive any hate mail. So here we are.

Today when I logged on to tell you about first tantrums and full bags of popcorn thrown away while still hot from Target's heating lamps I noticed my blog had two comments that needed to be moderated. Now I have no reason why these comments needed to be moderated other than the posts themselves were written over 20 months ago. I read the comments, they were delightful, but my heartbeat increased and a wave of nausea overcame me as I hit 'read' on them because folks- I live in fear.

I live in fear that I will hurt someone else's feelings by the simplest phrase or topic. I worry that my fear is really trapping me from writing about the sort of things I wanted to write about when I first began my blog two years ago.

Do I just scream from the rooftops that this is who I am and make no amends for it? Do I keep silent? Do I just get over myself already?

I wanted to post about the audacity of putting melatonin in sippy cups but I'm worried about the flaming I would recieve from workers at the Covenant Apostolic Church. I mean, I'm sure they had their reasons, right?

I ask myself, who is really suffering here?

December? Seriously? Already? Are you sure?

2009-12-03T08:19:00.004-05:00

Sometimes I think I am surely the worst blogger ever. Very often I have clever and witty things to say, or at least I think I do but I very seldom have the time to share my witty and clever things.

To be honest I have never felt so busy and overwhelmed in my entire life. You see I have been busy before, in college or when we were building our house, perhaps on a project or when I had a job. But there was always a foreseeable ending to that episode of busyness (spell check recognizes busyness, is it a word? I don't have the time to check?) The thing is now that I don't even have the time to finish a blog post in one setting, or make a phone call to my favorite sister-in-law or soak in the tub without falling asleep within five minutes and I really don't see us slowing down. Not for 18 years or so.

In fact we seem to just be making our lives more and more hectic all the time. Taking up running, throwing more holiday parties than we have friends. But I feel great. Sure there are days I feel like I could tear all of my hair out or could slap the fifteenth person in a row to give me the 'you sure have your hands full' line but then there are days where I truly feel like a very lucky woman.

Thanksgiving was a blast. The day itself was busy, we had a run which was a tad bit disappointing but my entire family was there and we all had breakfast together afterwards so that was nice. Then I went home and worked on dinner for seven all afternoon, but it too was rewarding. Afterwards we boxed up what was left and took a care package to my brother and his girlfriend who were camped out at Best Buy.

Friday I got up early and went shopping with my family and then my brother, his girlfriend and my sister came over and helped me prepare our annual day after thanksgiving feast. This was the 8th year we have done it and this was by far the least stressful year yet. I even snuck a few things in, like Carrot Souffle, when I noticed we were ahead of schedule. The dinner had a huge turnout and it was as always, a lot of fun.

The rest of the weekend was busy with family and training and the four day weekend ended as soon as it began. This week I have been trying to squeeze in more training for our last race of the year without much luck. On Thanksgiving I ran the Genesis House Turkey Trot, but I didn't come in with any of my goals, it was a rougher course than I had expected but it was the first time I had really been disappointed with my results. Tomorrows race is also a bit hilly which I know I am not prepared as I should be for but there is also going to be freezing temperatures and perhaps snow or rain. I am going to try and go back to my goal of just finishing the best that I can and hope that works for the other side of my brain that likes to put down the rest of my body when I don't meet the goals I have set of myself.

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T21:01:00.002-05:00

Today was a good day. We began the day running Lynchburg's Genesis House Turkey Trot. It was a family affair. Besides Todd and I, my sister, brother and his girlfriend ran the race while my brother-in-law watched the wee ones. The race was a tad bit discouraging. Last week I ran the Run for Their Lives 5k at Peaks View Park which was the flatest course I've run to date. I finished that course, which was mostly Elementary School students, in 25:15. I was hoping to come in close to that this morning. However, the run through Rainbow Forest was more than I had anticipated when the sign up sheet read 'rolling hills'.

After the race we stopped by to see my mother-in-law at work and get a newspaper to scan the Black Friday Ads, however, I still haven't found a moment to look them over. We then went to Cracker Barrel with my family for breakfast as it was about the only thing in our little town open.

We came home and I set right in to making dinner. I cooked and baked all day and we finally ate at a little after 5. The spread was beautiful and I had to fight the urge to take pictures, we stuffed ourselves so much that most of us have gone to bed without pie and the tablecloth is headed for the wash after only an hour's use.

After our dinner Todd packed up a care package for my brother and his girlfriend who are camped out at Best Buy to buy gifts for us to give to people. We took that by Best Buy and saw their camp set up complete with Todd's younger brother's tent from cub scouts from some year's back.

Now we are home, most everyone has gone to bed and the kitchen is a mess. I however, am to tired to clean it or do just about anything other than look throught the ads and set my alarm clock for 4 am.

Happy Thanksgiving all.

Because Shirley, I'm sure you want to hear about something other than running.

2009-11-18T14:10:00.002-05:00

In case you have somehow failed to notice, Thanksgiving is creeping up on us, it will be here, whether we're ready for her or not, a week from tomorrow. I love Thanksgiving, but for reasons other than Turkey, for which I obviously won't be having any. I love Thanksgiving because for me, it marks the beginning of the holiday season (I don't care when you put your Christmas stuff out Target, so there).

The day itself, the last Thursday in November, is really not my favorite holiday, it in fact, seldom even feels like one. I have gone to my grandparents house that has since become my aunt's house, since I was a baby. When I was a kid it was possibly my favorite holiday of the year, four whole days with my four male cousins, the longest visit we had from them all year. But as I grew up and drifted from my cousins Thanksgiving has slowly lost that zing it used to posess.

This year, I'm taking a stand. Not to hurt anyone's feelings but I am breaking the tradition. I finally decided that what good is a tradition if all the meaning is gone and you no longer enjoy it. I decided some few weeks ago to take Thanksgiving back for my family this year. Now that we have three children I want to begin anew with our own traditions and routines. I want Thanksgiving to be about giving thanks, appreciating all that we have to be thankful for, to appreciate that freedom of want, to bask in the love of the company we hold dearest. I want less boxed and frozen foods, I want homemade pies and fresh cranberry sauce. I want, no matter how small the feast, to make it feel for the first time in a long time, like a holiday.

I don't mean to sound as though I do not love or appreciate my extended family, they will, I hope, come around our house on Friday for our annual Black Friday Feast, it's just that the meal at my grandparents house has lost something, maybe it's my grandfather's presence, maybe it's me. I don't know exactly, I just know I'm not as happy there as I once was, and I want that spirit alive in me again. I don't want to be the Scrooge of Thanksgiving (of course I will be when it comes to scrubbing and peeling potatoes), I just want to try something new this year and hope it feels more alive and real to me.

I feel like a little kid in essence already, pouring over cookbooks and sample Thanksgiving menus. Searching for the perfect Pecan Pie Recipe (which I have never even tried) and the accompanying perfect Pumpkin Pie recipe (which astonishingly I have never tried either). I have bought the wine and choosen the tablecloth. I have been searching myself as to the perfect way to send the message to my family that above all is more important than the food; that I love them, that I am thankful for them and that without them pecan pie is just a lot of sugar and Thanksgiving is just another Thursday.

Here's hoping it feels like this (sans the Turkey of course)

Trying to be faster...

2009-11-10T13:17:00.005-05:00

I know that I am not the first person to say this, nor will I undoubtably be the last, but we have been very busy. Some days I don't know where the hours even run off to and the weeks are flying by. Our most recent race this past weekend snuck up on me before I even had a chance to really get any training in. This 5k was my third but my first 'trail race' in which we did a double loop through an Orchard in Bedford at the bottom of the Peaks of Otter. It was a beautiful trail complete with four hay bale jumps and apple tree branches to weave around. I was nervous about my time as I had been fair warned that trail races are much different than road races. With that warning however, I was still only able to make time to train twice. Jordan and Erin also did the race and my wonderful brother was on hand to watch the wee ones and to take snapshots. This is my favorite, coming in for the finish.

The Peaks are beautiful, I recommend that anyone whom hasn't done so already make every effort to make it to Bedford, Virginia sometime in their life to take in the beautiful mountains as well as the hike up Sharp Top Mountain.

Jordan won the top door prize valued at $65 and Todd came in 5th in his age division.

My time suffered a tad, but less than I was expecting. I came in 11 seconds slower than my last race, but that race had no real hills to speak of and no hay, so I think it was a wash.

We have signed up for three more 5ks in the next month and I am taking my training more seriously. Yesterday we ran four miles outside which the treadmill just cannot beat and today I went walking with a friend four miles pushing the over 100 pound stroller and kids. It too, was quite the workout. I have started seeing how fast I can run a mile and my first time was 8:01, I plan on using that to work down from and to help me increase my overall 5k time as well as longer distance running at a slower pace.

My 'goals' for this past race were to come in under 30 minutes and to come in under 100 out of the more than 180 runners. I am proud to say that though the goals may sound easy I did meet both of my goals, but just barely. I came in at 29:59 and 97th.

Our next race is Girls on the Run. It's a local organization at the schools around here that promotes healthy living to young girls and trains them to run a 5k. The 5k event is open to the whole community and we have signed up to run it. Todd, my wonderful coach, plans on running with me that race to try and push my time to under 28 minutes. We'll see how it goes.

bad news

2009-10-29T22:56:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry if you are unaware of this story. I'm sorry that I am bringing it to your attention, I'm sorry it was brought to my attention, I am sorrier that it ever happened and sorriest for the poor girl to which it happened.

I am outraged. Sickened. I don't know why or even how people do the horrid things they do. I don't know how the victims of such tragedies survive. I am disgusted that there are people out there who would do such a thing, or watch such a thing transpire without doing something, anything, to end it.

I don't know how I would rationally handle such an occurance should it happen to my own daughter. Would there be any reason to deal rationally? Could there be any way to react rationally? I have been thinking, almost nonstop since I read and heard about this story, how do I keep my daughter safe?

I know there really isn't any fail safe way to see that she always remains unharmed. The very thought is enough to cause unremitting sleeplessness.

So much for decent sleep tonight.

Feeling Pretty Good Right About Now

2009-10-29T07:18:00.001-04:00

Ten weeks ago today, I had Sean. Before I got pregnant, as I might have mentioned, I was carrying around a little extra weight, enough weight to put my BMI in the 'overweight' category actually. Being more concerned that I maintain a healthy pregnancy I did nothing to my diet while pregnant other than alternating the type of bread I ate and how much of it I ate. I started walking more in the seventh month and picked it up to 2 miles every few days in the last few weeks, more than anything, to try and bring his arrival on naturally.

Throughout the nine months however, I decided that after the pregnancy I really wanted to do a complete overhaul of my eating habits and exercise output. Immediately following Sean's birth I began eating more whole grains and fresh vegetables. I cut back on butter and oil and started reading more labels. I have been very diligent without being too obsessed. I have walked, jogged, ran or biked every other day for the past seven weeks. I am feeling good and my hard work is paying off.

In the past ten weeks I have lost 44 lbs. My original goals have far been exceeded at this point and I am actually quite surprised at the results. I am proud to announce that I am smaller than I have been since around the time that Todd and I got married 8 years ago.

I wanted to put off buying clothes but all of my jeans were literally falling off of me so I actually broke down after the race Saturday and went out and bought a pair of 'skinny' jeans. I don't know that I feel 'skinny' but I do feel good. I am not looking to lose any more weight, but just maintain at this point, maybe build a little more muscel. Oh, and finally have legs like these:

I have always loved Meg Ryan's legs. Just ask my sister, for some strange reason she thinks my obsession is weird.

My BMI, which before I got pregnant was around 27, is now 21.3 (based solely on my height and weight which probably aren't 100% accurate in determining BMI), which no longer puts me in the overweight category, but the 'normal weight' category.

Playing with food

2009-10-28T21:03:00.002-04:00

Ever since I had Sean I have been cooking and baking a lot more. Before Sean I ate maybe one meal a day at home and maybe 14 meals a week out. Now we eat out about 3 meals a week and I make very few things from a box. I have been spending time on all recipes daily and have subscribed to two food magazines. My TiVo has more Food Network shows than episodes of Snapped and I have started my own cookbook in Word to save all of my attempts at cooking and baking.

Today's experiment: Chocolate Zucchini Bread.

This morning I took the three kids and met a few other mothers for a walk in a nearby subdivision. After our walk we had a muffin at a local coffee shop. The chocolate chips mixed with banana bread were surprisingly yummy so I decided during nap time that I would like to whip up something with cocoa in it.

I found this recipe at allrecipes.com.

I turned the ingredient list from this:

Ingredients
2 (1 ounce) squares unsweetened chocolate
3 eggs
2 cups white sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
2 cups grated zucchini
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3/4 cup semisweet chocolate

to this:

Ingredients
6 tablespoons Nestle Cocoa
2 tablespoons Crisco Oil
3 eggs
3/4 cups white sugar
1 cup unsweetened applesauce
2 cups grated zucchini
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

The recipe made two 9x5 loaves that cooked in about 60 minutes. The bread is pretty good. It is far more healthy than the original recipe but not exceptionally sweet. The chocolate chips added all the chocolate flavor I would have needed. I think perhaps next time I will skip the cocoa and just put in more chips. And maybe a tad bit more sugar. I am not an expert by any means at baking and I certainly don't watch enough Alton Brown, but I am having a great time experimenting with many recipes.

In my search through the pantry this afternoon I came across some "Special Dark" cocoa. I am already thinking about what I can bake using that.

I am also on the lookout for a good Cherry Coffee Cake recipe to make this weekend for my dad and grandmother so if you know of one, please send me a link or recipe and I promise not to alter it...too much anyways.

If Not a Time Machine, an Alternate Energy Source?

2009-10-27T21:59:00.003-04:00

I am tired. Exhausted to the core. And to top being exhausted I can't sleep through the night anymore. It's not that Sean wakes me up (which he does) but I can't seem to fall back asleep. I hate to complain, but I just miss the days of feeling rested, whenever that time was.

I have been taking all three kids out on my own a lot more recently and it wears me out as much or more than it wears them out. But it's fall and the leaves are amazing and I just have a desire to be outdoors as much as possible. We have been to Morris Orchard three times in the last five days and yet Bailey squeeled today at the goats like she did the first time she saw them, so I know the trip was worth it.

Our weekends are never restful. Ever. I can't find time to buy our families groceries yet alone read twenty pages of a good book or take a soak in the tub. If we aren't racing, we are training for races or attending festivals or corn mazes. And we want to do these things, at least I want to do these things. But I also want to feel like standing up from a sitting position and not just falling asleep when squatting to tie Bailey's shoes.

And while I'm unloading, I will express my newest concern. Before every race I get extremely nervous, I feel sick to my stomach and it doesn't end until the race begins and I'm on my way. Our next race, in twelve days or less, already has me nervous. I am worried my time will go in the opposite direction, that I'm not really good enough to be out running 5ks. I wonder if I will ever feel confident about my ability to run. Will I ever reach my ultimate goals? Do I even know what those are?

A few minutes ago I was rereading old posts from last year when I thought about taking up running and how I gave it up so quickly. I want to think that this time is different, that I'm already proving to myself that I can do this, but I worry that I will slack off. That the cold winter weather and lack of races will result in my motivation teetering and I will be led astray of my goals and aspirations. I want someone to tell me this won't happen but I know that I'm the one in control. I'm the one who has to make training a top priority.

I know I'm tired now, but if I could only run longer, harder and faster.

But first I need a decent nights' sleep. Here's hoping tonights the night.

Official Results

2009-10-26T21:04:00.002-04:00

Todd : 24:15

Overall : 36th/439

Age group 0-99 Male : 30 out of 140 to finish

7:49 mile average

6th male in 30-39 to finish

Jordan : 29:48

Overall : 122/439

Age group 0-99 Female : 58 out of 299 to finish

9:37 mile average

Alexis : 29:48

Overall: 123/439

Age group 0-99 Female : 59/299

9:37 mile average

Erin : 32:41

Overall : 189/439

Age group 0-99 female : 105/299

10:33 mile average

Next race: 12 days Apple Valley 5k through Gross' Orchard in Bedford, VA. I hear it is a most scenic race.

More Stuff About Run For Their Lives

2009-10-25T12:04:00.001-04:00

Photos of the race far better than mine. I'm actually in the second to last one, off to the right in a black tank top. You can play where's Alexis and try to find me. Or not. Still looking for official race results.

Race Results

2009-10-24T20:50:00.005-04:00

This morning I ran my second 5k. Todd, my sister, my brother's girlfriend and 800 other runners particpated in the first Annual Run For Their Lives 5k. It was a big event and I realize I like it better that way. It is more motivating I think, at least for me. Our race dues went to 'free' Thai women from sexual slavery which is about the best cause I have found yet for our races.

As in the previous races I had two goals set for myself. No walking and to complete the race in under 31 minutes. I did not walk at all and I even felt like I did better than just a jog the entire time. Also, with thanks to my wonderful and motivating husband who met me at the last few hundred meters, I made it in under 30 minutes. I think my time was 29:43 but the exact race results haven't been posted. Todd did the race in 24:16.

My brother's girlfriend beat me but she says I pushed her. I'm not sure whether she's being literal though because I literally ran into her across the finish line because my husband coaxed me into sprinting the last 100 meters and I ran right into about three people crossing the finish line. They didn't seem to notice. My sister also did awesome, completeing her first ever race in under 33 minutes.

The race was more flat than the other races we have done and our next race is a trail 5k in two weeks, I hope that my time doesn't go in the opposite direction but we shall see. The weather was supposed to be yucky today, as it has been at all three races this year. But the rain wasn't too heavy and was actually nice at times.

left to right; Jordan (brother's girlfriend), Todd, me and Erin (my sister)

Notice the writing on our arms? Those are the names of the women we were running for. Jordan doesn't seem to want to get too close to Todd.

Oh, maybe that's why.

Bailey really, really wanted to run. After the race she was running everywhere. Swinging her arms and everything. I thought it was adorbale, but hey I'm her mom.

Thanks to Ed who watched the kids for us while we ran and for taking pictures of us during and after the race. Unfortunately, the sight of me in a tank top is not really blog worthy. OK, maybe it is but not in a build my self esteem sort of way.

Be Back Soon

2009-10-24T07:11:00.002-04:00

I'm going to run out and free some Thai Prostitutes this morning.

At least that's what is says here.

We'll let you know how we did. I'm shooting for under 31 minutes, and I'm running with my sister and someday sister-in-law to be (hopefully) so that should be motivating. I hope.

Wanted: Time Machine

2009-10-14T07:31:00.002-04:00

Lately I have been struggling with balance. I haven't fallen over the dog or tripped down the stairs, but I am finding I just don't have time for everything I want to do and I can't decide whether to just try harder, go faster or re-prioritize.

Since having Sean I have read no more than two books a month and I am in two book groups, so that doesn't leave me a lot or room. I take pictures but never seem to download them or open up my computer software to play with them. I am baking and cooking more but I am mopping my floor in sections just to get it clean. I want to run, but I want to have a nice hot bath afterwards, there just isn't time for it all. No matter how I plan my day there a tons of surprises and often things take longer than I ever thought they would.

I wish I had more hours in my day. I wish I didn't have to sleep. I wish I had a time machine. Or even better a time turner like Hermione Granger, an extra hour here or there is truly all I ask. I know that as a mom of three, especially three this little, that I should be happy that I get to do anything for myself, but I want to believe that I can do it all; that I can be a great mom and be good to myself.

I am spending time every day considering how to manage all my interests with my responsibilities. I will admit that I would rather do the things I enjoy (baking) over the things that have to get done (cleaning). The other night I decided I would bake my Zucchini Bread and while it was baking I would mop the floors. Then Sean had a bout of Colic or Gas or just all around fussiness and I ended up sitting on the bed with him until we both fell asleep. No bread for breakfast, no clean floors. But then he won't be this little for long and his smiles are far more enjoyable than clean rooms or fresh baked goods, so what's the problem?

The problem is, I still want to read a good book, try out a new recipe, run at the park, and capture the leaves turning. And I feel guilty whenever I choose these things and let the ring around my tub remain.

So I want to know, how do you do it all? What if anything do you sacrifice? What do you wish you had more time to do? If I find a time machine on e-bay, do you want to go 50-50?

On Today's Agenda

2009-10-13T08:11:00.001-04:00

Shortly after Sean was born my mother-in-law's significant other had a heart attack. Feeling ever so grateful for all the help and meals I had during my first few weeks postpartum I took this opportunity to start paying it forward. When I called my mother-in-law however, I was surprised at how much of his diet had been restricted. As she went over all the things he could no longer have or had to cut back on significantly I began to realize just how lacking our own diets have become.

Many of the things she told me I was aware of, I just hadn't taken into account when it came to meal preparation. The most startling to me however, was how much sodium I am eating when it comes to canned foods, especially broth. Being a vegetarian we use vegetable stock and broth, but there isn't a wide selection to be found, Walmart for example carries no vegetable broth. The vegetable broth in my pantry, bought at the local Kroger, has 890mg of sodium or 37% of your daily allowance in one cup of broth. I decided right there on the phone I was going to make my own broth.

After a little researching on the web, I found that you can pretty much put anything and everything in broth. Also, I found that the sodium is a fraction of that found in the can and you can even leave salt out completely if you dare and that it is also a fraction of the cost, especially if you save vegetable trimmings from other meals to use in future broths. Yesterday afternoon I did my first batch of broth, having really no idea what I was doing as there isn't really a recipe for broth that I could find. The house smelt wonderful as it was cooking.
It made about 7 plus cups of broth. I saved out 1 1/2 cups for our delicious mashed potatoes, put two cups in a freezer bag and froze the rest in ice cube trays which I later transferred to a big freezer bag.

The mashed potatoes were as good as always though I do think I will add more vegetables in the future to my broth as the flavor was there but not strong.

Later in the day I steamed and pureed carrots for a recipe from Jessica Seinfeld's 'Deceptively Delicious' cookbook. This morning I woke up early and made the Applesauce Muffins that called for applesauce and carrots along with other wholesome things like old fashioned Oats. They look very pretty, but they are less than yummy. Bailey ate one, Coop said no thanks. I myself found them to be fine, but nothing I look forward to making again because of all the preparation work involved. I am after my first recipe from her cookbook, not convinced about being deceptive with vegetables or about it being delicious.

First time for everything.

2009-10-12T10:06:00.003-04:00

This weekend we ran our first 5k race. I had found it on a local running website and decided that two weeks between my first ever 4 miler and my first ever 5k sounded like a great plan, even though I doubt it really was. A 5k is roughly 3.1 miles, so I figured if I could do a 4 mile race I could do a 5k. We registered for the race even though our knees and calves were still sore from the 4 and 10 mile races.

This race was so different, and not in a great way. At the big race two weeks ago there were people from other states and countries. There were 1900 runners and 500 volunteers. There were friends and family out in record numbers to support their friends and family. My point, it was easy to get lost in the crowd. I liked that.

This weekend Todd and I were two of less than 80 people running the first annual Hundreds of Feet 5k in Bedford, Va in support of the Bedford Hospice House. It was obvious upon arrival that we were amongst real runners at this race. I was more than nervous as my competitive nature can be unrivaled at times, even when I don't have much in competitive ability.

I tried for the first few minutes to keep Todd's pace which was not a good idea. I just can't match his long strides and running too fast at the beginning of a race can make you expend too much energy too soon. As more and more runners past me by I began to get a little discouraged so I focused inwards to my own goals. I had two this time, no secret goals. To not walk at all and to finish in 36 minutes.

The course was through some 'winding Bedford neighborhoods with moderate rolling hills' which meant two big hills. It's hard to find flat ground around here on which to race. I did my best to keep a good pace but halfway through all I wanted was to walk. I finally succumbed and began to walk at a brisk pace at about the two mile point. This is when I took a moment to take in my surroundings. There were runners in front of my with a distance of about 50 yards and runners behind me at about 100 yards. I felt that it was pretty obvious that I was the last of the true runners. I decided that whether or not I finished in the time I had allotted myself, that I needed to run. So I picked up my feet and did the best I could. At the end though, all I wanted was to walk and as I passed the finish line I again felt dry heaves, but I had alas finished the race with only about 1 minute of walking. However, I was overall very pleased with my time. I finished my first 5k in 32:23. This will be my baseline on which I plan to improve for further 5ks, which there is another one Saturday after next.

Todd finished the race in 25:05, he came in third in his age division. He will tell you it wasn't hard with so few runners (about half were runners, half were walkers) but he really did very well.

The winner of the race, a 20 year old Jordan Whitlock who came in 21st at the 10 miler two weeks ago, finished the race in 17 minutes and then ran the course again just for fun.

Can you screw up pumpkin bread?

2009-10-08T12:44:00.002-04:00

No.

When I was pregnant with Sean I was large and hot (it was summer time there at the end) and I did very little cooking. Very little. We ate out quite often. But as soon as I had Sean I wanted to be in the kitchen cleaning and cooking. The cleaning thrill has left but I am still really into cooking, now that I can reach the sink and lean over to get pots out. Yesterday, I decided that I was going to do some cooking and baking while the kids napped.

I did a little recipe researching and then decided to make my own pumpkin bread recipe. With a little whole wheat flour, a little white. A little sugar, a little applesauce. A lot of pumpkin. A lot of spices. It made a lot of batter, enough for two loaves and 24 mini muffins. I topped one load with a struesel topping. I baked it all up and then indulged.

All afternoon.

I have decided that perhaps you just can't screw up pumpkin bread. I just love this time of year. Apple muffins, banana bread, pumpkin bread. There are just so many possibilities.

A few things I would like to know

2009-10-08T07:40:00.003-04:00

How does one successfully peel a hard boiled egg? I have never been much for making Deviled Eggs because they look hideous. But as part of a healthier lifestyle I thought I would eat a hard boiled egg as a snack occasionally. I am finding that it is some sort of workout just to get them peeled. Am I cooking them wrong? Is there some sort of trick?

What does one usually use a Mortar and Pestle for? Does the average cook need one?

What size/type vehicle do the Duggars have? Do they just drive a school bus? Apparently if we have more children a suburban may not work for us according to the highly educated and well informed. I thought Suburbans were for big families with loads and loads of kids and cargo.

To be a morning person do you have to be born that way? Is there something I can do to make me a more likable morning person? I would really like to get up before the kids and get a few things done...

Should I skip the egg, grind my own coffee beans and make espressos at 5 a.m.?

Of course, then I will need to know how to make espresso...

I've got to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time.

2009-10-07T08:07:00.002-04:00

Before I had Sean I had some extra weight I was carrying around that I really didn't need anymore that I was looking to get rid of. Just as I got serious about the idea though, I learned I was pregnant and pregnancy is no time to be trying to unload extra weight. So I happily packed on more weight where there was already plenty.

But as soon as Sean was born I was determined to lose the 35 lbs I had gained since having the twins, both pregnancy weight and cherry-coke-with-a-side-of-frozen-burrito weight. With six weeks of being very diligent I have at long last lost those 35 lbs. They must make me look quite a bit different because at every turn I have people asking me what am I doing to lose 'all that weigh'.

Well the first thing I am doing? Not drinking 1200 calories of Cherry Coke a day. Seriously folks, I am an addict and I was drinking more than half the calories a person should consume a day in sugary soda. I would love to tell you that I have given up soda completely...but I'm an addict. I have switched to diet soda and because it doesn't taste quite as good I am naturally drinking less soda overall.

Secondly, I am running. I am really, really, really, trying harder than ever before to be a runner. Yesterday I jogged and ran for 35 minutes without stopping. That is a personal record for me. I am slowly but surely overcoming the "I can't run" mentality. I don't run very fast, but one thing at a time please.

Thirdly, I am watching what I eat. I am trying to choose whole wheat bread over white bread. Low sodium over higher sodium. Sticking to portion sizes. I am eating BMLT's (Fake bacon, mayonnaise, lettuce and tomato) at lunch, (yes, mayonnaise is bad but a girl has to have a little taste in her food) or a cheese sandwich. I am trying to choose healthy snacks like apples and hard boiled eggs over cheese sticks and cookies. But it's hard. Hard. Especially for me. I love food, good food, bad for you food. I think healthy food is often a waste of my time and that I would rather just not eat. But I have to consume enough calories to not harm my milk production and I need to set a good example for my three kids, especially in a world where our waistlines are increasing on average all the time. So I am trying to eat healthy just as hard as trying to become a runner.

However, it isn't easy and I feel as though what I am eating is consuming too many of my thoughts because it isn't natural for me to eat such health consciously. And sometimes, I will admit, I fall of the wagon so to speak. Last night, after a fairly healthy course of meals I had fried french fries. Yes, Erin, the Deep Fryer was not yet put away and we feel drawn to it like magnets on a fridge. And then afterwards, a Ghiradelli brownie which is the epitome of my sinful indulgences.

So I was feeling a little guilty this morning. I didn't even sit in for my weekly weigh in, I might not even be down 35 lbs anymore. That's why at 6 a.m. I emptied the deep fryer, soaked it, scrubbed it and put it away in the back of a cabinet. I should have put it with the Goodwill stuff but alas I'm not Jillian Michaels, I'm me and I like fried foods occasionally, so shoot me.

But I have to think I'm moving in the right direction. And when people ask me what I'm doing differently, I tell them 'everything'. It seems to be the only way.

Today by the numbers

2009-10-06T12:36:00.004-04:00

Cups of coffee: 1

Miles run: 2.7

Photos taken: 0

New cars thinking about buying: 1

Cars thinking about selling: 2

Slices of tomato on sandwich at lunch: 4

Strollers that don't fit in Sequoia: 1

Loads of laundry folded: 4

Loads left: 4

Children napping: 3

I think it's pretty obvious what I need to do.

Take pictures of the laundry.

I get a little carried away and never come back sometimes.

2009-10-04T20:11:00.002-04:00

I have come to realize, as you may or may not have, that I get very carried away with a thing or two and focus much of my energy on that thing or two. For example, this time last year, as you may remember, it was my photography. This year, it is running.

The thing is, that I still really want to explore my photographic abilities, it just got even harder when I got pregnant. Now I realize that is just an excuse and not even a very good one so I will have to prioritize better. I have to decide which things I really want to make time for in our busy lives and which things are just going to have to be passed up for the time being.

Once upon a time, for example, I was a bass player and I liked to write songs. Then I just stopped. Or at least it feels that way. Every now and again I would visit my old jazz bass and play around a bit, but I wasn't getting any better because I wasn't really devoting any of my time to it. Then I stopped visiting my bass completely, I packed it far into the corner of the junk room and then moved into the basement, where it may rest eternally.

I really don't want that to be the case with my photography. I just got sidetracked a bit. My computer with my photo software up and died on me a few months back and my artistic life hasn't been the same since. I must find time, scratch that, I must take time and find a place for that endeavor.

In other news, I called the company about the stroller, they didn't grovel at my feet or beg me to keep my massive stroller, but they did send me a new frame (which SHOULD be here tomorrow), this time a triplette frame, without yet receiving the duette frame back, in addition they are also sending me a postage paid tag for the item that needs to be returned. With my plan of running everywhere, I should find the time to take a few pictures, right?

A girl can at least hope.

Getting up is hard to do.

2009-09-30T15:02:00.002-04:00

I successfully ran the 4 miler this past weekend and have a packet of race entry forms for upcoming races hanging on my refrigerator as I type but with the stroller mix-up and days growing shorter, I have already been slacking off. I did force myself to run last night for a half hour on the treadmill, but the treadmill has just never felt the same as running outside. I want to be able to see my progress and pace myself with the distance I am covering which just doesn't feel the same on a treadmill. I want to feel the breeze on my skin and the pavement under my cheap running shoes.

But alas, it has begun to get dark at a little after seven and one of us does have a job that keeps us away until after 5 most days. Soon the days will seem even shorter and the air a little too cool to take three small tots out into. But I must force myself to continue to train.

The days are short and our lives busy but that isn't the only thing standing in my way. I am an anti-runner by nature, I want to give up as soon as I am out of breathe or when my side begins to ache. These are the bigger things I am having to overcome. Everyone runner I have spoken with says that perseverance is key and that eventually I will be able to run long distances. I just have to want it bad enough. Fortunately, the high from completing the 4 miler is still pulsing through me and at the present I really do feel I want it bad enough.

The first 5k we are considering running is only next weekend and I haven't decided if I should get a few more weeks of training under my belt or just jump right in next weekend and see how well I do.

Of course we haven't figured out our babysitting situation for our upcoming races. My brother and his girlfriend were ever so kind to come out Saturday to the race and watch our three kids, but how often can I really ask them to follow us to different races and watch our children. On the plus side, a 5k should take less time, but I still feel it's asking a lot to have others watch our children. Also, I am extremely picky when it comes to who I will let watch our children. There are only a handful of family and even fewer friends who I feel comfortable enough with to have them care for our children.

But I can't let these little dilemmas stand in the way. I must keep focused on my goals. But getting up from the computer and putting on my workout gear (which includes an Under Armor bra I can't even put on by myself) can be just so hard to do.

Because I left this song on repeat for over an hour yesterday.

2009-09-29T13:17:00.001-04:00

Mad as a hatter.

2009-09-29T10:51:00.002-04:00

I am not really sure if that title works, but then I am not really sure how to convey just how mad I am.

You see I have three children under 20 months. That's a lot of rug rats any way you look at it, especially in this day, but it seems like more than three any time I attempt to leave the house. You see you have to make sure they are all properly full so you don't have to feed them while you're out and you have to give them cups, so they don't get thirsty. You have to change their diapers so you don't have to attempt the four of you going into the tiny handy cap stall at Target. You have to stock the diaper bag with snacks, because even with full bellies they'll want something, and have diapers, because with the cups they're sure to still need a change. Then if you're breastfeeding you may have to pump if you aren't comfortable about nursing in public. Then you have to put shoes on...everyone. By this point you'll be needing a nap, but you haven't even made it to the car yet. Getting all three into the car will involve something near acrobatics, but you will eventually manage and be on your way. But once you get to where you're going, you'll wonder how you alone will manage getting all three safely in and out of your target destination.

Eventually you will come to realize that a triple stroller is in order even though you really shouldn't spend that much money, but you will start to think about Andrea Yeats and Susan Smith and decide it really is just money and you would really like to keep your sanity. So with losing only a few hours sleep on the subject you will hit confirm order on the world's most expensive Italian stroller, hoping those wheels really do stay on.

Or at least that's what I did. But trying to be thrifty I bought it at a site offering 10% off, which was without giving the price of my purchase away, over $100 in savings. I should have known something was up when the confirmation page said something along the lines of we'll be in touch. When after four days I hadn't gotten a following email about shipping dates I emailed the company. They emailed me within 24 hours to let me know the item had been shipped. It was to arrive yesterday.

We live in the sticks and I waited all day anxiously for the UPS guy because I really wanted my stroller. Finally, at 6:45 p.m., the stroller arrived in two boxes. Todd commented that one of the boxes, the one with the stroller frame or chassis, wasn't long enough to be already put together. I argued that you didn't spend that much money to have to assemble your own stroller. We were both right. It wasn't long enough but it was already assembled. Upon removing the stroller and assembling the wheels we realized, all too late, that we had indeed received a 'duette' chassis, not a 'triplette' chassis. I was so disappointed and upset that I immediately went to call the company to find that there is not a single number on their website, you have to file all complaints via email. I cannot sufficiently raise hell in an email, without resorting to ALL CAPS.

I was so mad I felt almost sick to my stomach. Because my credit card has been charged, I have an opened stroller that I have to package back up, take to UPS (see above on how much fun this will certainly be) and wait for them to receive the item before I can get a refund (which their site says could take 2-3 weeks) before ordering a new one someplace else for more than $100 more.

And all this time I am thinking why didn't we take a child spacing class or something. We will ultimately be rewarded for having our children so close together right?

Right?

The Little Engine that Could

2009-09-26T23:21:00.003-04:00

Today I ran a red light in front of four police officers.

Fortunately for me, the road I was on was closed, I was on foot and the police officers were volunteering for the Virginia 4 and 10 miler races. That's right, I successfully accomplished my goal, I ran, walked and jogged the 4 miler earlier today. It was no easy task, Lynchburg's nickname is Seven Hills and I think I ran on every one of those hills this morning, but it was extremely invigorating and ultimately rewarding. Running amidst 1900 other runners was amazing. There is something about being involved in this sort of event that is even further motivating, just as I'd hoped.

I had set out two goals for myself for today's race. I am very happy to inform you that I accomplished both goals. The first was a tad bit silly, I will admit. I was very concerned about finishing last. I don't know why but coming in last was just not going to do for me. I ran three miles the other night in 36 minutes and decided that I wouldn't indeed finish last. So I set a new goal of completeing the four miles in under 50 minutes.

Where we have been training is relatively flat and the course, which included four of the most hilly miles in Lynchburg, was anything but flat. I figured this would slow me down as I don't take on hills very well and sure enough a mile and a half in a very intimidating hill slowed me to a walking pace. Of course, I only allowed myself the luxury of walking because so many other people were. You see, I am extremely competitive, even when I am not really as fit as everyone else. I didn't want to let other runners see me walking and this, I'm sure, helped me reach my second goal.

The last half mile though, what a trek it seemed. I really didn't know whether or not I would make it. Here's where I should tell you, I suppose, about my third 'secret' goal of doing the 4 miles in under 47 minutes. I hadn't told anyone but I had decided that 47 minutes or under was really where I wanted to come in at. So at the end of the race when I thought I wasn't going to come in under that time, and with the big time clock in view, I sprinted the last 300 feet, which resulted in my almost losing my breakfast. Luckily for the people taking the time chips and handing out finishing medals, I didn't eat any breakfast. Otherwise, it may not have been so pretty.

But I am happy to announce, that I did indeed reach all of my goals today. I came in at 45:45 for my first ever race. Sure a lot of people came in ahead of me and I ranked almost bottom for my age group, but I am ecstatic and ready to begin training for my first 5k in a few short weeks.

Todd also did well. He completed the 10 miler in 95 minutes.

Wish us luck.

2009-09-25T13:51:00.003-04:00

Often times I have big dreams and aspirations but life gets in the way and days flash by into weeks and months and those plans are passed by. I know I have mentioned my interest in running before, but I haven't been motivated by enough to stick with it. When I got pregnant I gave up any exercise for the most part until I was ready to go into labor. A month before Sean was born we began walking 3-5 miles a few times a week at the Black Water Creek trail here in Lynchburg. I decided that after the baby was born, I really needed to take it up a notch.

Fortunately, I had a good easy delivery and my doctor gave me the green light to begin exercise whenever I felt up to it, which was at about two weeks. We've headed to Black Water Creek at least three times a week since then. Todd had decided to run Lynchburg's annual 10 miler race and wanted to get some training in, I had just had a baby and wanted to lose 35 lbs.

Now three weeks later and 31 lbs. lighter I have a secret to share with you. I have registered to run this weekend's 36th annual 4 miler race (the same day and time Todd runs the 10 miler). Why is it a secret? Well, to be honest, because I have no real faith in my self or my ability to do very well in the race. Why have I decided to come out? Because I realize I am a little nutty and I could use some added motivation for the race that begins in 19 hours exactly.

I don't think I will set any records, but I don't foresee myself finishing dead last either, but that really isn't the point to why I am racing. I have decided that the need to exercise for health and well being isn't enough to motivate me. I need something to be training towards, I need something competitive in nature to make me put on those two sports bras and get moving. I have decided, in addition to this weekends race, that I also want to run a 5k at the end of October, and possibly another one in November. I am hoping that signing up and paying the dues for these races will keep me motivated and goal oriented.

Small goals. That's currently my focus. Tomorrow for instance I want to finish the race. Sure I would love to do it in a timely fashion, but I did just have a baby five weeks ago, and have only been training for a few short weeks. I will worry with time goals later. Tiny baby steps.

It's Been a Bad Day

2009-09-24T11:02:00.004-04:00

OK, so I know it's only 11 a.m. but I already feel the world is against me on this fine second day of Fall. I am falling behind on sleep as I am failing to illustrate the benefits of sleeping at night with Sean as I probably let him sleep too much during the day so that I may survive life with our toddlers underfoot. It's a vicious cycle that I am don't know how to fix. So when I woke up at 6 a.m. this morning I wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep after feeding Sean. Only problem was I knew the kitchen was a mess because nowadays it's always a mess in the morning because I can't seem to stay up at night after the children are all finally asleep to clean it.

So my plan was to wake up, clean the kitchen and make homemade waffles (which I'd never done) for the family on my new Waffle maker, as my old one went kaput a week or so ago. Well, they were a lot of work, I mean who knew it could be so difficult to whip egg whites to stiff peaks and gently fold them into a not so fluid batter? I feel I should have taken home-ec, no? So all this work, flour on the flour, buttermilk in my hair, and a less than wow result. And the kids? They rewarded me by crying that the waffles weren't the frozen Strawberry variety.

The playroom is a mess. I let the kids play in their unaware of a box of crayons hidden on a top shelf. Apparently, they can reach the top shelf so now there is blue crayon on everything so the playroom is off limits until I can turn it right side up and confiscate any more crayons, chalk, etc. that I may have forgotten were in there. All I can say is thank you Crayola, your crayons are apparently delicious and fortunately, for me, also washable. So with the playroom off limits until after nap the kids were hanging out with me. I let them play with dirty laundry, am I just not the best mom ever? I went to the bathroom and in a few short minutes the dirty laundry became very boring and the DVDs irresistible. I came back in five minutes or less later and there was dirty laundry and DVDs strewn everywhere. I picked my toddlers up, toted them upstairs, changed their diapers (I am not completely awful) and put them down for a nap. At 10:30 a.m.

Just in case you start judging my every move I realize this is all my fault. I should never have allowed crayons to be left in the playroom. I should never let them play with laundry, clean or dirty. I should not have gone to the bathroom, that was just silly. I'm the one who needs a nap.

On a good note, they didn't resist or cry and I would have known because I forgot to close their door on my way out. So they needed a nap possibly as much as I feel I do. It's just that I'm having one of those days where try as I might to be the 'good' mom I come off feeling like the worst mom ever before noon.

Four weeks

2009-09-17T13:37:00.002-04:00

Two days before Sean was born I was asked by another mother if I was ready for my cesarean, and I felt I was with one major exception, I wasn't sure if I was ready for the change in myself. I knew that overnight I would be going from who I'd been, a pregnant, mother of two, to a newer self' a no longer pregnant, mother of three and all that this new life would bring. It was far more difficult adjusting from being pregnant to being a new mother of twins just 20 months ago, I fell into a funk, not necessarily postpartum depression, but definitely a postpartum funk, and it lasted for quite sometime, about eleven weeks I believe. So I was, four short weeks ago, a little worried about my ability to cope with my new self and my new responsibilities.

I am happy to report that I am well. Sure, I wish I had more patience, spoke a little softer when Bailey shoves Cooper, and of course a third arm would be wonderful. But all in all, I am happy, I am well, I am adjusted. I have had a lot of help these past four weeks, help in many ways and I feel that with the departure of my sister-in-law yesterday, is for the most part gone. I am weary that the world that has emerged may start to shake now that I am all alone from 7-5, but in some form or another, we will survive, mostly (I hope) unscathed, as a happy and functioning family of 5.

It's good to not miss being pregnant, to not feel the level of exhaustion that accompanied newborn twins, to really know that this too will pass, so I'd better damn well enjoy those ten tiny precious fingers now before they are used to perhaps shove an older sister or smack an older brother. Being a second time around mom is like having already been to Disneyland and knowing which rides are worth going to first thing and which things should be skipped entirely. If only trips to Disneyland didn't seem to fly by so fast.

And like I've said before, as long as there is nap time, I know I will survive.

Baby Sean's first week.

2009-08-27T12:18:00.006-04:00

I forgot that Blogger loads pictures backwards so these are in the opposite order in which they were taken. This is Sean as of yesterday afternoon.

Big brother Cooper and Big sister Bailey, who mostly think that Sean is pretty cool. First thing in the morning they want to know where exactly he is.
Bailey and Daddy with Sean.
First time holding Sean after he was cleaned up. Todd isn't in the picture because he is too nice to ask someone to take a picture of all three of us.
First photo.
This first week has gone so amazingly well, I couldn't have hoped for a better first week. Not having to recover from surgery has made the transition almost a breeze. There are times when three kids are all wanting something from me and other than breaking my heart a little, we survive. Mainly at meal times this is a problem. Sean is nursing well with one major exception. In order to get him to latch on I have to use a frustrating nipple shield, but don't worry the La Leche League understands that someone in my situation may have to, and their book says that some babies need them for weeks or several months. I am hoping that I can wean him from it sooner, but at least he's nuring exclusively and that means more to me than having to use the silly little device. He loves to sleep...during the day. However, I am getting about 5 hours of sleep a night and that seems to be sufficing for now.

We have been above and beyone fortunate in the amount of help we have recevied this past week. My brother, his girlfriend, my mother-in-law and countless friends have helped out by babysitting, cleaning, cooking and coming to just visit and entertain Bailey and Cooper. We have had every dinner prepared for us since Sunday and will continue to have meals brought for almost another week with a few days fit in for leftovers, thanks to the moms at Romp 'N Roll who decided that they would get together a group to feed us for two weeks. It has been awesome, awesome, awesome. They have made this week go by fast and guaranteed that my sanity remain, for the most part, completely in tact. In a few short days Todd's sister is coming for two weeks. My only fear is that we will become so used to her help, that after two weeks, we won't be willing to let her leave.

So all in all, life as a family of 5 has been pretty blissful.

Belly Shots

2009-08-27T12:08:00.002-04:00

I meant to get these posted earlier but they were taken at 10p.m the night I went into labor, so you'll have to excuse their tardiness. These are less than 24 hours before Sean was born. Can't believe that was only a week ago.

Post Partum Fun

2009-08-25T10:36:00.003-04:00

Today I feel...well...how should I put it. Maybe with a picture?

Yep, that about sums it up.

Introducing number three...

2009-08-22T20:36:00.001-04:00

Thursday was our planned c-section. We were to arrive at the hospital at 5:30 a.m. and be in surgery by 7:30. Wednesday I had gone to my final appointment where my doctor checked me one more time because I had been having more episodes of rhythmic contractions and said that it would be at least my due date (Aug 27th) or later before this baby came and he was already big. She suggested we stick with the c-section and I agreed. Well, that afternoon and evening I began to have frequent painful contractions. At 1 am I awoke to very painful cramps and a backache accompanied by more rhythmic contractions. I began timing them at 1:57 and they were 3-4 minutes apart. Thinking it was just false labor, I tried to struggle through. By 3:30 however, I was exhausted and worried, thinking I would be going into a c-section without any sleep. Todd woke up and told me we should go to the hospital, but I being irrational, told him no, I was in false labor because my doctor told me it would be at least another week or two before my body would go into labor.

However, by 4:30 I couldn't breathe, walk or talk through any of the contractions, they were lasting over sixty seconds and coming almost one right after another. I couldn't take a bath or drink any water because of the c-section so I decided, having never gone into labor naturally, that maybe this was the real deal. We headed to the hospital. Several times on the way over I just clutched the car door handle and struggled throught the contractions, having to ask Todd to remind me what we'd just been saying a minute earlier when they passed.

We arrived at the hospital at 5 am and checked in. I told the lady at the registration desk I thought I might be in labor. She had a wonderful story that this had just happened to someone recently and they were able to VBAC. I told her that I was not overly optimistic that this would be my fate. However as soon as I arrived in the pre-op room my nurse asked me if I wanted her to 'check' me. I said sure, but again I was not very optimistic that I was in labor. Really, I must have been in denial. She checked me and checked my chart and told me that I had made a major change since my appointment the previous morning. She thought I should try for a VBAC. Following this she got excited, went and talked to the doctor on call and tried to call my doctor who was in route to do the c-section. She came back telling me that the doctor on call thought I should go for a VBAC and that she thought I should too. I told her I would wait and get the advice of my doctor. My doctor arrived at 7:15 and came in telling me that she would love the morning off and that I was getting what I wanted. I wasn't sure if I should be thrilled or hesitant. I agreed to be moved to a Labor and Delivery room, but I wouldn't let the idea of a c-section ultimately happening leave my mind.

My doctor broke my water to move things along and I got an epidural at 9:15. Unfortunately, it didn't feel right going in and though it worked at first it began to wear off immediately despite their giving me more and more. By 11:30 my back was hurting at the epidural site and I was honestly frightened that I had made a serious mistake in getting the epidural. It was at this point that my brother and his girlfriend brought by the children. I felt really bad when my own children were frightened to come near me. I finally convinced my nurse that I could easily move my legs and that my back was growing more and more painful. A second anesthiologist came in and a second epidural was administered. Within twenty minutes I was feeling NOTHING. I know some people aren't for epidurals, I will just say that the second one was lovely. At 1:15 p.m. I was checked again and only 6 cm. The nurse said it could be an hour or several hours, Todd was beginning to doubt my choice of opting for the VBAC. I was itching and given Benedryl that did little but make me drowsy.

I finally decided that laying flat with the epidural was doing very little to move labor along and asked if I could be moved to as upright a position as possible at 2 p.m. The nurse said that was fine. Within minutes my contractions were becoming more intense so that I could just barely feel them. At 3 my nurse came in and told me they were switching nurses. She said she wished she could have helped deliver the baby, I told her I wish she had too. She told me that she was confident that I would successfully VBAC and wished us luck. Our new nurse happened to be the very same nurse that was there when Cooper was born. She went about checking my vitals and I told her that I was feeling a lot of pressure, knowing that I'd read about this type of pressure before and that it often means you're fully dialated. She asked me if I wanted to be checked even though I wasn't due to be checked for a little while longer. She looked at me and said 'you're complete'. At this point two things happened. Our nurse set about getting the proper tables and tools set up and my mother-in-law showed up. I told her it was great timing, now leave. OK, it went something like that, I was however on drugs. At 3:40 the pushing began. I won't go into all the gorey details but 25 minutes later, at 4:05, Sean was born, weighing 8 LBS 12 OZ. They had warned me he was going to be big, but he turned out to be bigger than even the doctors and nurses had guessed. He was only 20 and a half inches long.

I had a wonderful doctor, not my own doctor, but from what I've been told, the best in the practice and a wonderful set of nurses who allowed me to keep Sean in my room so that I could nurse him. He didn't leave my side at all and was given his eye treatment and Vitamin K shot in my arms and his first bath with us close by. It meant alot that he never had to leave me and Todd wheeled him to our room in Mother Baby.

The experience thus far has been so completely different that before I cannot even begin to explain all the differences. I cannot say much about Bailey and Cooper's deliveries except that they were far worse than that which I had imagined. Sean's delivery however, came as another surprise, but this time the surprise was in our favor. I have been able to move around since one hour after delivery with thanks to my nurse and my mother-in-law and my persistence to get up as soon as possible. I have taken nothing more than a motrin. I can do stairs and sleep on my side. I had to have a c-section and almost had to have another and I will never make any judgement on those who have to have a c-section, but I am so truly thankful that Sean's labor began in the middle of the night. I'm ready for our fourth any time, maybe we'll even have a fifth.

Things have gone easier this time around even though now there are three, and we haven't had a night at home, but I feel more rested and content going into these first few postpartem weeks. Nursing hasn't been perfect, but I am optimistic that it will be successful and I know that even if it isn't that we have good, sound options to offer Sean.

Sean sleeps nonstop and I am always trying to wake him to feed him, often times unsuccessfully. Bailey and Cooper seem excited about the baby but seem to be harboring a grudge at our absence even if the lady in charge gave them unlimited juice, doubtfully watered down.

The only thing were not sure about is the child's name. He is currently Sean August Orion. August is my paternal grandfather's middle name. Cooper's middle name is also a grandfather's name. However, everyone seems to think that August is because of the month. I am not sure that I want to explain this for the rest of our lives. We are contemplating a name change already, but I don't know how easily that will be. I want to change it to Sean Michael Scott but my husband is resistent, something about some television character with the same name.

I will try and post a picture here in the next day or so.

8 Years

2009-08-18T11:41:00.001-04:00

Happy Anniversary Todd.

I love you, too.

Any minute now.

2009-08-13T15:12:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was my final ultrasound. When the baby is as big as this baby, there really isn't much to make out because things like his face are hidden and his profile is too large to be depicted on the ultrasound screen. But is was still nice to see his beating heart and to have it confirmed, yet once more, that he is definitely a he. According to the ultrasound, which the tech said could be off as much as a half pound either way, puts him at 7 lbs 15 oz. My doctor said that is smaller than she thought he was but that I have more amniotic fluid than normal and that may be why I am measuring as big as I am. Almost 8 lbs sounds HUGE to me, Bailey and Cooper were both 6 lbs 6 oz. The fact that they weighed almost 13 lbs together doesn't really make me feel any better about this ONE being almost 8 lbs. Everything looked good, his heartbeat seemed low to me but the tech said they only worry if there heartbeats go under 100, apparently 118-120 isn't too low.

The baby has dropped but that's about it for news reporting on going into labor and now I literally feel as though I have to go to the bathroom every ten minutes no matter how much or little I drink. I know that with a second baby the labor can go faster but I just don't really feel labor approaching any time soon. I have been blessed with Braxton Hicks contractions for months now and have only experienced, if anything, more intense ones lately. Not anything to get excited about.

I have, however, entered the cannot sleep stage. I consider myself very fortunate. With Bailey and Cooper I entered this stage at about 24 weeks. It was a long and difficult 3 rd trimester. If sleep deprivation doesn't show up until 38 weeks can you really complain about it? I figure, probably not. I did take advantage of nap time this afternoon which was nice, but almost assures that I will be up all night tonight. Can you take Tylenol PM when you are pregnant? Due to the lack of sleep I am reading a book every other day. This week, since Snow Flower and the Secret Fan I have read The Bean Trees, Speak and am due to finish Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets when sleep doesn't come tonight. I find this to be a great consolation that I can read this much now, when the new baby comes I won't be able to sleep well or read much for at least a few weeks.

I have two friends, whom I've only gotten to know this year, who are being quite wonderful about the new baby's arrival. They have offered to watch Bailey and Cooper if I go into labor and are willing and wanting to bring dinner to this vegetarian's home at least three times after we have the baby and have even offered to pick the twins up and take them to Romp and Roll for classes. Even if they don't do any of it their sentiments are very moving to me. I have a few other friends who have offered to help as well. The only problem is I cannot seem to ask for help. Even when I know I need it and really really want it. I keep thinking I need to get over this little idiotic hump of mine, that people wouldn't offer if they didn't want to help, but I just have a hard time accepting help and reaching out for more of it when I need it.

Several people have asked lately if I'm ready for this baby. This question seems harder for me to answer than explaining the quadratic equation. I mean it's so complicated and I think the easiest answer and possibly most accurate, is I really don't know. On the one hand I am ready to meet this little guy and have my stomach back, or at least one that barely resembles mine, so that I can reach down for the children and have them sit in my lap again. I'm ready to move forward as a family of 5. On the other hand, the concept of no longer being pregnant is actually a little depressing to me. I was overwhelmed with this feeling last time at least, which I didn't expect. I am hoping it doesn't hit me too hard this time, but babies are so much easier to care for in the womb.

Also, I cannot begin to explain how I feel like I am taking something away from Bailey and Cooper by having a new baby when they are only 19 months old, instead of the thought of giving them a new brother, I worry about their jealousies and their complicated minds taking in the new situation. I worry, I worry, I worry. Just another one of my beautiful character flaws.

So for now, I sit and wonder and worry and wait. It's driving me a little batty, I could use a little distraction. My mother-in-law is bringing dinner, I am sure she will do the trick and for this I will be grateful.

Goodbye John Hughes

2009-08-10T11:10:00.002-04:00

Earlier in the weekend I began working on a John Hughes post, then the phone rang or the dogs barked, or something, and that post got abandoned but I couldn't let Hughes death go by completely unacknowledged on my blog. So from one of his best...

Full Term

2009-08-06T09:39:00.003-04:00

I am officially full term whether you go with our original due date of the 20th or our second due date of the 27th. I haven't taken pictures of the belly since 20 weeks because I have been lazy and uninspired, but I really do plan on attempting some full term shots within the next few days. We didn't go for a walk yesterday because it is August here and every evening we seem to have severe thunderstorms that keep us indoors. So needless to say, here I am, still pregnant. Fortunately, I am not all that miserable.

This morning Bailey woke up with an awful fever. I have never had either of our children feel so hot to the touch. She just cried and cried, unless of course I put her down for a moment, then she screamed. I gave her Motrin and called Romp and Roll to cancel our morning class. She finally perked up, ate more breakfast than she has in a while and is gleaming as I let her walk around the house with her blanket. I'm just glad she's OK.

The spider from a day ago, he didn't go away. He just climbed into a jet in the tub and I got out and drained the water. Last night I got into the tub to begin reading Barbara Kingsolver's The Bean Trees, when what do I see out of the corner of my eye? The SAME spider. This time I got out and he again ended up in the water. I am mean and with child so I didn't let the inch or so of water out of the tub. This morning he was still in there floating. Did I technically kill him? Or did he drown of his own accord? I mean I didn't put him in the water, I just left the water in the tub. Either way I am hoping to have a nice calm and refreshing bath this evening.

While I should be cleaning, I will tell you...

2009-08-05T09:38:00.003-04:00

Bailey and Cooper are 19 months old today, oh where does the time go? They are becoming more and more independent, which is good for our upcoming arrival but sad to see just how quickly they grow.

Yesterday, we did two miles because we ran out of time to do anymore. I felt a lot better than the day before and only had three contractions the whole time. Then we went to our favorite Thai restaurant (OK, the ONLY Thai restaurant in our little city) and I ordered HOT Pineapple Rice. It was possibly the hottest thing I have ever eaten. I usually ask for mild or medium. It was delicious.

Yesterday, Todd called and asked if I was packing a bag. Surprised that he was aware of my actions, I answered yes and began searching the premises for a hidden camera. He told me I should be because it was 'lightning' outside. He had apparently misunderstood when I told him about 'lightening'.

I cleaned out my closet yesterday. I have done this three times since I got pregnant. I realize more and more how much I hate all of my clothes and I have realized, from wearing maternity clothes for six months, just how little clothes one can get by on. I have two more bags of clothes and a bag of flip flops. My closet still seems overfull.

Last night I tried to take a bath at 11:30. Then I looked up when there was about three inches of water in the tub and right beside my naked body was a lovely wolf spider. I tried to coax him away from the tub, because I can't kill him (remember that old superstition I told you about, the one my mom shared about killing spiders and killing people you love?). So what did he do? Jumped into the tub with me. I kept cool, no screaming. But tub time was over.

I woke, I think 5 times to go the bathroom, probably from all the water that followed the hot Thai food. I took another bath, this one spider free at 4 a.m. My love of being pregnant is dwindling.

I am really enjoying Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. I never really knew anything about foot binding. It seems far worse than I could ever imagined.

I'm having a hard time seeing how this was ever seen as beautiful.

Todd finally finished the driveway expansion and made enough room for our cars to fit. Even with the expansion I am having to get used to parking the Sequoia, I have only pulled in perfectly one time. However, loading the kids up feels a lot less stressful because they just walk around the garage and don't disappear among all the cars and trailers in the driveway, driving me crazy with worry, like they did before.

Tonight there is a full moon. Apparently, some people find/believe that full moons result in a spike in births. I don't know if it does make a difference. However, I am thinking three miles might be a goal for tonight. Of course, I know that if I go into labor I will only regret this decision. I will spend the next three weeks wishing I had just left well enough alone. But I'm stubborn and ever hopeful for a VBAC.

The Homestretch

2009-08-04T12:19:00.002-04:00

The children are finally napping so I thought, what the heck, I will give a shot at blogging. This inevitably means that my phone will now begin to ring, the dogs will bark at the UPS man and the children will be up and ready for me to make them something yummy, healthy and fulfilling for lunch and this post, like so many before it, will be forever abandoned.

Since I fear I don't have much time to chat with you, I will update on the imporatant things in life first.

So I didn't give anymore time to last month's book group selection and I went there hoping not to offend anyone with my opinions about the 80 pages I had read. Turns out, every other person also found it shallow and boring and only two people actually finished. Turns out my copy was an 'uncorrected proof' and everyone else had official copies, so no one else was quite so annoyed with typos. We have gone ahead and selected the next four months book selections and things are looking much better. This month's selection, Lisa See's Snow Flower and The Secret Fan, started off slowly but is really beginning to pick up. Then we will read a book I've been meaning to read (A Thousand Splendid Suns) and an old favorite of mine (The Things They Carried). The fourth selection is a book I've never even heard of, but after last months selection I am ready for just about anything. I have decided however, that historical fiction is one of my favorite genres, and chic lit is one of my least favorites.

What else? Well, there is that constant popping in my ears that is somewhat like the change in pressure you feel on an airplane, except that is happens several times a day for no reason. I am beginning to go crazy, as it is a most annoying infliction. If it hasn't resolved itself after the baby arrives I may need to see an ENT doctor. Holding my nose and blowing, chewing and swallowing, drops, none of these things have made any real difference and I can see no real pattern as to why this is happening. Just another thing to slowly drive me insane.

I am one day short of full term and the doctor continues to tell me that the baby is big. Really, really big. I have been scheduled for a c-section but ever since I was scheduled I have been regretting it. I have shared my thoughts and feelings with my doctor, who is very good and came highly recommended by an old friend of mine. She checked me at 35 weeks and I was only a cm dilated, but the baby is head down and she said I have plenty of 'pelvic room' which I think I understand her meaning. She just continues to worry that the baby is too big. How can the baby be that big, I wonder, I have only gained 10 lbs. Next week I am scheduled for a final ultrasound to determine, a little more accurately, but still not definite, how big the baby is currently (I will be 38 weeks). I am still holding on to my dreams of a VBAC, mainly because I am stubborn, stubborn, stubborn. And if I have a c-section this time it's a c-section from here on out. I have started walking as of yesterday to try and bring on labor naturally. We walked for 2 and a half miles. It took us about 45 minutes and I had contractions every 4-5 minutes. Painful and wave like. We loaded up the car to leave and within minutes the contractions were gone. But I'm stubborn, so we're going back tonight for more.

I have also not packed a bag, because I am crazy and I am hoping that will help me in my dreams of going into labor on my own. You know, if I'm not ready, surely he'll come early. This will almost definitely backfire on me as I've put too much thought into it already. My doctor is on vacation this week and my entire family (and everyone whom I would ask to watch Bailey and Cooper) are on vacation next week. I think there could be a chance I will go into labor on, say, Sunday, when everyone is gone.

I have one more story to tell you, but as I predicted, the phone rang and now someone is upstairs stirring around, so it will have to wait until later.

Sometimes the ratings on Goodreads are just not that accurate.

2009-07-28T15:38:00.002-04:00

I feel awful, just terrible, really downright pathetic. Why? Because for the first time since the induction of our book group in October I have failed to read the current month's selection before the bookgroup meeting.

Now I could tell you it's because I'm so big and pregnant, but that would be a lie. Because being so big and pregnant allows me to read more often because I can't do other stuff I normally would be doing. I could tell you it's because I've been too busy, but that too, I'm afraid would be a lie. I have actually read a book and a half this weekend (The Perks of Being a Wallflower and The Sorcerer's Stone).

I haven't read this month's book because I just couldn't. I mean I tried to, I really did. I spent over a week on it and only got 75 pages in, that to me is not a good sign. Even most books I find laborous go faster than that for me. But everything about the book was irritating me, I just had to stop. First off I had an uncorrected proof purchased from a seller on Amazon, and it was full of errors, which for some reason I find really annoying even though this post alone is probably full of grammatical errors and bad spelling.

So now in a few short hours I have to go to book group and tell a group of other women that not only could I not finish a book (the first time for me at book group), I have to tell someone who loves this book and has read it twice, why I didn't read this book.

I MUST be nesting

2009-07-17T12:47:00.002-04:00

I never had the nesting instinct with Bailey and Cooper. I was perfectly content to be as lazy as possible for 39 weeks. I actually let so many things fall into demise that it was pretty shameful. This morning I have been cleaning (for three hours now) a room that hasn't been cleaned in 2.5 years or before I became pregnant with the twins. No, it isn't the bathroom, that's just gross. It's the office actually. Maybe I will actually get some work done in there now. I guess this is what they mean by nesting?

All Good Things Must Come To An End

2009-07-06T21:09:00.003-04:00

So remember last week or so when I was venting about my large picture project of deleting, transfering and saving thousands of pictures onto my external harddrive? Well, it was perfect timing because I fear that my beloved Toshiba Satellite A105 is on it's last leg.

I haven't been able to completely diagnosis exactly what in tarnation is wrong with my computer, other than it is approaching three years in our household and that appears to be about the time that our computers just get down right sick of us. I want to blame Google Chrome, or that disk my sister-in-law sent me, or even my recent removing of the plastic protective sticker for the screen for the demise of my Satellite but it was probably a slow demise that I only just began to realize when the silly thing started to freeze up on me.

Today, my computer, which I never named because I just don't do things like name my computer "little geek" (sorry Tyler), had a huge tantrum. It froze up on me. It told me I could wait for a response or "kill them" with an angry face. It was scary to be honest. Then when I restarted it I tried to use the fingerprint reader and it told me things like "too fuzzy" and "skewed" when the only messages I've ever seen before were "too fast" and "too short". I actually had to type in a password, bummer. Then nothing. No icons or bottom control panel. Unfortunately, I am not a computer genius. In all honesty, when it comes to computers I come off as a girl of very little brain. I could only sigh, shut it down again, and be without interactions on the world wide web for most of the day.

There are a few things that can be done, or so I've been told. I've never even defragmented my computer, not even once, and apparently that is a bad thing. We may be able to medicate it a little, keep it moving a little longer but I know, deep down, that the computer I bought to accompany me on IVF bedrest is on it's way out.

Most people would be happy with the prospect of buying a new computer, and I'm not entirely saying I'm not. But I hate to spend the money. And I hate to start over. I hate change. Losing the fingerprint reader on the other hand, may be a blessing, it was the most finicky device I have ever been in contact with on a regular basis.

Point Well Proven

2009-07-01T08:38:00.002-04:00

This morning I was going through the house changing my numerous calendars over to July when I noticed on one of my calendars how close we are to Bailey and Cooper turning 18 months old. I jokingly said "Why are you guys doing this to me, growing up so fast, you know I don't want you to grow up."

To which Bailey replied, at the top of her lungs I might add, "Sor-reeee".

But have you seen his movies?

2009-06-30T14:59:00.006-04:00

I love to lurk on other people's blogs and most recently, baby boards. Some of the posts are serious and I learn a little and other posts are just purely for fun. Today I came across a post that was basically a "Your husband has been run over by a very large truck and you are no longer pregnant and you HAVE to choose a celebrity to help 'get you through this difficult time', who would you choose, when obviously all you are thinking about is your poor husband who isn't dead (thank God) but just in the hospital." OK, that isn't word for word what the post said, the gist was basically asking what celebrity do you secretly lust for.

Far and away, the most popular answer:

Turns out many people are also pining for Dwayne Johnson, Edward Cullen (please already), Vin Diesel, and John Travolta.

OK, I undestand that you may not all agree with Adrien Brody, I can understand that. I myself am torn with whether the big nose is really all that lustworthy. I just really love his work. The thing is I thought about it for a few mintues. Not that I was going to post an answer, I was just curious about who I would, should this happen to me, be looking for. Turns out, I don't really find actors all that hot. It's characters I fall for. Take John Krasinski for instance. He isn't hot or steamy but I just love Jim Halpert, the character. For like 15 years I have been harboring the smallest crush on Lloyd Dobbler, not John Cusack. Other than character's with certain character traits, I just lust for my husband:

What? That isn't Todd? Oh, I swear it looks like him, at least when Todd had long hair. Well, I guess if he should happen to be walking by the hospital, he could come on in.

But now I'm curious, what characters or celebrities do you like?

*This blog is written entirely in jest. I love my husband very much and besides have you seen recent pictures of Gavin Rossdale, Todd has aged way better than he has.

All These Pictures of You

2009-06-30T08:10:00.004-04:00

I am doing the most tedious job possible. I am looking through, deleting, copying, and saving over 4000 pictures onto my Maxtor One Touch External Hard Drive. I am already in for over three hours and not done. Problem is I haven't gone through my pictures and saved them to the drive in over a year. That's a lot of pictures accumulated. Also, I haven't developed a picture since Thanksgiving when I was working on albums for Christmas presents so I am also going through and picking a few to develop (you know 300 or so) because I can't survive with a digital album alone. There's just something about me and pictures. I don't like to be in them but I love to take them, save them, print them, look at them over and over. But Digital Cameras have turned out to be a great invention for someone like me that takes way too many pictures. At the rate I was going I would have to rent storage space just for my photos.

And it isn't just my own photos. I love to look at everyone's photos. Seriously. If I ever come over and you have nothing else to entertain me with, just shove an album in my lap and I will seriously be enthralled for at least a half hour. I love to see how people used to look, see their smiles, the honest ones and the cheesy for the photographer ones. I like to see the places other people have gone, what they took pictures of, what they wished to remember. I think it's sad that so many people are developing less pictures and just greedily keeping all their pictures to themselves on their personal hard drives.

I know that I can go over the top so I have put a new limit to my picture developing, which to be honest got really out of hand last winter when the twins were born and I developed 600 pictures of newborn babies not doing anything. I am aiming for two albums a year, unless of course we go somewhere like Disneyland and then that deserves an album all to itself, right?

OK, I know my obsession with pictures is something I have to work through, but not while my kids are so small and cute.

What a lucky birthday girl.

2009-06-27T08:22:00.004-04:00

When I was a little girl I always wanted to build a dollhouse. You know one of those sets from Michael's complete with window kits and door trim. My mother worked at Michael's and during closing, when my dad and my other siblings came to pick her up, I would wander the aisles of Michael's always stopping and looking up in wonder at the dollhouses on display.

One year for Christmas my mother was able to buy me one from salvage at Michael's. Meaning she got it very cheap because the sets were very expensive, very. Only problem was I was ten and had no one to help me put it together. I begged both of my parents to help me but they were always too busy, too tired, working, and other normal stuff for parents. I eventually tried to do it on my own, oh how beautiful the pieces were to me. However, it turned out the set was in salvage because it was missing quite a few pieces. My dollhouse never saw it's own windows and doors installed and eventually winded up in a landfill while I turned to music and boys.

When we got back from Arizona a month ago my brother and his girlfriend showed us a small house made from a Dr. Pepper box and tape as well as these plans,

They were going to build a dollhouse for Tyler (my brother)'s girlfriend (Jordan)'s sister's 3rd birthday which was coming up in less than a month. The following weekend, with only three weeks to go, they began construction. Over the past three weeks we have had Tyler and Jordan working diligently day and night in our garage working on their masterpiece, with occassionally a little help from Todd.

Yesterday was the deadline and they still seemed to have a lot of work to get done. The house was still without a roof, there were no stairs, and no shingles to name just a few things that needed yet to be done. We helped were we could, Todd did a lot and I even cut shingles for them (That is the only thing I did, can you see how I am sticking it in here to get credit?). I finally went up for my nightly bath at 11 leaving them to complete the dollhouse and honestly not really thinking they would. However, this morning when I woke up and took a peek in the garage they were completely done. I crept around it in wonder feeling like that 10 year old girl who wanted oh so long ago her very own dollhouse.

Below are some pictures both from construction and the final product, I hope you enjoy them half as much as I do.

Yep, that's real tile. Only the best for their dollhouse.

Nice shot of the swivel stairs from the second floor balcony.

The brick and shingles. The brick was drawn freehand by Jordan. The shingles? Spray-painted 60 grit sandpaper cut into small pieces and stapled on diligently by the most handsome father I know.
Awesome, isn't it? I hope Jordan's sister knows how lucky she is. I think 480 hours of peoplepower went into this house.

The Results Are In

2009-06-26T10:37:00.001-04:00

Yesterday morning I had an appointment with my doctor. As usual I waited for almost an hour to be seen for almost five minutes, but I believe that is just the way doctor's office visits go. Maybe they fear that if they were more efficient patients may fuss over the costs of a ten minute visit even more. Maybe the one hour plus visit is used to trick us?

Sorry, just thinking about my wasted time and the skyrocketing price of health care. But back to my point, the first thing my doctor told me was that all four of my levels (the fasting and three hour levels) were all within completely normal levels. I do not have gestational diabetes. She said that she didn't know why my levels were so high at the one hour, it must have just been a fluke she said but we had to test and see. I know it was no fluke but rather the equivalence to being smote for lying about my breakfast that morning. Whatever the case may be I am pleased to have that behind me and to know that all looks normal.

I am now on two week visits. With the twins I would have loved to have two week visits because I was constantly worried. Now I only worry about whom I am going to get every two weeks to watch the twins. But with two week visits it definitely feels as if this pregnancy is winding down.

Please tell me this happens to everyone with toddlers.

2009-06-25T14:39:00.003-04:00

Last month we traveled to Arizona and California for our big summer trip. The biggest past of that trip was a multi-family excursion to Disneyland. Todd and I had decided that we would put together a photo album of our trip since the twins are young and may not remember anything ever from the trip. We took pictures of every square inch of the park, every parade that ran through the park, fireworks, and individual rides. With a few hundred pictures deleted we still had upon our return over 600 photos of which we needed to narrow down to 200 photos for our album that we picked up at World Of Disney. One important thing for me for this album was to include one picture of our family. Just one. I didn't think I was asking too much when I asked various attendants at the park to take our families photo. Apparently, I had no idea what a huge task it would be to get one decent photo of our family. Below is the best of what we got.

Sad huh?

Before we came home from the desert we had a photographer take our families photo. Needless to say, even he couldn't get a decent photo of the four of us.

Let's just say, I can't wait until Christmas photo time.

This and a cherry coke would just about do it for me.

2009-06-23T22:25:00.000-04:00

Someone around here has decided to revive the ole Cinemaphiles website and it wasn't me. Not that I enjoy films any less these days, and somehow we still manage to find time to watch movies, it's just that I don't know that I am cut out to be a film critic. I felt like I didn't have anything new to say and I was never pleased with my short little blurbs about movies. I have decided that when I have something to say about a movie, either good or bad I will submit a review, otherwise I am just going to go about my film viewing as I have been for the past six months.

One thing I always enjoyed with the site was checking out new movies and posting trailers to films we were looking forward to. The other day as I was editing this feature on the site I somehow found my way to You Tube where I spent the next ninety minutes searching through trailers. There aren't that many new movies that I am looking forward to this summer but there were a couple that caught my attention.

This one for instance, has me wishing I had a babysitter despite our lack of a decent theatre here in town.

And this one, well I can't decide but any trailer that opens with The Smiths, well it may just get a spot on my Netflix Queue later this year.

If nothing else both films seem to have impressive soundtracks.

Because I will never be able to make time, I am taking time.

2009-06-23T10:36:00.000-04:00

I have had every intention of blogging with no moment to actually pursue it. Take this for example, a post I began Friday morning:

"Let me begin by saying that I really should not be here. We have company coming in a few hours for the weekend, lunch plans and pool plans this afternoon and my house could really do a once over, OK maybe more but it's probably only getting the surface cleaning this morning, if it's lucky.

Every night I find myself in bed struggling to fall asleep when I come up with the best blog post ideas, OK maybe more like acceptable posting ideas at best. But I don't want to get up and out of bed for fear that I will never fall asleep. The next morning I can't remember anything, that seems to last all day and pertains to everything.

I feel like I have been on the phone constantly all week. "

That was all I got out before my phone conversations began anew for the day and eight hours later I was even further behind on just about ever task at hand. Not that I spent eight hours on the phone, but it certainly felt that way. There are things going on around me that I am not at liberty to talk about. Believe me, I want nothing more than to come to my blog and vent about numerous things currently occupying all of my time, but when I think about four months ago and all the trouble venting could get me into, I realize I have no other choice really but to carry on and hope that all ends well and soon.

I know that sounds terribly cryptic, but I just can't take my chances. I will say that it seems like we jump from one overwhelming burdening situation to the next around here. We hadn't even closed on that nightmare of an investment when our lives were all but consumed into a new drama.

I realized that one of my last posts actually put me further along than I really am. I beleive I said I have nine weeks left to go when I indeed had 11 weeks to go. Now I have a little over 9 weeks left to go and I am completely torn by my feelings towards those next two months. I love feeling the baby move and squirm, I love my tight rounded belly, I love the idea of carrying this child with me every step of my day. On the flip side, I have grown three inches round in the past week, easily. I have begun to cramp up in my arms and feet in addition to the calf cramps. I am beginning to lose sleep because of my uncomfortable size. However, on the grand scale I have decided that I love being pregnant.

Unfortunately, I really must see to my house. I really don't want to and can't afford someone to come in and help me but it is getting to the point where I am quickly losing ground. The once over I promised my house on Friday never really happened and now it needs more of a once over. I wish I could clean rooms up and then just shut them off for the next few months.

I wonder if that would work? I wonder if the kitchen could be one of those rooms?

Bummer

2009-06-10T09:31:00.001-04:00

We have been back for a week now but with getting readjusted to time zones, unpacking, Uncle Billie's Day and a book deadline for book group I haven't really had the chance to write. In truth, I did begin a massive trip recount but I was boring myself eight paragraphs in and shelved that post. It's summer here and seemingly hotter than ever, may be my girth may be the humidity, whatever is causing it I am not looking forward to nine more weeks of it. We have already been to the pool twice since getting back (I know and I haven't blogged) but I am not quite confident in going it alone, the kids just somehow seem smaller at the pool and I am a huge worrier in case you hadn't realized.

Yesterday, however, was a real bummer of a day. I had my sugar and iron tested. I thought I was prepared, I wasn't. I was supposed to eat breakfast so on my way out I grabbed a Fiber One bar. However, I wasn't supposed to eat fruit and I had taken one bite of my bar when I realized it had strawberries in it. I decided not to eat the rest of it. When I got to the office I was taken in immediately and asked what I'd had for breakfast and you know what I did? I lied. This I believe is where all my troubles began. Not wanting to appear as if I couldn't understand directions I told my nurse I had a piece of toast. It's hard to find a babysitter around here and I couldn't risk having to go back another day, I know I should have been just been honest, maybe it wouldn't have even made any difference.

So I was given the yummy drink that amounts to sno cone syrup without the ice and drank it up. I then visited my doctor, or rather I suppose she took three minutes to visit me. I shared with her my intentions of a VBAC and she told me that her collegues would support my decision as long as the baby wan't too big and as long as I went into labor on my own. She told me they would rather do a c-section that try and induce a labor that isn't prgressing. I am hoping labor happens on its own because I think being induced caused a few problems last time. Unfortunately, it sounds like a c-section is still possibly in my future. I have to wait until 36 weeks or possibly later to know for sure. At times I wonder if I should just take the easy route and have it scheduled. But then I wonder if that's really the 'easy' route when I consider recovery.

So I waited an hour for my blood to be tested and was able to finish my book. They called me at exactly an hour and tested my glucose levels. They were 167. The lady, apparently thinking my sugar shouldn't be that high switched machines and tested my levels again. 166. Anything over 140 requires a 3 hour test at the hospital to determine whether or not you have Gestational Diabetes. With Bailey and Cooper my doctor told me I could be at risk for GD, my sugar was 120. However, I ate breakfast like I was supposed to. Now I don't know if not eating breakfast effected the outcome or not but I think perhaps my lying did. So instead of telling the truth and perhaps rescheduling the one hour I lied and got what I deserved, a nice four hour or so visit to the hospital.

But there is also this possibility, I have gestational diabetes. I was a little concerned with this potential prognosis until I came home and read about it on the internet. What it could mean for baby has me a lot more frightened. To name just a few: Large birth weight (thus garanteeing a c-section that comes with it's own risks for baby), hypoglycemia, respiratory problems, jaundice, and the most frightening, stillbirth. With these things in mind I have already made changes in my diet, starting immediately. No more Strawberry Shortcakes for dessert, less syrup on pancakes, more milk and water.

I know there is a good chance that I don't actually have Gestational Diabetes or that anything will happen to Sean but it is my nature to worry. I know several women who had to take the three hour test and passed and a few more who had GD and had healthy babies but I have been in a funk for the past 24 hours. I have the three hour test next Tuesday but I won't hear back immediately on that one so I will have this hanging over my head for at least another week or more.

On the bright side, I will be eating healthier from fear of GD and that can't be a bad thing, right?

I also failed the iron test. Mine was 10.3, they want to see 10.5. Fortunately, all that means is a Slow Iron Fe every morning. The worst part of that deal is the O.J. that has to accompany it.

Not Looking Good

2009-05-19T13:56:00.001-04:00

So EVERYONE who is to be on our flight tomorrow was sitting at their computer at 1:50?

I just checked in at Southwest.com at exactly 1:50 p.m.

I am in the B group. Seriously?

This will almost definitely be the last time we fly Southwest. The B boarding passes won't even be any real use. I was only hoping for an A pass. We will choose to load at A and a half I suppose.

At this particular moment I am so annoyed with myself for not looking further into Southwest's policies. I guess this is what you get when you fly a discount airline.

Well at least now I know there is no reason to plan our day around checking in online as we will probably end up with a B or C group regardless. I will just check in the day of on our return flight.

Something else to worry and fret over.

2009-05-18T09:05:00.000-04:00

When I booked my flight at Southwest I looked into most of their policies. I checked into luggage rules and limitations, I checked into their children under two policy, and I read about their stroller policy. Basically, I thought I looked into everything. I went ahead and purchased tickets.

For any of you who have flown Southwest, you will already be familiar with their A-B-C approach to boarding. You are not given a seat number at the time of purchase but instead recieve a letter at check-in that amounts to what order you board. I have almost always gotten an A and I have almost always been content with Southwest but the reason this didn't bother me is simpler than that.

We have children under two, I thought we would be pre-boarding. Every flight I have ever been on, including those with Southwest, have boarded families and people with small children first. I haven't flown anywhere since December 2005 however so I didn't check, I thought it was a given.

Turns out in October 2007 Southwest, after 36 years doing otherwise, decided to change it's pre-boarding rule. Now families and individuals with small children board what is commonly referred to as A and a half. Between A and B boarders.

This may turn out to be no big deal but I would be lying if I said this sudden discovery of information has me more than a little peeved. If I had looked into this policy before booking I would have probably gone elsewhere. Especially after reading this. Now on top of everything else I am worried that my family won't even be able to sit together. So now I have to be sitting at my computer at exactly 24 hours before our flight to print our boarding pass in hopes of getting an A. If that doesn't work and we have to be seperated on the plane I will make a point to sit next to the man in the best suit I can find and weep uncontrollably with whomever is in my lap for the entire four and a half hours. Not really, but I will not share my peanuts, that's for sure.

So depending on this flight Southwest may lose our business for good and they should be really worried because that will amount to about $140 of lost revenue every year at the rate we fly. So there Southwest.

And this is the week I decided to stop biting my nails.

2009-05-14T09:41:00.000-04:00

As I have mentioned before we leave for Arizona in less than a week now. We begin our travels next Wednesday morning with a three hour drive to North Carolina to the city where I was born, Raleigh. Not because I was born there of course, but because it's the closest airport to catch a Southwest direct flight. We will then spend several hours, of what I can only imagine to be pure bliss, in an airport. Following that bag of goodies we have the main event. A five hour flight direct to Sky Harbor International.

Now I could list all of the things I am completely stressed about. For instance, losing our luggage. I used to think that it was an urban legend that people lost luggage. Unfortunately, our last trip to Arizona included my luggage not making the flight. Fortunately, it was on the return trip. So I have been trying to dodge troubles, wondering if I should mix luggage instead of each of us having our own suitcase and even wondering if I should avoid that jinxed suitcase all together.

I am also a tad worried about the process of unloading two adults (one of whom will be 26 weeks pregnant), two toddlers, a double stroller, four pieces of luggage, and numerous carry-ons at the airport and parking our car in long term parking. I have toyed with paying family members to drive us down and pick us up two weeks later but I don't know anyone who will be off and willing. I think we will just use curbside check-in and have Todd park the Canyoneer while I stay with Bailey and Cooper.

But all of these things, however much they are on my mind, are overshadowed by a much more complexing issue. How in the world will we keep two rambunctous, active, toddlers content for five long hours on a plane in our laps? We did not buy plane seats for them. We went back and forth over it and we decided that we just could not afford it and that buying tickets was almost negating the one plus to travelling with 16 month old toddlers. So our children, who grow tired of even their favorite lap after a short time, will be seated on our laps for what in my mind, currently seems like an eternity. I am concerned for my sanity and well being as well as the sanity and well being of those travelling with us. So I have been planning and plotting for months and I have asked every parent I meet for recommendations.

It turns out quite a lot of parents travel with their toddlers. I have spoken with women who have flown with children approximately Bailey and Cooper's age to Russia and Kenya. I have also spoken with women who have travelled alone with multiple children. They all talk of their adventures as if it were no big thing. I aspire to be like these women. One morning at Romp and Roll there were six other mothers there with children all under 2, every one of them had gone somewhere on a plane with thier child.

I have started compiling their recommendations and been searching for a little thread of hope of the internet. What I have found are completely opposing sides of almost everything I have been told.

Many people say sit in the bulk head, you have more room. Many other people say don't sit in the bulk head all of your belongings will have to be secured in an overhead compartment. Many people have said give them lollipops. Others have said "Are you crazy? And make yourself and your child sticky?" Most mothers have told me to dose my children with Benedryl. A few said a horrible reaction could occur with this method.

Now I find myself no more informed really than before, or I guess maybe a little too informed? I have thought about letting our children watch T.V. For those close to us, you will know that is being planned as a last resort. And of course, I mean cartoons on the laptop which has a very crummy battery life. But more than anything I had decided not to let it worry me, if I learned nothing else from these women and thier recommendations it was this simple fact. They all survived to tell about it. So even if things don't go well or even good we will at the very least probably survive.

However, I was curious if any of you had travelled with small children on a plane and had any insights or magnificent recommendations. I would be especially grateful if you have any recommendations on the part that is possibly concerning me the most. How do we change a toddler on a plane, which we will obviously have to do on a five hour flight at least once per child? I have been in those tiny lavatories, but it was preparenthood. Do they even have changing tables?

And should I be looking into Valium or something for myself? That stuff is safe for pregnant women, right?

It all feels a little too much like work.

2009-05-13T07:22:00.000-04:00

Why is that men can pack so much easier than women? We leave one week from today on a two week excursion to the west coast. I have been working on a packing list for three weeks. I finally decided yesterday it would be best to best to begin packing.

While Todd got the suitcases out I readied my extensive list. Todd set in immediately to picking seven pairs of shorts, two pairs of jeans and a pair of khakis. I, in addition to observing how quickly he chose his pants, went looking for my favorite maternity pants. Before I remembered that there is no such thing because all of my maternity pants are just as unflattering as the next he was on to t-shirts. I decided to move on to looking for my best white t-shirt which mean the white t-shirt with the least stains and before I turned around Todd had packed his socks and pajama pants. When he moved on to bathing suits I thought I would be ahead of the game and move to bathing suits but as I was searching through them I got a mental picture of myself in one of those things, I managed to pack a suit but I doubt I will wear it. By the time Todd announced he was finished packing I was far too physically and mentally tired to continue on so I decided to stack the suitcase in the corner and give it a day or two. It's going to take that long before I can muster up the courage to face my closet again.

My mother-in-law would be so disappointed, she would have been packed and ready to go three weeks ago.

Are they kidding me?

2009-05-12T07:21:00.000-04:00

This morning the more idiotic of our dogs woke me up by thumping his big goofy leg on the floor, repeatedly. I decided to make the most of this chilly morning and went downstairs to make French Toast for Bailey and Coop. I got ice cold sippy cups ready and went up to get them. I presented them with yummy warm French Toast sans syrup. What did they do to show their appreciation?

Well, they cried...and cried.

Turns out they want their usual. Cereal.

I think it was a ploy to get me to give them syrup. It didn't work.

Yet.

Soap, it isn't just for showering these days.

2009-05-06T12:40:00.003-04:00

I really hate to go on and on about this whole pregnancy business but it does seem to take up a lot of my time and thoughts. Another reason I can't seem to forget, which I'm not saying I want to, is that the baby and all the ailments of pregnancy won't let me forget and move on and discuss far more interesting topics, like is Jon Gosselin really cheating on his mean and miserable wife and does anyone even care?

I have been becoming increasingly tired and I am having a rather difficult time finishing 'Brave New World'. Every night I get into the bath, read four pages and fall asleep risking both drowning in the six inches of water and the drowning of that miserable book (OK, it isn't that bad but it's more effective than any Tylenol P.M. I've ever taken).

Of course, then I have to get out, dry off, put on my PJ's, for which I am having a harder and harder time at doing as 'maternity' pajamas just seem a little out of the budget, at which point I am wide awake again. Fortunately, another three pages of Aldous Huxley and I'm out again.

Here's the part that is really irritating. Several hours later I awake to the most awful leg cramps. When I was pregnant with Bailey and Cooper the awful leg cramps started at 18 weeks, I remember clearly because I was a HUGE baby about it, crying and whining and all that nonsense. My husband thought I was being bludgeoned to death and rolled over when he found out what was ailing me. At that point in my last pregnancy I was still under the assumption I couldn't take a bath at all so I 'tried' to walk it off and then ran hot water over the calf muscle. The cramps continued pretty regularly throughout the rest of the pregnancy no matter how many bananas I ate with some of them causing me to limp around for most of the following day.

When I'd made it to the halfway point a few weeks ago without any leg cramps I thought I had possibly escaped this pregnancy without them. I know, foolish. So last Friday I had a leg cramp before I even made it to bed. And the last two nights I have awoken to them, and boy they are mean and nasty.

I have tried stretching...that can sometimes even bring them on so I try and avoid stretching. I have tried the banana thing, that doesn't seem to help either. I have, and did last night, drink a lot of water before bed. This only resulted in having to pee a dozen times in addition to leg cramps. This morning however, I may have found the solution. The same website that advised me on how to mix my urine with Draino is now saying I should sleep with Zest.

That's right, sleeping with a bar of soap between your sheets may ward off leg cramps, who knew? I am at the point that sleeping with a bar of soap doesn't sound all that crazy. So has anyone else tried this or heard about this? Is there any truth to it? I think I will try it regardless. I mean if nothing else, I can always use it to hit Todd when he snores and that may result in at least a little more sleep.

Are they sure?

2009-05-04T21:00:00.001-04:00

So last week I was pretty sure the sky was falling, the world was coming to an end and there was no possible way I could board a plane. I was special ordering $300 face masks, stockpiling Cream of Mushroom soup and revising my will. I was afraid to go outdoors or check the news.

Today I'm finding out the government doesn't even know what a pandemic means and that this Influenza A (H1N1) business is no worse than the regular flu.

Now I don't know whether or not to cancel the $300 face masks, if it's safe to go outside or if I even like Cream of Mushroom soup.

Baby Sean at 23 weeks

2009-05-02T09:58:00.002-04:00

I wanted to share this picture with you yesterday but my computer and blogger in draft were not cooperating but this morning I managed to get it loaded in a convoluted manner that worked well enough.

Not as scary as the 1976 swine flu commercials and much more charming than Morrissey, at least as far as I can tell.

23 Weeks Already?

2009-05-01T14:14:00.001-04:00

This is the fastest pregnancy ever. OK, I'm exaggerating, but it just felt like I was pregnant with the twins for maybe six or seven years. OK, I'm still exaggerating, which I am prone to by the way, but I can't believe in just a few days we reach viability.

This morning I went for my 'free' ultrasound. It had better be free because it only lasted about 10 minutes and there was no real measuring or scanning of the baby. Just a few quick shots for the video. The heartbeat was 146 BPM and the baby, there is no mistake about it, is 100% a boy. I was explaining to the tech that it was important for me to get the video because Todd hadn't been able to make it to any of the ultrasounds. So what did she do? She switched to the 3/D ultrasound and let me tell you it was both freaky and absolutely amazing. She didn't do it for very long because we weren't paying for it, but she did get the babies face. We could clearly see babies nose (looks a little like Cooper's) and babies philtrum dimple and column (that look like Bailey's). We saw a hand with five fingers and baby sucking on his lower lip. A pretty awesome experience and the DVD worked this time!!!

I took a 23 week photo but I was so disappointed in my plumpness and it's lack of roundedness that I decided that it would be best for my self esteem if I waited a week in hopes of sharing a more rounded shot.

These Are Sing Alongs

2009-04-30T16:22:00.000-04:00

What is almost as good as seeing the real thing?

I may or may not have mentioned that I just love Morriessey and The Smiths. And in an attempt to disinterest you here are some videos.

This first is Colin Meloy of The Decemberists whom we saw in 2006 but did not play a Smith's song, the video isn't great but I just love Meloy's voice, so unlike any other.

This next one is Pete Yorn, whom I saw with my dad in 2007 and who played this very song but this clip is from earlier in that tour.

I've never seen Kristy MacColl in concert but 'She's Having A Baby' is my second favorite John Hughes movie and I love this version of this song.

And because nothing is as good as the real thing:

Funny or Scary?

2009-04-30T15:37:00.002-04:00

I love being pregnant

2009-04-30T10:28:00.000-04:00

Last night I was taking a bath and the baby starting moving around so much that I could see it kicking from the outside so I pushed slightly on the spot and the little booger pushed so hard I felt like I was about to witness first hand that scene from Alien when Officer Kane gives 'birth' to an alien and I started laughing out loud. Pregnancy isn't always this much fun but it's times like these that I just really love being pregnant.

Not ready to board ourselves in quite yet...

2009-04-29T09:47:00.000-04:00

I used to never get sick. Maybe a cold here or there, but not usually something serious. I think one reason I don't get sick is that I just can't handle it. I am perhaps the world's biggest baby when it comes to being ill. Unfortunately, getting sick seems to be one of those things that happens to me more often when I travel. I have been to Arizona four times. Twice in December, once in May and once in June. Both trips that took place in December resulted in a 24 hour like illness that was far from pretty. Especially that first time when I was meeting my husbands family for the first time and I almost threw up in my sister-in-law-to-be's car and monopolized my other sister-in-law to be's bathroom for the better part of one day. That sickness was perhaps the worst I've ever had as being in someone elses home only seemed to make it worse.

The next two times all was fine. Then the last time we visited I got sick once again. It was like Deja Vu except we were in Ikea and not a ski shop when the illness came on unexpected. I suspect I got sick on the plane being December and high flu season. We haven't been back to Arizona since but we leave three weeks from today for Arizona and I must admit ever since we have started planning the trip I have been a tad bit nervous about getting sick.

I have already had the flu twice this year and I had flu like symptoms a third time but it could have been morning sickness that was really bad. My point is though, my immune system seems particularly weakened. Next to flying with toddlers seated in my lap for five and a half hours getting sick is my number two concern when it comes to flying next month. I had bought Airborne chewables but it turns out they aren't recommended for pregnant ladies. So to say the leasy I was already a little worried when I started reading about the swine flu.

Now I know we aren't travelling to Mexico but we are travelling to the state with the second highest number of confirmed cases, California, the day after we arrive in Arizona to attend one of the most crowded places in California, Disneyland. Now at first I was trying to keep this in perspective, there are millions of people of which only a handful are sick with this condition. I mean the regular flu kills approx. 36,000 people a year. But then I read this and I just became even more worried. The more I read I don't know if I should be worried or if I should just curse the media under my breath and move on.

With talk of school closings and the report that a 23-month old died in Texas I am becoming, I must admit, even more worried about our upcoming trip. I would hate to cancel a trip almost two years in the making, especially since there is a lot involved (seeing Todd's father who is flying in from Germany, seeing his grandfather who is 84, meeting nieces we've never met, introducing the twins to a lot of family they've never met) and we really don't know when we'll be able to travel again (hence the reason for going through with this trip in a bad economy at 26 weeks pregnant). So at this point I don't want to cancel our travel plans, however, we have two toddlers and a pregnancy to take into consideration and I am beginning to stress even more than before.

The hopes of a vaccination early next month don't thrill me much either as apparently a swine flu vaccination in 1976 might have caused more harm than good during a previous swine flu outbreak. So do we just sit back and carry on as normal or do we start considering a trip revision? Or should we wait and see if it gets worse and then make a decision? I am afraid I might be losing sleep over this issue.

It is spring.

2009-04-28T09:45:00.001-04:00

I have a confession. My house looks to be the result of some terrible natural disaster. And in a way, I guess it is. I sort of began spring cleaning last week but it is rather tiresome and now there are just stacks and boxes everywhere. Sometimes I just want to give it all away.

Our test trip this weekend went rather well. Not only did we have an overall wonderful time but we learned quite a few things about travelling with the children that should come in handy next month when we try and avoid swine flu on our trip to Arizona and California.

The National Zoo was a great hit but we had to throw our plans out the window at the entrance at 10:30 Saturday morning. Who knew that the crowds would be so bad on our first 90-something day of the year. We were turned away by policeman at the gate and decided to do the National Mall and move our zoo outing to Sunday. The walk on the National Mall sent me into a fit. Braxton hicks contractions, nausea, dizziness. Hydration, relaxation and a slower pace will be absolutely neccessary in the weeks to come. I don't look forward to being so pregnant in the summertime. The Air and Space Museum was like it always is and I wonder why I'm so drawn to this particularly museum that I always find myself in when I travel to D.C.

The kids did remarkably well having little or no naps and they went to bed if not quickly with little or no fuss in the porta cribs in the hotel. It was a rewarding move that I'd packed breakfast cereal as they were in no mood to wait for Einstein Brothers Sunday morning. We made it to the zoo at 9:15 Sunday morning, they don't open until 10 a.m. The first parking lot was already full. It is a busy place. By 1 p.m. strollers had been blocked from the buildings as there were too many people there.

The kids LOVED the zoo. They pointed and said 'wow' at the pandas and the orangatan's. They loved the Tamarins and Meerkats. Oh, and the Toucans. They were adorable. They tried to get the Emu's attention. Unfortunately, we couldn't see the polar bears but we didn't have to worry about being mauled by one. The zoo is very vegatarian friendly which is always nice and I was able to get Boca burger kids meals with souvenir lunch boxes for the kids. The zoo doesn't have straws or lids however, for the animals safety. All in all, we had a wonderful time, and we will most definitely be doing the zoo again over the next few years.

So now we are home, unpacked and exhausted. And I have moved on. That's right making packing lists and taking flight notes for our upcoming trip. Three weeks from tomorrow. I feel tired already.

But first it's off to Romp N' Roll.